Should I allow this sleepover?

[Confusedmama70]

Hi everyone, so I need some advice.
I know a fellow school mom and we have connected in terms of our personal lives. We both are single parents, with 2 daughters in the same years at the same school (years 1 and 2). We get along well and have had a few play dates, mutual kids parties etc, days out.

She approached me in the playground yesterday and mentioned her older daughter (6) is going for a sleepover with one of her friends from the school and her younger daughter (5) has requested a sleepover with my youngest (5).

I immediately felt uncomfortable but I was also put on the spot and I’m not good in these situations so I kind of said ‘yeah we can sort something out, I’ll pop you a message’. She mentioned about possibly coming over and spending time up until bedtime so the girls would be ready for bed etc and then she would leave.

I have many concerns. The girls are 5 - I feel this is too young?
What if the girl wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to go home? The other mother doesn’t drive.
I don’t know if she’s planning for 1 of her daughters or both of her daughters to come.. this leaves me with 4 children on my own which is very overwhelming. I don’t know where everyone would sleep? I was also really looking forward to this half term to recharge.
I don’t want to say yes and then they suggest one at their house next time. We had an instance of my daughter leaving her house during a play date (whilst we were all there) and coming back to me to check if she could cross the road. I was in shock and so grateful my daughter came back to me to check.
Also, my older daughter (6) her best friend is a boy and I’m worried that if she sees her younger sister have a sleepover she would be none stop nagging me for a sleepover with her bestie.

Am I overthinking or overreacting? In my mind I don’t want to do sleepovers full stop but would feel more comfortable at my house. But even then didn’t expect this to come up till they were at least 8-9.

Please let me know your thoughts.

thank you!

It sounds like she’s trying to arrange for both kids to be out of the house on the same night (probably for a date).
It is not your responsibility to facilitate this. You have every right to say no. For whatever reason. You have every right to find your child too young. You have every right to not want the responsibility over extra children. You have every right to not want a sleepover with a particular child. You have every right to want some family downtime during midterm break. You do NOT have to explain why you say no. “Sorry, (I had a think about it), it doesn’t work for us / I’ve decided not to do sleepovers yet”.

Ours had the off sleepover at 8/9 but not many before 10. You will know your kids but that would be the after I’d look to.

She told you her daughter wants a sleepover at YOUR house? The cheek of it! Sounds like she's looking to be child free as her other child is staying out.

If you don't want to do that just say, sorry, I've had a think and my daughter is too young for sleepovers and I'd prefer to wait a few years. Maybe say you are willing for them to come over so they can play and she can take her daughter home with her.

Also, how would you end up with her other daughter if she is going elsewhere? Don't feel pressured by other parents to do as they want.

Always, ALWAYS have an emergency excuse ready. Now you know what to expect you can think of reasons NOW for sleepovers not to go ahead.

Nope!! Far too young. My 7 year old is desperate for a sleepover with friends but I think he’s too young too.

My kid’s best friend starting sleeping over at our house when she was 4, the first time was because her parents were at the hospital with her baby brother but the kids both loved it and so regular sleepovers have always been a part of their lives and since then we’ve had quite a few other kids to stay too. I always tell any friends staying over that I will drive them home at any time if they want to go home, but so far no one has taken me up on it!

Thats absolutely crazy that someone invited their child to your house for a sleepover.
Sorry this would be a hard no from me.
Thw age would be one reason and the unsolicitated invite another, making two nos.

No way, she just wants a night off so she can go out.

Maybe she just needs a break and is hoping you’ll help her out! Obviously she won’t be bringing the older child because she is already going to a sleepover. The Mum might be wanting a well deserved night out (maybe a date?). She might not have a support network to help her.
I understand 5 is young but you also have children the same age so know how to handle anything that crops up!
It may feel daunting but as a Mum of older children (10 and 15) I often think I should have made more time for me when they were younger. Happy Mum, happy child!

I have learned recently, to my surprise, that sleepovers have come out of fashion completely. You can google (and/or search on here) “sleepivers are a no” or some such. The arguments are pretty convincing.

It's cheeky to suggest you host a sleepover. If they were a bit older, would suggest they could do the evening part e.g. have a pyjama party, watch a film, have popcorn but go home to sleep. At 5, I think a standard playdate is fine, but you could suggest the above as a compromise.

Definitely no, I was talked into this when dd was 7, relatively new friend too but mum was adamant it was the best idea and the girls were very up for it. Set them up all cosy in dds room but poor mite couldn't settle at all. Kept coming into my room and asking to sleep with me, first time it happened dh took himself off to sleep in with ds and I was up all night with her. Ended up sitting by the bedroom door until she eventually slept from 4-6.30. The mum said oh should have just let her get in with you 😯

I did sleepovers at 5 but it was with parents friends kids who I knew. This seems forced and for convenience to her and put upon you rather than the two kids wanting it.

So for these reasons I say no.

Have you thought about inviting the mum to sleepover too? Some of my friends do this when their partners are away.

Gives the mums chance to unwind together and the girls chance to play but everyone is properly supervised.

Just say no thank you, I think DD is not ready for sleepovers yet.

Simple!

My DD wasn't allowed a sleepover until age 9 and that was a sleepover at ours.

Sleepovers are not allowed in our family. End of. Too many risks.

Inviting your daughter to a sleepover - very kind. But inviting her daughter to sleep at your house - beyond rude! Unfortunately you should have said at the time - oh no I’m far from ready having other peoples children to stay. End of story. Now you just need to say youve had a think and aren’t comfortable with a sleepover at this age.

Exactly

Simple answer no. And as other pps have said, sounds like she is using you for a night off without being upfront about it. I would be examining the friendship if I was you, and making sure I wasn't being used in other ways.

I used to love having my friends kids for sleepovers from a young age and miss that stage now BUT this woman is trying to palm her other child off on you so she can go out. Message to say that date won’t work as your parents are planning on doing something with the family that evening. Once you have put a stop to that you can tell her you don’t have the room anyway and also want to give it another year or so before sleepovers. She’s cheeky asking this of you.

Way too young in any case but even if you were considering it she is obviously looking for a child free night so I wouldn’t be confident she would answer her phone/come and pick up if necessary.

I think if you're uncomfortable then go with your gut, it's your child at the end of the day and they are still tiny! My DD is 11 and there's a sleepover at a theme park i don't want her to go to and have said no as I dont know the family well at all