"you are so ungrateful, I do everything for you"

[braceforcorrection]

I've started to say this to my just turned 2 year old.

In the heat of the moment when I've got a boot full of food shopping, a tired boy ready for his nap, heavy traffic and the weight of the world on my shoulders....

Why on earth can't I respond in a positive way!

I devote my life to my little one, which is how it should be. However I can't get past why I'm having difficulty some times.

You’ve had some good advice already, I’d really recommend reaching for some support for yourself, or doing some reading in your own time to try and inform how you respond to things, your own triggers, emotions etc.

We all get frustrated from time to time with kids, but we don’t all say things like this. Working out why you respond the way that you do can then help you come up with a different way.

Why don't you provide some links. I don't have time and currently on the toilet at work.

I've already asked Ss and doctor for help and they've assessed me as not a risk to child so no help.

@braceforcorrection first of all give yourself a massive pat on the back. Not only are you a single parent, but you are a single parent to your nephew.

I was a single parent from when my youngest was just 9 months old. IT IS UNRELENTINGLY HARD WORK!!!! Of course you end up feeling resentful, tired, overwhelmed and grumpy. Grumble away in your head, find a friend to rant to, come on here and post away to your heart's content, but try your very best not to blame the 2 year old. And I know you didn't mean to and it just kind of slipped out, but make a rule for yourself not to do that. Two year olds are powerless in an adult world and definitely can't be grateful for anything. But you know all of that.

I think what you are doing is amazing 💐👏🏆.

It's not I don't trust anyone, because he goes to nursery and stuff there can change

I don't trust anyone 1 on 1 becUse I don't know anyone and it's not like they are oftsed registered etc.

It's just not something I want to do. I wouldn't send him to a child m idner either. Have you heard about the woman who killed the baby in her nsury or the druggie who hit children etc.

It's quite normal.

Sometimes you're not able to calm down.. for how long? I do think this blinds worrying OP. Have you found yourself in a situation you don't want to be in? Is your DN behaviour v difficult or is the drudgery of it all when it's so full on at this stage?
Again I wonder why you don't trust anyone as clearly you need a break here and a regular one. If you were my friend I'd be happy to help you out. Is there someone who can give you a help out?

It’s less so links and more so books, chats with GP that would be helpful. Without knowing you, your experiences, there isn’t a “one link suits all” fit here but more a general awareness and education around your own mind and how you feel.

It's really not normal..it's most unlikely but ask someone you know is best. I don't mean hand to a stranger. Your teenager idea is a good one. Either way you need a break. You can't go on like this forever.

You are in a fairly unique situation with extra challenges relating to taking on this toddler. Which is truly admirable of you.
Take little steps forward, Cbeebies for a few hours is fine, try not to worry about the house being untidy. Ask the nursery for more hours, if DC not full time. Ask if they'll allow their staff to babysit, it's normally not allowed, but you have special circumstances.
Take a few days annual leave and keep DC in nursery to have a bit of a break.

Really bad things happen at nurseries too OP so I'm not sure your reasoning is logical there, but I understand it's difficult to know who to ask if you don't have anyone obvious already in your life.

You seem really angry OP, frustration and anger can be part of depression, do you think you might be depressed? You've obviously been through a lot and are now dealing with a lot, all on your own. I'm surprised that you're surprised that you're struggling sometimes tbh!

For those difficult times with a toddler that might not be happy to do the things you need to do maybe you could try snacks - breadsticks were always a good distraction for DS or maybe a nursery rhyme CD in the car - you can then sing the rhymes to him at other times to drown out the crying and to distract yourself from saying angry things, or talk to him inanely in a sing song over the top voice- uh oh you're very tired aren't you, lets get you in the car so you can nap and then it will all be peaceful and we'll all be a lot happier won't we and i won't be losing my mind. Say it all with a smile and a sing song voice and then laugh at the ridiculous things 2 year olds drive you to!

Really what’s the point? If your friend asked you for help in this obviously very difficult situation would you just go ‘stop being horrible’.

Of course you wouldn’t; you’d engage your brain, your mouth, and hopefully your empathy. It’s possible to do all that online as well as in real life.

I always think it's just a pointless thing to say to children of any age. Especially a 2 year old who would have no idea of what it really means and can't exactly go out and do their own shopping, cook their own dinner and change their own nappy!

If you bring your children up to thank people and notice when others have made an effort for them then you do not need to ever 'teach' them to be grateful to others.

And if you show gratitude to others, they will learn it from you.

You are missing the point.

If a friend asked for HELP than you would give them HELP. You wouldn't BARATE them.

Remember people are doing the best they can with the resources they have.

If you think you "wouldn't do that that" than perhaps you can help your friend.

Or is that all you can do, verbally attack them which is probably why they don't have the skills in the first place.

I'm not depressed. I've already been assessed.

I guess if you are struggling you have others to help
Well that's amazing.... But not everyone does which makes the struggle even harder.

It doesn't matter if people agree with my reasoning or not. I choose who looks after my child in my care and I don't need to justify who does it.

I don't seem it safe for my child to be alone with a person I don't know and not in a care facility I've checked. You should applaud me for actually not leaving my child with "anyone" so I can go out.

You seem angry and dismissive. Are you sure you aren't depressed. Or maybe you have issues dealing with people when they don't take your advice, also known as a know it all?

The gp can't help with childcare. Also not assessed with depression. Also I'm not sure what else you expect them to do?

I think if you look at Sen provisions (what I have experience for working in) and speak to parents with vulnerable children, often other children to look after etc..... the support is minimal.

Hence why we need to reach out in the community and that is forums in 2025 for advice

I'd tell a friend it was horrible and to stop saying it. In fact I have said something similar .
Saying there there doesn't stop the negativity that poor child will grow up with. It's simple enough not to say it. I've gad plenty of stuff said to me as a child that I wouldn't say to my children.

This is emotional abuse. Kids absorb everything they hear at that age. He’s the child, you’re the adult. Be nicer to him.

Also you’re aware you can just do shopping online??

Book on parenting lessons as 2 years olds a breeze compared with teenagers, sounds like you are in urgent need of parenting lessons.

Yeah, I get very frustrated on here by the shitty replies and people just displaying their most unpleasant side because they have the benefit of anonymity.

Really do try the lovebomb thing, I promise it helps!

I would normally be the first to criticise a parent who is projecting adult ideas such as gratitude onto a small child, and displaying frustration and ability to cope with behaviour.
But OP has not chosen to become a parent here. She has had parenthood thrust upon her through her sibling's untimely death. She is single (I believe), lives in a deprived area, has no family support and is working full time trying to support a young child who she never imagined having full time, who will himself be adapting to life without his parents and not understanding where they are, grieving herself for the loss of her sibling. No, her words are not appropriate, but she needs support and guidance.

Imo sometimes kids push us to the limits and most people don't put them in the bin because they are their kids. I'm sure you love your nephew but you don't have that same well to draw on in the same way and also if you found yourself suddenly parenting then you've missed out on the normal learning curve of parenting. I'm sure you love him and you're doing your best, well done for recognising this issue and asking for help, including from this place! lmpressive imo.

Would you have time to read or listen to "how to talk so kids will listen". I found it useful in taking more of a thinking approach to some things.

You’ve devoted your whole life to your child — but why? Of course, life changes when you become a parent, but it shouldn’t mean losing yourself completely. Struggling on your own doesn’t make you a better mum — if anything, it does the opposite.

Not trusting anyone isn’t normal, and it’s not healthy for you or your child.

I used to find it easy to leave my two-year-old with their grandparents (and they live in another country, so we only see them twice a year!). It’s actually harder now that my child is four and really notices when we’re not around.

Honestly, I wish I’d had more nights out with my husband when my daughter was younger. You deserve a break too — try finding a nursery or childminder you can trust, even for a few hours a week. It’ll do you both a world of good.

Why are you taking everything out of context?

I leave my child at nursery. I trust them. I don't trust people who I don't know and would leave them with my child.

Why do you find that so weird? You know if I made a post about getting a baby sitter of the internet than people would be weird about that if something happened.

It's my child, my responsibility..... My choices.

Nursery staff don't do babysitting either. I've asked.

My mum is also not local and I have no other siblings.

Hi thank you.

I don't have the energy or resources to read or listen to a audio.. I find it hard to even concentrate on TV or when someone has a conversation . Really finding it hard at the moment to do basic things that weren't an issue before.

I'm hoping this will be able to change in the future. Just drained atm. Had a lot of home diy issues at the moment as well.... Leak and roof collapse which has taken up time etc.