Should DH leave so early for school run

[Sam858]

This might seem silly but could I have opinions please as I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable? On days my husband is WFH, he uses his lunch to do the school run as we have a 4 month old (exclusively breastfed) baby so I stay at home with her. She doesn't last longer than one hour at most between feeds so as you can imagine, it's incredibly difficult do anything and usually in that time between feeds she will fuss, need nappy changes, want held. It's very hard to get anything done but I spend all day running around in between dealing with her to do as much as I can. The school is a 5 min drive from the house if that. Pick up is at 3pm- my husband leaves at 2.20 and sits in the car for 35 minutes in the car park. He says its hard to get parked. Our friends a couple houses up leave at 2.50 and are back by 3.15/3.20. Friend gets parked around the corner from the school so has a couple mins walk each way but gets the whole school run done in half an hour whereas my husband leaves at 2.20 and gets back at 3.10. My issue is, if there was nothing else to do then if he wants to spend 35 minutes every day sitting in a car park- go for it. But I'm spending all day struggling to do things- if he took that extra 20 minutes to do abit of dinner prep, abit of cleaning or even just took the baby for 20 minutes to allow me to get ahead it would make such a difference to me. Once the kids are back, I'm doing after school snacks, homework, getting them ready for after school activities. I know it sounds silly but I'm finding things so hard and if I had an extra 20 minutes a day- I could get so much done. Even having 20 minutes of not having the baby and doing other things in the house without juggling her would be so helpful. So....aibu?

Does he contribute in the evening or not? If he does, maybe he just needs some alone downtime. Sounds like you might need some too.

It’s a colossal waste of time but if it’s a 5 minute drive presumably he could cycle or walk it instead? Or you could do the school run? The whole thing sounds very inefficient

Maybe he just wants a little break. If he’s WFH he is taking time from his working day to do this. So I’d let it slide.
What you are describing is life with a small baby. It won’t be like this forever.
There is cleaning that can be left. Or much simpler meals that can be made.
Take some time for yourself too. Maybe this is what he is doing?

It does sound like it could be more efficient but if this is his lunch break he's using to do the school run, then he should get some down time.

I appreciate juggling the school run and a baby is difficult but it is doable. I had no choice from my baby being 2 weeks old as my husband had to go back to working abroad. Ours is a 15 min walk and I used to put her in a baby carrier and she would be happy. She could feed in there if necessary- she was a baby who wanted to constantly be held too.

Does your DH take baby when he finishes work so you can get stuff done/have some down time?

A lunch break is built into the work day for a bit of headspace. I think if he’s using his lunch break to do the school run (certainly when I was on mat leave, Dh wasn’t around to do the school runs because he was actually working, he didn’t even get a lunch break!), then I think it makes sense to have a little bit of downtime before getting the kids and going back to work.

Personally, I wouldn’t be stressing about getting loads done during the day. Hold and feed the baby. Stare mindlessly at your phone during naps or read a book. Make sure you have your own downtime. Then get stuff around the house done during evenings and weekends when you can both properly be engaged. Lower your standards so neither of you is so pressured.

If he wasn't WFH he would be having a lunch hour free from distractions with time to himself - that's just what he is doing isn't it? He's only getting 35 minutes to himself by the sounds of it, which is not a long break.

If once he finishes work he give you time to yourself so that you get a break as well, then I think that's all fine. If you don't get a break then ask if you can have a 'lunch hour' once he finishes work so that you also get a bit of a break. I think it's important you both get a bit of adult time to yourselves during the day if possible.

If it’s a 5 minute drive why doesn’t he walk?
Not to make this a competition but I am a single mum of 3 and 7 months pregnant. Come December I’ll be doing the school run 5 days a week regardless of how the baby is doing, whether they need feeding etc. I think you’re lucky to have some willing to use their lunch break to do the school run.

I don't drive which is why he does the school run on his days at home. But I could get to the school in 20 mins and with the kids pace, get back in 30. So me walking and doing the school run while he stays at home and does housework/dinner would be better even

I agree that it is his lunch break but I guess I must be annoying as it sounds like you don't get any break at all.

If he’s using his lunch break to do the school run then I couldn’t begrudge him some downtime just sitting in his car to be honest. Just take your 20 mins once he finishes work so you both get some chill time.

Wouldn’t it be more productive for you to do the school run, and split his 1 hr lunch break so that you each get 30 min to yourselves whilst the other one is responsible for the baby?

I did the school run whilst on maternity leave, if the baby wanted feeding, I just fed them in the playground, or they had to wait 15 min whilst I drove home

I agree. A baby has to fit in with the current routine. y baby was bottle fed and often fed in the buggy on the walk to school.
you have to get on with things.

I also think you’re very lucky to have someone at home to help.

It might do you and baby good getting out for a walk to do the school run. I don't blame your DH leaving early, it can be stressful trying to park up for the school run. If I was in your situation I'd do the school run myself and ask DH to spend more time on household chores.

Why isn’t he walking, ridiculous to drive to take kids to school, just put your baby down and get on with the jobs that need doing, sounds like both of you aren’t happy but just going through the motions.

Most parents don't have another parent to do school runs when they are on mat leave. It sounds like you complicate everything. I don't drive and had 20 mins to school and 30 back with dc1 and dc2 baby. Not complicated at all. Worst case scenario you stop and breastfeed. You sound very overwhelmed. How are you coping in general? Maybe your dh needs some lone time in the car. It's already nice that he does this during his break so I would not complain if I were you.

So have you suggested this?

Does he walk when parked up?

Yes same here to be honest or get him to walk and take the baby with him in a pram or carrier, baby would probably sleep for at least some of it.

My DH loves going early and sitting in the car on his phone. He does also have a large car which is awkward to park on terrace streets. Doesn’t bother me but I’m not with a fussy newborn so I understand you too

I think you have a pretty amazing situation having him there to do the school run and can’t see an issue with him taking a minute. But it depends on how the rest of the day looks and if he makes sure you have some breaks as well.

personally I don’t think this sounds like a great lunch break so would prefer him to have a proper break and do the school run myself. Can he teach you how to drive so you can stop relying on him so much?

I'm on maternity leave with a one month old and on my partners WFH days he does the school drop off so I don't have to rush out on those days and I do the pick up. He does the dinner.
I change the nappy and feed baby before we leave if I have chance or stop at the park on the walk back. If I'm struggling to get out of the door to do the pick up he might do the nappy or sort out after school snacks.
It's a 5 minute drive and is a 20 minutes walk there with children and 30+ minute walk back or 10-15 minutes there and 20 minutes back without due to hills!

Maybe it's worth a discussion about how best you can help one another and make best use of your time and how you can both get the respite you need. Maybe alternating between him going down in the car and getting the break whilst he waits and you doing the school run and he sorts dinner?

Could you just alternate who does the school run between you both? So split hia wfh days so he does some and you do some?

It sounds hard OP. The fact of the matter is, whoever is 'right' or 'wrong', you need to find something that works better for you. I do think you taking the baby for a walk to collect the other dc would be very good for everyone. It would give you some exercise and a breather, and it's good for sll the dc too.

What does he do in the evening?

Does he generally help with the kids / house at the weekend or in the evenings?
It's tough being at home all day under a breastfed baby... but it's also hard being at a computer all day with no break. He's taking 25 mins to himself, I wouldn't begrudge it.

I think maybe ye could try something like: he takes his break from 2-3... first 30 minutes he takes the baby so you can get a break and then you take baby back at 2.30 and do the school run and he then has his 30 mins downtime.

The great thing about a breastfed baby is they travel easy... you can literally feed them anywhere anytime!