Is it normal to NOT want to spend all the time with your baby?

[MummyNeedsCoffee1]

My 1-year old started nursery recently. If I’m being honest, I quite looked forward to that and it’s been really great so far. We have breakfast together, then I bring him to nursery, then sometimes I have time for a quiet coffee or even an exercise class before starting work (self-employed). And this week I knew that there’s a day where I wouldn’t work, but I brought little one to nursery nonetheless and had a great day sorting things at home and sitting on the sofa watching Netflix for the first time in a year. Now I really love my little boy, (I don’t think I could even leave him at nursery if he cried like others at drop off but luckily he loves it), and I do look forward to collecting him in the afternoon. We also have one day during the week just for the two of us which is great. But to be honest, I’m really happy with this set up and as long as I know that he’s alright and well taken care of, I don’t mind not spending all day every day with him.

But I don’t feel like I can say this to anyone in real life. All of my ante natal group friends really dreaded / are dreading start of nursery, they say that they find it incredibly difficult not to spend all day with their babies….is something wrong with me for not feeling like that? Overall I really enjoyed maternity leave and I did a lot of classes with my baby, but even back then I was quite happy for DH to take him for a few hours and get some me time. I wouldn’t say that I struggle with motherhood, but maybe I actually do?

I’m absolutely with you OP! I loved being with my little one but equally loved getting some time to myself. It’s important to have a balance & I think we can be better Mums if we have that balance 🙂

Nothing wrong with that. If eveyone is happy then I don’t see an issue !

It's not for me, I feel one is very young to spend a lot of the week being cared for by people who just aren't that invested in them when they also can't communicate effectively, but sounds like it's working for you.

So a little dig at the op with the passive aggressive "as long as you are happy" ending !

I felt the same, i was a way better mother for having some time to myself

Op it is perfectly acceptable and normal to not miss your baby when they are at nursery.

Not for me either i wouldn't have had children if I wanted others to bring them up more. Love spending every day with them and with 3 under 3 I love it there development etc. Well worth taking time out from full time work for me anyhow

Yep absolutely agree that time for yourself is so important and helps to support being a good parent. When dc started school I had a friend who would be so upset that they were going back after the summer break but I was so happy and relieved!!! They were ready for routine and so was I! Never feel bad for needing me time, we are more than just parents.

Totally normal OP. I would never do it, but we're all different and find our comfort in different situations. I can almost guarantee that the choices we've made for our children and as a family would be things that you wouldn't do for yours, and both, as long as everyone is safe and happy, are perfectly good options!

Judgmental comments like this are why the OP can’t express a perfectly normal opinion out loud 🤦🏽‍♀️

She can have that opinion. Other people won't agree. That's life.

Oh god totally normal, to those saying “oh i love spending every second with my children” you can’t tell me you don’t breath a sigh of relief when they finally go down for a nap for couple hours and you can get some stuff done without them being about? Its not much different xx

Totally normal .You can still love and nurture your child deeply while you also value your own time . Parenting isn’t about total self sacrifice, a healthy sustainable environment is better for you and your kids . Do what you need to do .

God yes. As soon as I went back to work I felt so much happier, and I don’t even really like my job.

I have 2 weeks off over Xmas and I’m already excited to have a few days when she is nursery and I’m off work.

It’s so important to get sometime to yourself where you can.

Totally agree with you OP but I see a lot of competitive ‘I’m the best mother in the world because I can’t bear to spend a single second away from my baby’ despite the fact the ‘ baby’is now 18 😂😂I think it better and healthier for everyone to have a bit of time away from each and forge independent lives. I think a mother who smothers is much more likely to lose their child in the long term than one who fosters independent growth.

I was a SAHM with mine for their first three years and the joy of a cup of tea when they eventually went to nursery was 100000/10. It’s okay to admit that having some time to yourself feels really good, especially after months/years of interrupted thoughts/tasks/sleep/conversations. I was a very quiet person before kids and I think that’s why it felt so good to have my own time/space - it’s what I’d enjoyed for years!

I also think we all, as parents, have different times that we find fun/easier: it’s okay to find the early years really hard/intense and to enjoy time on your own. You might be someone who prefers the primary years or someone who really enjoys the back and forth of the teenager years. That doesn’t mean you’re not an amazing mum right now! As long as your DC knows they are unconditionally loved by you and when you are together you are responsive, it’s okay to appreciate a quiet cup of tea whilst they are with someone else who is responsive and caring.

It's just different personalities. I NEED time away from the incessant demands of being a mother (and a wife), others don't. The most important think for the baby is for you to be happy - this means you can be present when you are with them. Look after yourself and they will also thrive.

(BTW I go away for work twice a year and LOVE a week working bloody hard, but with my evenings solo. Heaven. It recharges me)

Perfectly ok.

I used to book annual leave when my son was in nursery and send him for the day. I got so much done at home.

Another day was just to have a chill out day and a nap.

Completely normal. I remember when my first started nursery at 9 months. The staff were very much like, just call us if you want an update or miss her or are worried or need to talk to us for any reason. I was like, see ya! I couldn’t get out of there to drink coffee and do some work fast enough. I love dd (and ds who came a few years later), but I love doing other things too and I was thrilled to skip off back to work.

I have a friend who nearly had a mental breakdown from financial stress and being totally overwhelmed by never having a break because she wouldn’t go back to work until her dc started school as she couldn’t bear to leave them at nursery. I thought that was bonkers. I’ve always prioritised quality over quantity. We don’t need to be together all the time, but when we are together, I want to be refreshed, engaged, enjoying it as much as possible, not exhausted and breaking down from never having 5 minutes to myself.

My dds started nursery at 2.5 and I was very happy to have time on my hands for a few hours a day! I was a sahm so all of that time was for me and not having to do any work (albeit plenty of errands and chores). When they were aged 1 I was with dds all the time but we went to classes and concerts where I could switch off a bit and let the leader do the entertaining, plus 2 hours of naps a day, and it's important to have that time I think.

Perfectly ok and it is what the majority of men do without judgement

God forgive me but I would not be able to spend 24/7 with my 1 year old. I have neither the stamina nor the patience for it 😅

They learn a lot from different settings and different people.

It’s normal, it’s not the same for everyone but we are all different. I’m with you though, I like a bit of time to myself. It means I can be a better mum when it’s my time with my DCs, and DS loves going to nursery where he gets to do all the activities, play with his friends, extracurricular activities they bring into the nursery as well as it being a great head start for his education too and giving a good foundation. I wouldn’t want him there full time but a balance is good.

Of course! When Ihad my second and gave up work the first still went to daycare twice a week and rte baby started at one year twice a week. Full day it was great to have rte break! Also made the transition to school easy.

I booked my DD into nursery on an extra day (Monday) every week when she was one just so DP and I could have a spare day to do stuff. Often it was housework or food shopping etc but sometimes it was going to the hairdresser or going out for lunch. DD loved nursery, the house was more organised, everyone was happier.