My toddler needs glasses and I’m heartbroken

[imnotchoosingthem]

Hi, I hope i am posting in the right area. My main reason for my post is to find out if any other parents out there have felt like I have and can offer some advice/support.

my 22 month old son went for an eye test with Paediatric Ophthalmology yesterday and was given a prescription of +7 in one eye and +7.5 in the other eye. This came following a referral of the gp after we were concerned about his left eye turning inward sometimes, him closing the left eye when focusing, and giving the side eye a lot. She said that the problem he has is the muscle behind the left eye is too short and isn’t allowing the eye to be centre, instead pulling it inwards, therefore the right eye is doing all the work but straining. She said the best corrective treatment for this is glasses, and some cases by age 7 it will have worked completely, sometimes it will have worked but glasses may still be needed.

I made an appointment at specsavers for this morning for us to go and choose his frames. I don’t know why, but when we got to specsavers and the lady got out a few frames for him to try, my heart absolutely broke :( I honestly don’t know why. I accept he needs glasses, i wear glasses myself for driving and I will do whatever it takes to help his visual development, but seeing him trying on the frames and pulling them off and looking uncomfortable really upset me :( my partner knew I was getting upset and took over. Of course he still looks beautifully handsome
to me, with or without glasses, but I feel so sad for him having to tolerate this at such a young age. I know it’s one of those things, lots of kids need glasses and it’s absolutely not the end of the world. I’m a primary teacher and a couple of kids in my class have glasses and it’s totally normal, I know this, but I feel really sorry for my not even 2 year old :( I can’t put my finger on why. He looked so cute in the frames he really did :(

i just want to ask, has anyone else’s child had the same muscle issue as my son? How did the treatment go and how on earth to I get him to keep his glasses on?? And has anyone else felt sad about their child needed glasses?

I was a bit upset at first. And now we have to do an eye patch as well for 4 hours a day. But its become business as usual and DD (now 5) has no problems with either the glasses or the patch! Great it was picked up so early!

DD is +7.5 in one eye, +7 in the other. She had glasses at 14m and was patched around 4. She's now a young adult and her eyesight has fluctuated a bit but not significantly. She looks weird without her glasses but I was sad when she first started wearing them. She has never been teased at all. She kept them on willingly because she could actually see - it's a very high prescription so glasses are literally life changing.
As a pp said, I wouldn't go to Specsavers. I tried them myself as an adult and they are shit, so no chance I'd trust them with my child's vision.

My daughter got her glasses prescribed just before she turned 3. We had noticed her left eye was turning in and took her for an appointment. Due to her age she had to have the appointment at the hospital. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of our lives unfortunately and we complained after. We were due to go on holiday literally 3 days after her eye test and the hospital told us to cancel the holiday and that they think the lazy eye was being caused by a mass on her brain. Obviously me and DH were floored and the next two days we were kept in hospital where she had to have neurological tests, a ct scan and an MRI scan. It was hell, and we genuinely thought something life threatening was happening - until, finally, they managed to get a child optometrist to come and asses my daughter , she took 5 minutes and was able to actually diagnose the issue, which turned out to be her left eye , the muscle hadn’t developed properly in utero and her vision in her left eye was very limited ( could only see 25cm in front of her) her prescription for her left eye was +9.5 and for many years we patched and used eye drops to help the lazy eye and help improve the strength in her poor eye, but we found after awhile this wasn’t helping her confidence and was actually affecting her ability in school as she was so self conscious she wouldn’t even speak up in class if she couldn’t see the work. She’s 9 now , and is thriving, plays football weekly for a team and school and in the youth team for a professional club, which has helped her confidence so much. She still wears her glasses, however, she doesn’t have to all the time now, we have just been told when she’s reading, writing, watching something etc, so mainly school and for certain things at home. She actually plays much better football without! I don’t think at the time I was upset she needed glasses as the entire experience was horrific I think in the end glasses was a welcomed outcome, but there have been times over the years when certain things haven’t been as accessible and as a parent I’ve hated that for her and it has upset me. But kids are so resilient, and you will find the younger they are the better because they won’t know any different, and they will get used to their own way with the glasses, like taking them off for soft play or P.E etc. there are also some amazing things they can do these days with kids frames, first of all they can be super flexible which helps with breaking! And they can thin down the lens and apply a film over so they don’t get any glare from screens. Just make sure you have a backup, the amount we have had break or be left at school 🤣 it can be daunting as it feels like this child you pictured is abit different now and may face more challenges but I promise that fades and it becomes normal to you all over time!!

My son had to wear glasses and a patch from about age 3. By age 7 he was able to ditch the glasses. He tolerated them really well and looking back, it wasn’t too much of an ordeal after accepting the diagnosis and what was needed

This. In spades. There’s videos of babies on social media and you should see their faces when glasses are put on them for the first time - their amazement and joy.

My DS had a +10 prescription at 18 months, you bribe them slowly and consistently, ok going to do something new put the glasses on, oh I see your glasses are off, let’s put them back on. No fuss just steady and consistent. It will take a while for him to adjust, his brain is used to seeing the world one way and this is an adjustment. He will get there, he will be fine. But you must make him wear them as consistently as possible, no forcing or screaming ab dabs to make it happen, sometimes just let it go, but a steady, this is not going away approach. My son still has a lazy eye when tired and not wearing his glasses (but he does wear them all the time) but otherwise you’d never know and he hasn’t needed surgery. His prescripstion has also dropped a little.

You can get silicone ones that are unbreakable and softening a little head and then they can wear them to soft play etc with much less risk.

My has worn glasses since he was 5. I’ve worn them since I was 20 and my dad since he was younger too.

I think we all look odd without them on now!

I never understand the hysteria over glasses.

Strange.

I say this as a parent of a child with very, very poor sight.

My wee toddler neighbour just got her glasses and I can honestly say she looks even cuter

I wore glasses from 2. Like your son I am long sighted and have a squint. I had two eye surgeries at 4 and 5, patch etc. I’ve always worn glasses. I can’t remember my surgeries at all and no one has ever been mean to me about wearing glasses. I like wearing them and feel weird without them! My eye doesn’t turn in anymore unless I am focusing on something close up so people don’t notice it. Genuinely don’t think early glasses and surgeries etc had any effect on me at all!

I could have written your post 10 years ago OP.
My Dd got glasses at 2. We noticed one eye turning in which was why I booked a test, but she didn't show any signs of poor vision. Turned out she had no focus in one eye so needed to start patching, and her eyesight was really weak in both eyes so she got glasses with a strong prescription. When we went to choose frames I cried as she looked so different and not like my baby, and the Optician was amazing and reassured me that I wasn't the first to have the same reaction.

From day 1 she loved them, took amazing care of her glasses and because she could see clearly we had no issues with her losing them. She actually never took them off and in the morning they were the first thing she reached for. She had a few years of wearing a patch which definitely helped her weaker eye work and focus, and her prescription has reduced as she's gotten older. She had a pair of bendable, unbreakable frames for a while (zoobugs) and if anyone mentioned them she would very seriously maintain eye contact, take them off and start bending them. Usually to gasps of horror from the poor unsuspecting commenter.

She's worn them through the soft play years, on rollercoasters and for years on her football team. She had prescription goggles for swimming which were brilliant, prescription sunglasses for holidays and she loves going to choose new frames. Her glasses are absolutely part of her identity and she looks so different now when she's not wearing them. She's 12 now and got contacts recently for sport and manages them so well but her glasses are 'her'.

It is a change but a good one for your DS and these new feelings do recede, I promise! Xx

My son had glasses from age 2, he was very long sighted. We made choosing his glasses a fun thing which he enjoyed.
His vision improved as he got older and in his twenties he no longer needed glasses. I think he was quite disappointed not to be able to choose trendy new glasses! 😅
I can always remember coming out of the opticians with his new glasses when he was two, he tripped over as his vision was so different and my heart ached for him, but honestly it was fine and I'm just grateful that he had that help available.

I think its a very normal feeling. I felt the same.

My daughter had glasses from age 6 and wore a patch for 3 hours a day.
But like others have said now 10 she doesn't look like her without glasses on. She loves them (other than genuinely being able to see), they are part of her identity now. Also I think kids glasses are so much better now that she's never been bullied because of wearing glasses.

They really can look cute - especially if they are the sort to slightly magnify their eyes.

When I was at prep there was a tiny child in reception who wore glasses. i thought she was the cutest thing in the world, and she knew I adored her and followed me everywhere at break. One day she came in, for some reason, without them, and she was still such a lovely little girl but I couldn't push away the thought "you don't look so cute!"

So I wouldn't worry about any of that. And it's best he gets the treatment he needs.

I suspect your feelings are less related to the glasses themselves, and more to the fact that we can't stop things impacting our dc. When they are very little that's quite a scary thing to come to terms with.

As an adult glasses wearer, my glasses are the most important thing in my life. I panic if I can't find them. Ironically, I can't find them if I'm not wearing them, and my girls laugh at me because I've often pushed them up onto my head, or left them in the bathroom. My actual vision isn't terrible, but I have a significant astigmatism and need prisms to help my eyes work together.

Your DS is getting glasses at an age where he simply won't remember a time without them. This is absolutely the best time to get them. It's a huge shock for you and all the feelings are normal, but he will be ok.