My toddler needs glasses and I’m heartbroken

[imnotchoosingthem]

Hi, I hope i am posting in the right area. My main reason for my post is to find out if any other parents out there have felt like I have and can offer some advice/support.

my 22 month old son went for an eye test with Paediatric Ophthalmology yesterday and was given a prescription of +7 in one eye and +7.5 in the other eye. This came following a referral of the gp after we were concerned about his left eye turning inward sometimes, him closing the left eye when focusing, and giving the side eye a lot. She said that the problem he has is the muscle behind the left eye is too short and isn’t allowing the eye to be centre, instead pulling it inwards, therefore the right eye is doing all the work but straining. She said the best corrective treatment for this is glasses, and some cases by age 7 it will have worked completely, sometimes it will have worked but glasses may still be needed.

I made an appointment at specsavers for this morning for us to go and choose his frames. I don’t know why, but when we got to specsavers and the lady got out a few frames for him to try, my heart absolutely broke :( I honestly don’t know why. I accept he needs glasses, i wear glasses myself for driving and I will do whatever it takes to help his visual development, but seeing him trying on the frames and pulling them off and looking uncomfortable really upset me :( my partner knew I was getting upset and took over. Of course he still looks beautifully handsome
to me, with or without glasses, but I feel so sad for him having to tolerate this at such a young age. I know it’s one of those things, lots of kids need glasses and it’s absolutely not the end of the world. I’m a primary teacher and a couple of kids in my class have glasses and it’s totally normal, I know this, but I feel really sorry for my not even 2 year old :( I can’t put my finger on why. He looked so cute in the frames he really did :(

i just want to ask, has anyone else’s child had the same muscle issue as my son? How did the treatment go and how on earth to I get him to keep his glasses on?? And has anyone else felt sad about their child needed glasses?

A small note - sometimes glasses take some getting used to.
It helps to start with them rested, ideally first thing in the morning.

My niece had glasses from about 18m, a really strong prescription in one eye and slightly less in the other. As soon as she could understand what they were she was obsessed with those glasses. Bless her. She tried to sleep in them every night and my brother had to make her a little hammock so they were next to her bed 😂
She looked very cute in them too, and she always looked forward to picking new colours and frames.
She's 22 now and very occasionally wears contacts but mainly glasses, and she still looks gorgeous in them.
Your boy will look so sweet, and how amazing that he has been diagnosed and now will be able to see! A lot of children in the past and elsewhere in the world won't have that chance.
Not to mention everyone will think he's smart!

My daughter had glasse from about 3 I think, and had to have a patch for a certain number of hours a day for a few years at the same age. She's 15 now and looks odd to me without glasses! She wears them all the time apart from sleeping, bathing and swimming
She never needed to take them off for soft play etc. She's always seemed to manage with swimming so we never got round to looking at the prescription goggles, but I know some do.

I worried about her having them, but it's never been as issue, loads do within the first few years of primary and some of her friends actively wanted them! She never complained about wearing them because she could see so much better! Because she rarely took them off she never lost them and rarely broke them. She was maybe a year or so older than your son, and not very boisterous / rough or sporty, though so I can understand some little ones will find it harder. But it will be ok, and you and he will adapt quickly - children that young get used to things quickly and don't feel self conscious.

I totally understand where you’re coming from, and at the same time, it might help you to know that your feelings are out of sync with the actual situation here. Once he’s got glasses that actually work, and you’re feeling calmer, and he’s got a bit of elastic for behind the ears, and is out in the playpark not feeling awks at the optician, it’ll all be fine.

Fwiw, I had same as your son but much worse with glasses from a few months old, multiple surgeries, etc. And I’d like to reassure you that I’m a wildly successful adult 😂 and have always been just fine.

Fucking hell. It's just glasses. Be thankful it's not chemo!

Honestly grow up.

My DC got eyes tested in the reception health check and was referred to an optician. We boosted them up saying how cool it was to have glasses. Only to turn up to the opticians and them say that there was nothing they could do to correct the eyesight as DC has a particular condition which glasses won’t do anything for. Then DC was pretty upset not to get the glasses and so were we at the prospect of not having a way to address the eyesight! TBF everything was fine in the end and we got some good doctor assistance and advice and the condition is manageable. Plus later on DC became short sighted and then needed glasses after all 🤣So in all kindness, try and keep your perspective. Glasses are fab and cool and they may sort everything out permanently for your child! But sympathy to you- it’s very hard when they’re so little seeing them have to deal with any sort of challenge.

@SepticPegsSepticLeg it is ok for OP to be upset.

@imnotchoosingthem your ds will be fine and I hope he loves his new specs

My son was just turned two when we found out he needed glasses.

We were a little upset initially. However, seeing his face when he put the new “working” frames with lenses on was amazing. I think he suits them so much, and lots of strangers say so too. Now, a year on, he puts them on and says “I can see now!”

He also has a slight squint and we are on the waitlist to speak to a consultant about the pros and cons of surgery.

What I will say is, while his squint hasn’t improved, his eyesight has since he started wearing glasses full time.

My DS is nearly 15 now and has worn glasses since he was 18m old. His prescription has improved but he will likely always need them. He has goggles from the optician for swimming which he is quite into so it's worth it. He got used to the glasses quite quickly, stopped patching after a few years and has ever really looked back. No social stigma either.

One of mine put his glasses on for the first time and he just stared at me in astonishment. After a few seconds, he grinned the biggest grin. He's a lively boy, and his glasses aren't taken off unless he's in bed.

The only time he wanted them off was when he was ill and had a temperature.

DD get hers at 2. Didn’t surprise me. She had laser eye surgery at 8 weeks corrected (27weeker - that was to save her sight full stop or she would have become blind)

had a squint that’s been corrected and then went the other way and this still goes on slowly through the years. She’s 16 now, the squint is back, no biggie, we go back to specsavers.

I will say , at such a young age, to try some independent opticians. We were recommended one by the hospital and they seemed to specialise in kids more than Specsavers do.
Another tip is to make sure they are the first thing they have in the morning .

My ds6 has a ptosis so he sees 2 eye doctors (i forget which types) every 3 months at a specialist hospital. His eyesight is actually not bad, no glasses needed, but sometimes we have to patch for 6 months or so to keep them even. And he will need surgery at some point - they recommend we wait until he's old enough to have it under local rather than general so he can sit upright and get a better result, UNLESS it starts to cause irreversible damage to his vision.

It is pretty upsetting tbh. He's already had 2 essential surgeries (both this year!), so im keen to put off more! Despite his surgeries and eye issues, he's actually a healthy child with no illness/disability, just bad luck (and somehow no broken bones yet, despite severe clumsiness, hyperactivity, and paying no attention to surroundings...)

My granddaughter had glasses from the age of about 5 months. She ended up having them that early from failing the newborn hearing test (she had hearing aids from a similar age) her prescription was a 9.5 (has now dropped slightly down to a 7.5 a couple of years ago. She is 10 now). She adapted so well to the glasses and hearing aids ( they glasses did take a bit of perseverance as she was so young). They are just part of who she is now.

Totally get it OP, I felt sad when my perfect little boy started having to have glasses, he also needed patches for ages. I didn’t want anything to change how I saw his perfect lovely face and it felt so weird. I remember particularly liking taking photos of him when he was eg swimming and didn’t have them on, as he looked how he “ought” to look. But that was just to start with. It was totally just me getting used to them becoming him. He’s now sitting on the next sofa to me age 15, glasses on, totally beautiful, and for years (probably just a few months after he started wearing them) it has been his normal face. It just takes a little getting accustomed to the new look and it’s just as gorgeous.

He was also a v resistant toddler, I was absolutely dreading trying to get him to wear glasses. But he took to them straight away. He basically can’t see much without them. Quite how he’d been managing I don’t know! It will be so much nicer for him with them and you are brilliant to catch it so early - we were a good year later.

He also had to do patching - he really didn’t like it for the first few days but got used to it quickly enough. It all passes v fast!

Now he’s older he’s tried contacts, he uses them for sport sometimes but he can’t quite be faffed to wear them daily. He likes his glasses!

You can get prescription swimming goggles quite cheaply, and prescription sports goggles (like wraparound ski shades) more expensively - good for things like rugby. Something for the future!

Totally understandable to feel upset OP. I was, when my son got glasses when he was 7, and I felt guilty as I knew I was being irrational and that there were far worse things. But it was still how I felt. My son got contact lenses at 11 and laser surgery at 21.

My DD has a +7 prescription too, she will wear glasses for life though. She got her first pair when she was 12 months old. She got a lot of attention from strangers which was a bit weird for me at first. People were mystified how you can do an eye test on a baby! She's never been picked on at school for having glasses, there are so many kids that wear them. She's 10 years old now.

She didn't try to take them off when younger, but to begin with we did have a strap at the back as her nose was too small to keep them on.

One tip I will mention though is its worth trying an independent opticians, especially with him being so young. Specsavers were a bit shit for us but my DD is a bit of a complex case.

I completely understand, your feelings are natural. I felt the same when my 5 year old recently got glasses. I think it’s because we’re so used to seeing their gorgeous little faces and don’t want their ‘look’ to alter.
Don’t worry. Let yourself feel how you feel - just try not to let them feel your worry or sadness. My boy loves his new glasses, he thinks they’re cool and wears them even when he doesn’t need to. I’m sure your boy will quickly become comfortable with his.

My now 8 year old has had:

glasses
an eye patch
eye surgery
and now glasses again.

wearing the glasses has never been a problem. He can’t see without them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had glasses from age 11. Because I was almost a teen, I despised them. I took them off between lessons. I wouldn't wear them on nights out as I got older. I only really grew to accept them in my mid 20's. Now aged 31 I obviously don't give a crap. I can't imagine myself without glasses. They're just part of me. And honestly, I'm very thankful for my glasses. My eye sight is very poor and I'd be really quite disabled without them.

It will be easier for him to have them young. He will never know any differently. You also get so used to seeing people with glasses, that soon you won't remember him without them. As he gets older, he can wear contacts. Glasses don't look nerdy anymore. There are some lovely modern ones. Lots of children wear them and the likelihood of being picked on for glasses is slim.

Hi my younger DS had glasses from about 2 to 5 - I was worried about how it would work out but apart from having to get them mended quite a few times he was fine and they corrected the problem and he did look v cute in them - I was more worried that he would need surgery. I think it’s normal to be worried about our kids when they need medical treatment but do try not to stress

Ah OP, please do a YouTube-shorts search of young children being able to see properly for the first time with their glasses. 🥲 Also the hearing aid ones 💛

I understand it might be a bit of a shock but being "heartbroken" is really excessive, and your child might pick up on it. My baby had glasses from 9 weeks old! Slightly annoying trying to keep them on but he gets lots of compliments. I'd recommend the Tomato brand, theyre bomb proof.

Slightly different perspective, but I started wearing glasses at 11/12 months old as it was very apparent I couldn’t see properly and one eye turned inwards. My prescription is still, as it was then, above +8 in both eyes. I had surgery to correct that eye at just over two years old and patches on and off before and after. I’ve never felt disadvantages wearing glasses and now I’m in my early 30s choose to wear them over contacts as they just seem part of me! It doesn’t have to be a bad thing OP, and try to make it something exciting for your child so they don’t pick up on you feeling upset about the glasses!

I think you need to stop a bit and try to calm down.

You are not being rational, either about the glasses or the surgery. But just slow down and let yourself catch up. Do some deep breathing and let the panic subside. It's always a shock when something is found but you will adjust.

Focus on today. Your son is healthier today than yesterday because he has had help and guidance from trained professionals. The next step is him getting used to the first glasses. So read up all the advice you can on that.

Do not rule out future surgery. No one 'wants' their child to have surgery, but good parents take medical advice and weigh up the options at the appropriate time, which is what you'll do I'm sure.

My son also had something similar about the same age (but numbers nowhere near as high) and ended up wearing glasses from 18months until about 15 when his face grew and the issue went away. I never believed the consultant on all his many appointments when he said that this might well happen.
one piece of advice I’d give is that he shied away from hand eye coordination sports at school and I indulged. It is hard but do push and encourage your child to stay engaged with sport despite their reluctance because it is “harder for them”. He eventually did rowing and then got into acting as a hobby at school so found his own path, but I do regret that he never stayed involved with a team sport as that is a lot of fun that you can take into uni/adulthood. Good luck with it all.