My toddler needs glasses and I’m heartbroken

[imnotchoosingthem]

Hi, I hope i am posting in the right area. My main reason for my post is to find out if any other parents out there have felt like I have and can offer some advice/support.

my 22 month old son went for an eye test with Paediatric Ophthalmology yesterday and was given a prescription of +7 in one eye and +7.5 in the other eye. This came following a referral of the gp after we were concerned about his left eye turning inward sometimes, him closing the left eye when focusing, and giving the side eye a lot. She said that the problem he has is the muscle behind the left eye is too short and isn’t allowing the eye to be centre, instead pulling it inwards, therefore the right eye is doing all the work but straining. She said the best corrective treatment for this is glasses, and some cases by age 7 it will have worked completely, sometimes it will have worked but glasses may still be needed.

I made an appointment at specsavers for this morning for us to go and choose his frames. I don’t know why, but when we got to specsavers and the lady got out a few frames for him to try, my heart absolutely broke :( I honestly don’t know why. I accept he needs glasses, i wear glasses myself for driving and I will do whatever it takes to help his visual development, but seeing him trying on the frames and pulling them off and looking uncomfortable really upset me :( my partner knew I was getting upset and took over. Of course he still looks beautifully handsome
to me, with or without glasses, but I feel so sad for him having to tolerate this at such a young age. I know it’s one of those things, lots of kids need glasses and it’s absolutely not the end of the world. I’m a primary teacher and a couple of kids in my class have glasses and it’s totally normal, I know this, but I feel really sorry for my not even 2 year old :( I can’t put my finger on why. He looked so cute in the frames he really did :(

i just want to ask, has anyone else’s child had the same muscle issue as my son? How did the treatment go and how on earth to I get him to keep his glasses on?? And has anyone else felt sad about their child needed glasses?

My dd had glasses from 18 months.
She had a squint and was long sighted in both eyes (same as your child)
She still has glasses now (is 21y) and doesn't look right without them. Given your dc's prescription I imagine he will need his long term too.

My dd had a wee strap to help keep her glasses on as her nose bridge was too small to support the glasses. She didn't try to take them off and didn't break them often either

My dd also needed to wear a patch for a while as one eye had poorer sight than the other. The patch forced the other eye to work. At age 4ish she also had an eye operation as she was still squinting with her glasses on.

Some kids look adorable in glasses. We had a boy at school and if anyone called him 4 eyes etc he would just say ‘4 eyes are better than 2!’ and end the conversation.

Thank you so much for your response! Yes it is a very strong prescription, he actually has to start on +5 as the +7 will be too strong. He has to work up to the +7. The optician explained to me that when he is older he could have surgery if the treatment with glasses isn’t successful, but we really don’t want him to have surgery :( Were you upset when your daughter got glasses?

I can’t describe how cute he looked in the glasses! He’s so handsome

I was upset to start with as neither dh or I wore glasses. But she could see properly so that was a bonus. Now her face looks naked without them

My DS had glasses from the age of 3. I can say he never once got bullied at school for wearing glasses, not once.
He now wears contact lenses and it hasn’t had any impact on his life.
One thing I would like to ask though is why don’t you want your DC to have surgery that could improve their life? That seems like a very strange decision to make.

I was also really upset when my son needed glasses at age 1. I cried about it. Same as you I knew it was not really serious but just didn't want him to have to deal with something extra compared to others. I hated growing up with glasses, got teased, never felt as pretty because of them, feel I missed out on sports and swimming experiences because of them. I switched to contacts as soon as I was 16 and most people don't know I wear glasses. However my son is ADORABLE in his glasses, he loves them, reaches for them first thing, hates to be without them. He gets sooo much attention for them when out and about. I totally get how you feel but I think it will ease off, it did for me. When I do feel sad I try to put it in perspective that thankfully his only 'problem' is something so treatable and thankfully I live somewhere with access to good eye care. He will also need a surgery when a little older.

I don’t think it’s strange we don’t want our son to have eye surgery, what parent really wants their child to need eye surgery??
if he needs eye surgery in the future, of course we would do absolutely anything to improve his life and visual development. Believe me I would never ever refuse anything medical for either of my kids if they needed it. I just hope it doesn’t come to that and the glasses are successful

Thank you for your reply! its reassuring to hear your son loves and accepts his glasses. Can I ask, when you go to soft play or any activity like that, does he keep them on or take them off? And for swimming does he take them off or does he have special goggles?
exactly like you say, i know it’s not a huge problem, I just feel sad he has something that most other kids don’t have to deal with :(

It will be totally fine. Dd got glasses, not quite as young because frankly we missed it that she was struggling until she started reading. I can’t remember the prescription now, but she was very long sighted.

The glasses have helped her build up strength in her eyes and the prescription has gotten better over the years. She went back this year at 12 and it’s completely corrected itself. 🤷🏻‍♀️ No longer needs any glasses at all. It will be okay. And children’s eyes change a lot as they grow.

oh it is so sad, I remember this well. My DS got into Reception at school before it was picked up. I remember ugly crying in SpecSavers after the school nurse recommended i get his eyes checked. I felt so guilty that I hadn’t noticed that he couldn’t see a thing (he was also +7.5 in both eyes) However he took to glasses like a duck to water - obviously because he could actually see finally! When he was around 14 he started wearing contact lenses (mainly because he played football and they were better than prescription sports glasses)

It IS heartbreaking at first because no one likes to think of their child as less than perfect, but your child is perfect and always will be, but your feelings are completely valid. Be kind to yourself

Yes I usually take them off for soft play and occasionally for wrestling with his brother at home athough tbf both him and his older brother are quite careful about them. They really don't seem to bother him as much as I worried they would. He doesn't do much swimming yet he's only 2 so we haven't had that issue. I got him prescription sunglasses which are also adorable, he is much more light sensitive than my older boy which I think might be due to his squint. This might sound strange but we often see another little boy in our community who is visually impaired and uses a stick and that really put things in perspective for me. I hope that doesnt sound offensive to anyone. Good luck with it all.

I remember asking a friend how she got her toddler DD to keep her glasses on. She said it was no trouble as her DD really couldn't see without them and really liked being about to see.

Aren't you excited that he will be able to see you clearly for the first time?

My son had a similar prescription to that about the same age. He had already developed a squint before he got diagnosed so he had to wear patches as well until he was 8. I don’t remember being particularly upset about the glasses as I was more concerned about the potential loss of vision. I don’t think there’s anything bad about feeling heartbroken though; it’s a big adjustment. My son is 19 now and it’s difficult to imagine him without glasses. He tried contact lenses for a while and his friends all begged him to go back to wearing glasses as they couldn’t get used to it!

With a prescription that strong, it usually takes a while to make glasses so make sure you have a spare pair in case one gets broken. At one point my son had three pairs of glasses as one of the children at the childminder kept taking his glasses off him and breaking them. Also, it’s early days now, but when he’s older you may want to get prescription swimming goggles for him if he’s having lessons.

Op, if you are upset at glasses, you need to prepare yrself for the possibility of a patch. (I found that harder). My lo wore glasses from age 3, wore a patch for first yr or 2 of school, photos with patch, it was our normal and he was fine. But ans he got older he struggled with it more, was not the only kid in school with a patch. Always wore the glasses and never had any difficulty with that. We went through many pairs, some lasted a week, some a few months.

played football - got sports goggles- pricey and v cool looking

swimming - got prescription goggles - pricey but meant he could see teacher

as a teen he doesn’t wear them anymore, prefers no glasses at footy, his choice.

sometimes as parents we can’t stop our kids going through things but we can be there with them and make it as ok as we can.
sometimes of the tests involved drops that were painful for lo.

his prescription did decrease over the years (from 10 to about a 7). The glasses and patch did their thing as we followed the medical advice.

your lo will be fine, there are lots of funky kids glasses, Batman, butterflies and all in between 👓

If it helps you feel any better, they failed to spot something wrong in the way that my eyes were developing when I was a child until I was 5 or 6 at which point it was too late to treat. As a result, my vision in one eye is completely blurry and have a very limited field of vision. Hopefully by catching it early and with the right glasses, your DS will have a better chance of his vision correcting.

He will be fine OP. My husband has had glasses from a young age and it has never stopped him doing anything. He is an avid sportsman and even has a private pilot's license now!
He could have had surgery to correct the problem but has chosen not to. He wears contacts sometimes but gets on well with specs.
He has special goggles for swimming (Boots sell them and they're not expensive)

OP - can you try reframing (slight pun!) it as being bloody marvelous that your son has access to glasses that help him to see and might even correct the problem? My DD is at uni now and loves getting a new pair of specs. She's worn them since Reception and never been teased. Sometimes she'll wear contact lens but prefers glasses. Her vision is so poor without them, I find them quite miraculous.

He will get used to them quickly. As a glasses wearer of more than 25 years after awhile they just become almost part of you. I would highly recommend getting a second pair as then if they get lost or broken it’s not a big deal. They also used to do some with like a soft band instead of arms for young children which might be worth looking at.
I would also advise having whatever scratch proofing they offer if you can. Scratched lenses really impact on vision and it’s so easy for them to be scratched. I personally now always get reactor light lenses so they turn darker in sunlight. Not sure if these are an option for children but they may be worth considering too.

I wore glasses from the age of 4, and got teased for it. I used to really resist wearing my glasses and as a result my eyes never corrected and I still have 2D vision.

I was amazed to hear, from my own kids, that the stigma around glasses has largely disappeared in school. They claim to have never heard anyone being called speccy four eyes and were both a bit disappointed to not need glasses.

I do understand how emotional this is for you, OP, but all will be fine.

Dd was a +7.5 too. Wore glasses from age 2. I just kept putting them back on until she got used to them. She managed to avoid surgery. Her prescription got a little better as she got older. She had contact lenses in secondary school. It is upsetting but he will be fine. Most people on her uni course wear glasses she was saying. She tends to wear contacts out then puts her glasses in the evening.

I was thinking this too, the current generation don't seem as negative about glasses as it seemed when I was growing up. Generally more accepting re appearance overall perhaps.

I got my glasses a bit older and I never had a problem with them - no teasing, no feeling bad.

I see it as "everyone is dealing with something and my bad eyesight is easily compensated with a pair of glasses, lucky me".

I remember asking a friend how she got her toddler DD to keep her glasses on. She said it was no trouble as her DD really couldn't see without them and really liked being about to see.

This. As someone with a very high, specialty prescription (for reference, I can't even tell I have feet if I look down without contact lenses or glasses) who wore glasses from preschool age and contacts from age 7, my initial thought was "wait until he actually gets to wear functioning glasses to see how he reacts". He looked uncomfortable trying on glasses because he was perplexed and doesn't understand why you kept putting these weird things on his face while radiating heavy emotions. He doesn't understand what glasses are yet or that they're going to make him so much more comfortable. He doesn't understand that other people can see things he can't or that all the work he does to look at things can be eased so quickly and easily. But he will; when his actual glasses are ready you'll be able to put them on him and he'll immediately get it, and he'll like being able to see. He'll also quickly adjust to seeing himself in photos and mirrors with them and the way they feel on his face.

As PP mentioned, get a spare set when you can. Create special homes for his glasses (a tray in his room, a few cases for away from home - let him decorate them with stickers and put his name on them) and make it a rule from day 1 that glasses go in one of those safe places any time they're not on his face. But I wouldn't worry about him feeling negatively towards them or seeing them as a burden.