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Original poster

The father of my daughter.

29 replies

AnnChlo · 27/09/2025 20:59

Hey Mummas.

I had my baby girl in May, me and her dad was never together, I was on the depo injection and fell pregnant, we have been friends for 2/3 years, but got close but didn’t take it any more further then “friends with benefits” he also told me he never wanted a relationship but always let’s say begged to see me, anyway…. Yesterday he face timed me and our daughter, things were going great, until I said want me to drop Lily off to see you for a bit, and he said his flat is a mess and tried making every excuse under the sun, so I said okay no worries , and then he just randomly started saying “this is why I could never be a dad, I don’t have my life on track like you do, started raising his voice and I said okay I will leave you to it and he hung up, I texted him a couple minutes after saying that wasn’t very nice to say this whilst on Call, and he texted back “fuck off” I ignored him, and later that day I texted him saying “I’ll drop your jumper and t-shirt off tomorrow I’ll leave it out side your front door “he lives in a block of flats so I knew his things would be ok out side his door” and later that night he was texting me asking to see me, I said No I don’t want to see you, he said “fuck sake please let me see you” again I said No, he went quiet for abit so I thought ok thank god , a few minutes later he texted again please let me see you I was having a shit day, I said I don’t care you don’t take it out on me, and he said “do you want a hug” I replied back NO , I will block you if you carry on texting me, he said please don’t block me, there’s no need to block me, I explained it’s not the first time he’s raised his voice at me, it’s not the first time he’s manipulated me, it’s the first time he’s said “I can’t be a dad” so I said I’m done I’m walking away, and he said, what do you mean we was never together….. URM I know that I said, he only sees Lily once a week for a few hours… but please girls tell me what I should do?? Block him, leave him unlocked? I cannot be bothered with him talking to me like this any more.

OP posts:
Teachingagain · 28/09/2025 06:21

Why was his T shirt and jumper at your flat? Are you having sex with him still? This man has only ever wanted you for sex and he has been up front with the. He doesn’t want and will never be in a relationship with you.

Why were you suddenly telling him you were bring your child round. This should be agreed in advance.

Don’t block him. Just make sure all conservation is polite and it either answering questions or sharing info about your child.

Snorlaxo · 28/09/2025 06:32

Was the jumper at your flat because you’re still having sex? He clearly wants to see you for sex so why is your dd having FaceTime with a man that doesn’t want to really know her? Are you hoping to manipulate him into being an actual parent with the FaceTime calls? Think about the damage that it will do to your dd when she’s old enough to remember the calls and ask to see him in person.

If you’re too weak to say no to his manipulations then block. Yesterday’s call should have been a “no” then “bye” from you instead of back and forward conversation.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 28/09/2025 06:39

It’s obvious you are just a free shag to him.
He doesn’t want a relationship with either you or his daughter.
Start and put your child first.
And make sure you are using contraception so you don’t end up in this position again.
Also go through CMS to claim child support from him. This might also make him grow up and stop having children with random women.

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Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 06:58

Teachingagain · 28/09/2025 06:21

Why was his T shirt and jumper at your flat? Are you having sex with him still? This man has only ever wanted you for sex and he has been up front with the. He doesn’t want and will never be in a relationship with you.

Why were you suddenly telling him you were bring your child round. This should be agreed in advance.

Don’t block him. Just make sure all conservation is polite and it either answering questions or sharing info about your child.

Hey. No we’ve not had sex in well over 6 months, and he had left his jumper at mine, and it was planned for me to drop our daughter off his for a couple hours that day as I had plans. X

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:01

Snorlaxo · 28/09/2025 06:32

Was the jumper at your flat because you’re still having sex? He clearly wants to see you for sex so why is your dd having FaceTime with a man that doesn’t want to really know her? Are you hoping to manipulate him into being an actual parent with the FaceTime calls? Think about the damage that it will do to your dd when she’s old enough to remember the calls and ask to see him in person.

If you’re too weak to say no to his manipulations then block. Yesterday’s call should have been a “no” then “bye” from you instead of back and forward conversation.

Hey. We’ve not had sex in well over 6 months lovely, the plan was for him to have our daughter that day but he was being a dick. There’s nothing like that going on between me and him. I was dropping his jumper off to get it out of my way.. x

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:03

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 28/09/2025 06:39

It’s obvious you are just a free shag to him.
He doesn’t want a relationship with either you or his daughter.
Start and put your child first.
And make sure you are using contraception so you don’t end up in this position again.
Also go through CMS to claim child support from him. This might also make him grow up and stop having children with random women.

Hey lovely, we’ve not had sex in 6 months it’s nothing like that with us. It was planned for him to have our daughter that day but he started acting up saying shit. And he does give me child maintenance every month. X

OP posts:
Teachingagain · 28/09/2025 07:04

Why were you facetiming if you were dropping your daughter there later?

Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:06

Teachingagain · 28/09/2025 07:04

Why were you facetiming if you were dropping your daughter there later?

he face timed to see our daughter, he just wanted to see her so he said, the camera wasn’t on just her, I don’t like having my picture done let alone going on camera lol x

OP posts:
Pricelessadvice · 28/09/2025 07:07

Are you both young? It all sounds very messy and childish.

Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:08

Pricelessadvice · 28/09/2025 07:07

Are you both young? It all sounds very messy and childish.

both in our early 20’s. X

OP posts:
Miss1983 · 28/09/2025 07:15

Hey sorry you are going through this. My daughters father is absent also so I understand its difficult.

I wouldn't block him just in case you need to speak to him in an emergency (not sure how much help he would be) I would just archive his messages (so they come through but you aren't alerted to them). You are doing the right thing by ignoring him and keeping your peace.

I'd set a clear boundary and say...

I dont appreciate being disrespected regardless what kind of day you are having.. do not raise your voice at me.
Our communication is simply about our daughter.
If you feel you dont want to be a father that's your decision but she is here now.
Decide how you want to proceed in terms of visiting and support financially but do not try and coerce me into having sex with you because that ship has sailed.

Doveyouknow · 28/09/2025 07:19

Just put in place a regular time when he picks up his dd and then limit communication to discussions about your dd. There is no need to call or facetime as he will see his dd regularly. He is her dad so blocking communication totally is not going to work - unfortunately you are stuck with him.

Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:21

Miss1983 · 28/09/2025 07:15

Hey sorry you are going through this. My daughters father is absent also so I understand its difficult.

I wouldn't block him just in case you need to speak to him in an emergency (not sure how much help he would be) I would just archive his messages (so they come through but you aren't alerted to them). You are doing the right thing by ignoring him and keeping your peace.

I'd set a clear boundary and say...

I dont appreciate being disrespected regardless what kind of day you are having.. do not raise your voice at me.
Our communication is simply about our daughter.
If you feel you dont want to be a father that's your decision but she is here now.
Decide how you want to proceed in terms of visiting and support financially but do not try and coerce me into having sex with you because that ship has sailed.

Morning lovely, Awww bless, at first I did try my best to make more of an effort for him to see our daughter, but then realised it was always me that was planning the days and times and literally never him so i did back off loads.

and i also did tell him to never disrespect me or raise his voice at me again and he said “i was having a bad day and you made it about yourself “ but im not sure how because we didn’t speak about me after that.

its really annoyed me. I was thinking maybe he made plans that day he was meant to have our daughter and forgot so when i reminded him he got a little shitty with me. I don’t know. But like I said he’s raised his voice at me many times because of his “bad days” that’s why I said I’d block his number. X

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:23

Doveyouknow · 28/09/2025 07:19

Just put in place a regular time when he picks up his dd and then limit communication to discussions about your dd. There is no need to call or facetime as he will see his dd regularly. He is her dad so blocking communication totally is not going to work - unfortunately you are stuck with him.

See, this is the thing. We agree on times and days… and he’s either hours late, or doesn’t show up at all. And thinks a face time will make up to you. X

OP posts:
Styledilemma89 · 28/09/2025 07:29

You sound very nice and he sounds pretty unpleasant. I’m glad to hear he’s paying maintenance and seeing her once a week at least but it’s clear he’s not going to be much more than this.
I wouldn’t block him because it’s always good to keep lines of communication open for the future, but you clearly cannot rely on him for anything.
My ex started to be more involved as the children grew older but he’s never going to be dad of the year and I carry the weight of it all.
He went months without seeing them when they were little but I’ve never blocked him as I felt it was best they had some kind of relationship with their father.

Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:37

Styledilemma89 · 28/09/2025 07:29

You sound very nice and he sounds pretty unpleasant. I’m glad to hear he’s paying maintenance and seeing her once a week at least but it’s clear he’s not going to be much more than this.
I wouldn’t block him because it’s always good to keep lines of communication open for the future, but you clearly cannot rely on him for anything.
My ex started to be more involved as the children grew older but he’s never going to be dad of the year and I carry the weight of it all.
He went months without seeing them when they were little but I’ve never blocked him as I felt it was best they had some kind of relationship with their father.

Thank you lovely.
the thing is, he’s never texted once asking how she is, or needs anything, he’s never bought her anything, I know he pays child maintenance and some people will say well he doesn’t need to buy her anything if he gives you money for her, my point is, a little something special like a teddy or blanket off him for her would nice. Maybe telling him I’d block him was wrong of me but the way he way talking to me was disrespectful, I felt so much hate towards him when he was saying it all. X

OP posts:
Teachingagain · 28/09/2025 08:00

AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:23

See, this is the thing. We agree on times and days… and he’s either hours late, or doesn’t show up at all. And thinks a face time will make up to you. X

Show quote history

He is shit Dad but that isn’t going to change I’m afraid. It’s unfair and you’re within your rights to be angry but that isn’t going to help.

Remember you don’t have to agree to facetime or even reply to his mesaages. It maybe helpful to wait 30 mins after each message so you can think about what you want to reply.

Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 08:04

I understand that. I wasn’t angry at him like he was with me, all I said was I’ll block you if you carry on, but to be fair I think he’s blocked me now anyway as yesterday I texted him asking if he could have our daughter for an hour as I have a hospital appointment for a steroid injection in my knee I personally don’t want to take her incase she starts or something and I can’t get to her or something? And his message sent but doesn’t say delivered like it normally would . X

OP posts:
Styledilemma89 · 28/09/2025 08:20

AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:37

Thank you lovely.
the thing is, he’s never texted once asking how she is, or needs anything, he’s never bought her anything, I know he pays child maintenance and some people will say well he doesn’t need to buy her anything if he gives you money for her, my point is, a little something special like a teddy or blanket off him for her would nice. Maybe telling him I’d block him was wrong of me but the way he way talking to me was disrespectful, I felt so much hate towards him when he was saying it all. X

Show quote history

I don’t blame you for wanting to block him - he’s a douche. He’s doing below the bare minimum. It’s so frustrating (I’ve been there) but keep working on yourself and how you deal with the disappointment of who he is. Remember you can’t control how he behaves, but you can control how you react to him.

Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 08:26

It is frustrating, I think he’s blocked me now anyway, I sent him a message about me having a hospital appointment next week, and it’s sent but not delivered like it normally says, and it’s been like that since yesterday morning. Oh well. And yes that’s true. I’m always calm with him even when he does talk to me like shit. But he really got to me that’s why I said I’d block him if he carries on. X

OP posts:
Sunshineandgrapefruit · 28/09/2025 08:46

This unpredictability will do your daughter no good. Time for a serious chat. He either picks a regular time and actually sticks to it or removes himself from the situation and never sees her. Please tell me you didn't put him on the birth certificate?

Original poster
AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 08:59

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 28/09/2025 08:46

This unpredictability will do your daughter no good. Time for a serious chat. He either picks a regular time and actually sticks to it or removes himself from the situation and never sees her. Please tell me you didn't put him on the birth certificate?

Again…. I’ve had that chat with him, and he said “so you’re using her as a weapon, I said absolutely not, she deserves a dad that is there for her, that’s sees her regularly, and he said “I’m trying I really am” but that’s him saying that at least once a week, and never tries. And NO she does have his last name though. He’s just not on the birth certificate himself as he couldn’t even be bothered to meet me there at the appointment.

OP posts:
Miss1983 · 28/09/2025 13:31

AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 07:21

Morning lovely, Awww bless, at first I did try my best to make more of an effort for him to see our daughter, but then realised it was always me that was planning the days and times and literally never him so i did back off loads.

and i also did tell him to never disrespect me or raise his voice at me again and he said “i was having a bad day and you made it about yourself “ but im not sure how because we didn’t speak about me after that.

its really annoyed me. I was thinking maybe he made plans that day he was meant to have our daughter and forgot so when i reminded him he got a little shitty with me. I don’t know. But like I said he’s raised his voice at me many times because of his “bad days” that’s why I said I’d block his number. X

Show quote history

I think you have done all you can hun. If he has blocked you then at least you get some peace from his outbursts. Sorry he is not being the father you anticipated he would be.
Its just so crap isn't it?! Hopefully he has some time out and doesn't raise his voice to you again when he next gets in contact.

Leave the ball in his court, if he wants to see baby he will ask. As hurtful as it is.

Just protect your peace and tbh I really do not understand why men act like this its like they just don't see past themselves nor take accountability.

Teachingagain · 28/09/2025 16:33

AnnChlo · 28/09/2025 08:59

Again…. I’ve had that chat with him, and he said “so you’re using her as a weapon, I said absolutely not, she deserves a dad that is there for her, that’s sees her regularly, and he said “I’m trying I really am” but that’s him saying that at least once a week, and never tries. And NO she does have his last name though. He’s just not on the birth certificate himself as he couldn’t even be bothered to meet me there at the appointment.

Show quote history

I think it’s really easy to change this while she is under a year. Do it.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 01/10/2025 08:36

She did the right thing keeping him off the birth certificate. Sounds like he is going to constantly let his daughter down. Why on earth would she be putting him on the birth certificate? She doesn't need it for child support. That is something he can do from afar.