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Original poster

Overwhelmed and miserable

34 replies

babyclanchaos · 22/09/2025 11:02

I am so overwhelmed and miserable. I have 3 young children and an absolutely useless child of a partner.
the house we’re in is not fit for purpose and we desperately need to move, but lots of jobs need doing to make it sellable. Partner won’t “‘let me’ get on with anything as apparently I don’t do things properly and always cut corners. Ok.. so you do it then ?
things aren’t done and it’s been years
we have so much clutter in the house and not enough storage. Middle child is 2 and not talking so currently in the trenches with him just doing what toddlers do, youngest is 11 months so again she’s just doing what babies do. Which is fine. But the lack of structure / storage / all the clutter in the house is so overwhelming. I spend all day cleaning and tidying and cooking and doing childcare whilst partner studies and works nights. He threw a strop the other night as I didn’t remind him to put aftershave on before work !!!!!! He needs to get a grip. Have me a whole speech about how I should be supporting him. I thought are you well in the head? How is it my responsibility to remind you how to get yourself dressed properly. Moron

Does anyone else have a partner who is more like a small child???
I know what the solution is here and I am more than mentally and financially prepared to make that choice. I just don’t want to split up the family as our eldest is 8 and I know it will break her heart.
Not looking for sympathy or even for anyone to reply, just wanting to vent about how I’m feeling.
I wish I could just throw in the towel and leave my life behind.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyclanchaos · 30/09/2025 08:31

ApricotCheesecake · 30/09/2025 04:33

I hope you are ok @babyclanchaos. It's good the police are taking it seriously. Hopefully you are enjoying the peace without him around.

I’m not ok but I will be. I think what hurts the most is that not only has the man I love attacked me out of anger but also the fact that I won’t be having any more children with him, we planned our whole lives together and now that has come to an end.

He actually said to me last week ‘if I were to beat you, you would stay with me because I’m your first baby dad’ I said no I wouldn’t stay with you? He said ‘yes you would women always do’

it goes without saying though I’m not putting myself in that position ever again and I’m not going to put my kids at risk either. I don’t want to be a single mum but what I don’t want even more is to spend my life with a nasty man. X

OP posts:
Original poster
babyclanchaos · 30/09/2025 08:34

OhamIreally · 30/09/2025 07:10

I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s good that it’s your house however. You can get rid of his clutter and start to build a life for you and your children.

I know you didn’t want to be a single parent- no one does, but your partner created an extraordinary amount of work for you so you may actually find it easier than being with him.

I agree. I have changed the password to our doorbell camera app so he can’t access it seeing me go in and out of the property etc. he actually tried to reset the password last night but obviously I got an email notification !

Im going to spend the next couple of weeks gathering things together and condensing items. He has to arrange with the police when he is allowed to come to the property and collect more of his things

Im getting the house valued next week and hopefully will get it on the market shortly after. If im going to be a single parent then im going to live near my parents, they are so wonderful and supportive they would and have dropped everything in the past for me and the kids. I didnt want to live in the area we moved to but i only did it because it was more convenient for him for work and studying etc so im not going to stay there alone away from my support system x

OP posts:
AnonSugar · 30/09/2025 08:40

Get rid of him and then get a roll of bin bags are start chucking things away.

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researchers3 · 30/09/2025 08:48

babyclanchaos · 22/09/2025 22:20

I agree. I have said to him I can’t keep doing this especially waking up in the night 5 times a week to prepare you food and he at first said ‘it’s fine I’ll eat before work so I’ll be ok until the next morning’ and then when I proceeded to not wake up and make him food after his shift he got mardy with me! I literally cannot do right for wrong.

He always comments on other women’s bodies, is a serial woman hater/narcissist, is all for polygamy!!!! Etc. all massive red flags and all in all a complete horrendous person to be with. But yet here I am 3 kids later, because I’m a fool who thought that the children having a stable home is the most important thing. I told him months ago that I don’t think we should be together as it’s just endless cycles of toxicity (from him) and he called me selfish for wanting to break up the family. I also don’t want to be a single parent. I imagine he would make it a nightmare for me, although saying that he probably wouldn’t have the time to make it a nightmare with hi studying and working too.

Just now he has left for work and he said to me ‘what if I were out here this whole time being with other girls? All I’ve ever done is love you and admire you and I’ve turned down girls in the past for you and got nothing in return’ !!! My jaw was not on the floor surprisingly as I hear these comments often. I said well you wouldn’t be living in my house. He said but you wouldn’t even know’ I was like ok ? What is your goal here?? I’m so numb to these comments and questions I don’t even cry or get upset when we argue anymore, I actually couldn’t care less. Then he gets mad and says see you don’t even care you’re showing no emotion etc. can you blame me for not caring? I’m actually emotionally numb to every single thing you say and do that’s why it doesn’t affect me anymore!!

earlier he got mad because he couldn’t find his Stanley knife. I said why would I know where it is. He said you obviously have moved it. I said why on earth would I move your Stanley knife. I don’t ever use one or ever need to use one. He got the face on of course. Absolutely no accountability and I am desperately waiting for the day he decides to leave as it will save me the job. It’s sad when you think about it, because I truly wanted to marry this man.

Sorry for the long rant, I can’t really talk to anyone else about this x

Show quote history

The very obvious answer to all your issues is to chuck him out. Simple.

You are SO lucky you're not married and the house is in your name!

One less child to look after!

You can claim UC until your kids are a little older and tgen get back to work.

He's already making your life an utter misery so nothing to fear there.

Original poster
babyclanchaos · 30/09/2025 18:22

researchers3 · 30/09/2025 08:48

The very obvious answer to all your issues is to chuck him out. Simple.

You are SO lucky you're not married and the house is in your name!

One less child to look after!

You can claim UC until your kids are a little older and tgen get back to work.

He's already making your life an utter misery so nothing to fear there.

Show quote history

Not sure if you’ve seen the recent posts but he grabbed me by the throat on Sunday morning so has been arrested and is being charged with intentional strangling which he has confessed to.
So we obviously aren’t together anymore and definitely won’t be getting back together.
I’ve just applied for universal credit but it’s a 4/5 week wait for that

OP posts:
researchers3 · 30/09/2025 18:25

babyclanchaos · 30/09/2025 18:22

Not sure if you’ve seen the recent posts but he grabbed me by the throat on Sunday morning so has been arrested and is being charged with intentional strangling which he has confessed to.
So we obviously aren’t together anymore and definitely won’t be getting back together.
I’ve just applied for universal credit but it’s a 4/5 week wait for that

Show quote history

Gosh, no i hadn't. Very sorry to hear this. Glad he's gone and hope you're getting support.

Sunshineclouds11 · 30/09/2025 20:37

Sending you lots of love 💕

Original poster
babyclanchaos · 01/10/2025 08:30

researchers3 · 30/09/2025 18:25

Gosh, no i hadn't. Very sorry to hear this. Glad he's gone and hope you're getting support.

Show quote history

Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
babyclanchaos · 01/10/2025 08:31

Sunshineclouds11 · 30/09/2025 20:37

Sending you lots of love 💕

Thank you xx

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