Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Introducing fact that uncle is gay to 7 year old dd

59 replies

bayleaf · 02/06/2008 20:31

Was intending to leave this till it occured 'naturally' - but is being forced slightly by fact that my brother is having a CP in 2 weeks' time and altho' it is a mini, no guests affair ( he has been with dp for about 15 years) he is coming down to where we live with DP subsequently for the day to take us and dad out to lunch...
Some background info;-
My brother ( DB???) has been 'out' since he was 18 and I was 20 - we get on incredibly well and always have done and him being gay is absolutely not an issue at all and never has been - also has v good relations with dad ( mum dead). Db comes down ( he lives 100 miles away in Manchester) regularly to visit and our 2 dds ( 2 and 7) dote on him, however his partner never comes with him, not because he wouldn't be welcome, I guess it would just be a bit tedious for him in a way that visiting in-laws often is - but in 'straight' situations there are 'protocols' and you can't often get out of visiting without it looking odd...

So DD loves her uncle dearly - has noted that he is not married but does not make a big deal of it ( she is an 'innocent 7 year old, not at all worldly). We have the Babette Cole book 'Mummy never told me' which has same sex partners embracing and I've briefly described gay relationships and she was accepting ( overheard her subsequently telling a 4 year old boy who was saying that 2 boy teddy bears couldn't kiss that they could 'cos sometimes boys can fall in love with each other')
In one way I'd rather wait till she is just slightly older to bring it up ( I like the idea of children as children and slightly resent any 'teenagification' of her - I accept the minimum amount of pop/trendy clothes so that she is not left out - but certainly don't encourage her to be older than she is.) But at the same time I don't have any 'problem' with telling her that her uncle is gay - except in so far as it gets us into sexual territory earlier than I'd prefer.
I think my question is really, should we be upfront and explain who db's partner really is and explain about the CP - OR just let db arrive with his partner, not specifically mention the CP - and see if she picks up on the 'special friendship' ( they're not touchy feely in public - and not at all ''obviously gay' - and if she does, play it by ear....???
I know that db will be happy to play it however we feel best.
Any thoughts or experiences anyone???

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TheFallenMadonna · 03/06/2008 18:40

We have a really awkward situation in that FIL must not be told that BIL is gay

Have no idea how to deal with things if(when) BIL has a steady partner. Of course we would want him to be involved in things, as BIL's partner. And keeping things separate from PIL wouldn't be too much of a problem really. But children talk of course. And I'm not prepared to lie to them. Or ask them to lie

And I'm just afraid we won't get to see much of BIL.

It's a crappy situation and makes me very angry. And sad.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 03/06/2008 19:03

TFM - how sad -why must he not be told????
This is going to corp up a lot now with CPs - in the PHSE video we saw last week that DS2 (8 - year 3 ) will see this term there is a gay female couple and they make no big deal of it, they just say there are many different types of loving relationships.

CapricaSix · 04/06/2008 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Sugarmagnolia · 05/06/2008 12:30

So on a similar thread how would you explain to your young children that their grandfather is gay but is still married to and loves their grandma because when he was younger he didn't think he was allowed to marry boys but now he's been with grandma for 40 years and they are happy together and don't really want to change things except sometimes grandpa likes to hang out at gay bars with his gay friends in a totally non-sexual way. Now don't tell me that's a simple one!!!

(this is not a joke by the way, just my life. )

CapricaSix · 05/06/2008 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sugarmagnolia · 05/06/2008 16:15

No well exactly - that's why we've never tried to explain it to the kids. If they weren't still married and grandad had another partner of course we would tell them but I think this would just be too confusing for them to get their heads round. Maybe when they're older.

morningpaper · 05/06/2008 16:22

Have skimmed thread and don't understand how it hasn't come up before! How can she not have met him / been to their house / seen photos of them together?!

ANYWAY agree with all the other posters. But it might be worth saying the next time that gay-ness comes up (which it does occasionally, surely?) "Well that is like Uncle X, who lives in with X because they love each other. More beans dear?"

seeker · 05/06/2008 16:37

Giving children knowledge doesn't "make them grow up too quickly"

There is a world of difference between innocence and ignorance - and (this is to whoever said about a child asking what sex is) I would be amazed if the average 7 year old hasn't heard quite a lot about it in the playground. My ds has - and I would much rather he had proper facts from me rather than speculation and incorrect information from his little friends.

To the OP, I would just say "Oh, you know we're celebrating Uncle Ian and Fred's wedding this weeknd? What would you like to give them as a present?" then answer any questions that come up.

SummatAndNowt · 05/06/2008 17:41

It's just matter of fact. ds is 4 and when he made some comment about families, assuming all were nuclear like ours, I just told him about the different kinds of families out there.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page