12year old boy refuses to read

[Croissandelune]

Hi, DS refuses to read. He can read but has decided that it's boring and doesn't want to do it. The problem I'm hitting is homework. He was given a chapter to read last week and he did not want to. I'm trying to talk to him but the response is I'm not doing it. Is this a matter of make consequences clear and follow them through (because it's homework) or is this going to make the non-reading situation worse (although it's difficult to see how it could get worse as reading time is currently zero)?
Please don't tell me to try all the positive encouragement tips (let him choose what to read, read with him, graphic novels etc). These require a modicum of cooperation/willingness that my son does not have.
(And if you're only going to say that I should have control over my child or similar comments, you know where to go)
Thanks!

This is a tough one - reading is super important for children and adults. Have you set specific times for reading? Have you turned off phones and the TV? Do you have a safe space for reading? Can you get others to show him that reading is fun, like friends or teachers? I don’t think it’s possible to allow him not to read - it’s so important

Audiobooks?

How do you know he can read (easily, fluently, comfortably)?
Children can have reading or vision disorders that they don’t think of mentioning which make reading annoying or difficult so they don’t want to do it

Absolutely agree but you can't force reading in boys in notoriously low mine has barely read throughout secondary school whilst I still read every day.
If I think of male family members none of them read though my husband does our house is full of books.
I buy non fiction about topics he might like .......no interest

Don’t go down the audiobooks line. Mine was a keen reader and then found that audiobooks were much easier. He doesn’t bother reading now and his reading ability spelling and grammar has suffered as it is important to see it.
The hunger games books seem to have captured his imagination better than other books.

Honestly sometimes they just don't want to read no matter what you do or how much effort you put into getting them to read.

I'm going to presume you've tried the most obvious suggestions.

In terms of homework I would say that consequences for not doing it will be the same as any other homework he doesn't do and I'm guessing the school will also have it's only consequences? Yes it won't encourage him to read but he's not going to read anyway so I would be clear that the home work is a non negotiable and he doesn't get to just opt out because he doesn't like reading.

As I say to students all the time, we all dislike things we're not good at. Are you sure he can read fluently and age-appropriately?

I would contact his teacher and get them to have a word. If he isn't doing his homework, he should be sanctioned. Being reluctant to read is going to hold him back massively in school.

Op I hear you.
JKR is about the only person who could make me read. And I read the stuff on here.

So i guess reading doesn't need to be novels reading can be anything from football cards to books.

What is he into?
Can you find books or magazines related to it?

Both of mine preferred non fiction and still do as adults. To encourage reading we bought them a magazine subscription each, relating to their hobbies. It was a big success 🙂

There are two different issues here. First, is your son a competent reader, with good comprehension of what he reads? I don’t believe he never reads anything - it would be impossible for him to function in school or society in general. In the future he would never be able to pass a driving test. Do you just mean reading fiction? What about hobby magazines? Websites? Chat-rooms? Messaging? How did he do at primary school? If he actually struggles with reading and comprehension you need to raise the issue with his school. Maybe he needs extra help.

The second issue is homework. Just refusing to even try to do it should not be an option, and he shouldn’t get treats / screen time / access to wifi / pocket money etc. if at the age of 12 he refuses (assuming there’s no good reason) to do what school have asked him to do. You might need to lay down the law and do the homework with him for a while, but he needs to know it’s not optional, before he gets set in self-destructive ways.

https://www.thetimes.com/article/dde8e228-e320-4c23-97ce-ee5e4d4d2faa?shareToken=9a16218397d415f648ecbc993012dffa
The comments here are as helpful as the article. We have a no tech in bedrooms rule which helps because there's nothing else to do before going to sleep. We also get The Week junior magazine. I think a magazine linked to his interests might help.

He needs to read for homework.
He needs to know how to read information and understand it.
He doesn't need to read books/comics/graphic novels for pleasure if he doesn't want too.
Have you told him that?

I didn’t read (for pleasure) in high school, I’m sure there’s a lot of children who don’t. I wouldn’t push that.

He does need to do his homework though. If he’s not doing it will he face consequences at school (detention etc)? This may be enough to encourage him.

My 12 year old dd is the same, OP. It’s been an issue since she was about 8 years old but has got worse over the last 2 years. Like you we have tried all sorts of different ways to tackle this and nothing works, and any time I mention books she immediately gets ratty with me and shuts down. She will read for homework however, but only because she doesn’t want to get a detention. When she does “have to” read, she’s a fluent reader in the sense that she can read all the words, and uses expression, however, she doesn’t pay any attention to what she’s reading, she just goes through the motion of reading the words but doesn’t concentrate on the content. So when I ask her questions about it or she has to answer questions for homework she has no idea what the answer is. Even basic questions she’s can’t answer and just says a random answer that pops into her head. I was worried for a while and thought she had an issue with processing information, but her teacher showed me a reading test paper she’d done at school and she had answered the majority of questions correctly so she can do it, she just doesn't want to do it. It boils down to the fact she just doesn’t like books or reading, and in hindsight she’s been like that since a toddler when I used to read her a bedtime story and she’d say “enough”, take the book off me and put it away, or try to get up and walk away.

Anyway, I have no solutions to your issue, but just wanted to say that I understand the frustration OP, and hopefully someone on here will suggest something that will help.

I hear you OP. My 12 year old is the same - I read to him for years, I read a lot myself so reading is something he sees adults doing, I’ve tried all the tips others have suggested like turning off screens, different types of books etc. Like you say, all of this needs at least some cooperation! DS will happily do homework in any subject and his reading age is well above his actual age, but he’s just not a reader. I hope he’ll come back to it when he’s older. I think reading is incredibly important but my DS doesn’t agree.

At that age a lot of teen boys can't see the point.

A few get back into it in their late teens, but most just stop reading for pleasure. That continues for men. Women are the vast majority of adult readers these days.

If it were me I would try a few things, graphic novels, different genres, linking to other things they like. Etc.

But if nothing is working, I would just make sure they have done what they need for school, and leave it there.

Has anyone suggested Diary of a Wimpy Kid books?
You could read them to him then he will want to find out what else happens. My middle son used to hate reading, even now he is not the most enthusiastic, but these books got him wanting to read.
I would read two chapters before bed every night and then he started asking for the book to read himself.

Also how much do the adult men in his life read? Is he seeing his dad, grandpa uncle's etc. read?

Someone modelling that reading is fun?

Are you sure he doesn't have any specific barriers to reading, I am thinking dyslexia or even just needing glasses. Dd was a similar age, could read although her spelling was always dodgy, passed her SATs at primary so not excelling. there were a few other flags for me so I asked if school were able to do a screener test which suggested she was very likely to be dyslexic (this isn't a full diagnosis but was enough to access some support from school). She also needed a reading prescription for glasses and now uses a coloured overlay.

If you are sure but also even if there are some other barriers it is still really tricky, teens but especially boys are notoriously disinterested in reading.
You can try subtitles on TV, but kids don't watch telly. Short form reading, so magazines, sports reporting, poetry. Bribery and punishment?

Two DC here, who rarely read fiction. Both on spectrum. One reads Non-fiction for pleasure, other seldom reads but reading age was 17 when they were 11.
I have accepted it, especially with Sparx English as that gave them no choice in what they read in any case - the algorithm gave them books to pick from (which is not conducive to reading for pleasure).
So...reading a chapter of something for homework. I'll be honest, if it was A Christmas Carol or something like that (the only thing on Sparx English we did do, tbf, as they chunk it with quizzes) I'd either ask them to read it to me on the way to Maccy's for a hot choc and back again or I'd make them have it by reading it to them asking for definitions every so often...completely depends whether it is the content they need long term or the skill of skimming and scanning for language paper.

Get his eyes tested first.

Turn the sound off on the TV and put subtitles on, do this on Netflix too if you have it.

If he has a TV or computer in his room take them out.

I had the same issue with my dd. I love reading and always have done and we have always encouraged reading. However, when set reading homework from school, she was less than keen so I used to take her to the local library and bookshops to choose something herself. Now she is older she will often pick up a book if it is something she is interested in. she is on target with her GCSE English grades, although I do think the literature one could be higher if she was a natural reader.

Thanks for all these replies!

Asking whether DS can actually read is a GOOD question! I panicked for a second. But no. They do reading comprehension tests in class and he does OK, middle of the pack. I'm sure he could do better if he read independently but he's OK, he understands what he reads. On holiday we did crosswords as a family and he read the definitions out loud for us all. He was fine.

Thank you to those who have faced/face the same and nothing has worked. It's comforting to know that we're not on our own.

To answer a question, we both read and my husband probably the most. So the child has a male role model.

I don't know what I'll do yet but I agree that the homework is non negotiable! I will lay down the law.

Thanks everyone!

I know its going to sound simplistic, but why is he being allowed a say in this?

He is a child. You cant 'make' him read thats true, but you fully control every other aspect of his home life. If the choice is read, or spend the evening sitting in your room with no phone, tv or devices just looking at the walls, it won't take long before he does as he's told. A few experiences of that will likely resign him the fact you just have to do the reading your set. Kids arent complicated.

My oldest went through a stage of this, we made her read for 30 mins any book she wanted every night. She fought back against it for less than a week, and once it became clear we wouldnt budge, she just got on with it. Once she did, she realised there were actually books she enjoyed, and she went on to do English Lit at A Level. 🤷‍♂️

You cant make him like reading, but if he doesnt have a choice, he will get on with it and might even find something he likes.

@Croissandelune if you are sure there is no barrier to reading and it’s purely he does not want to then I think you let the consequences play out.

Stay calm, you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink. Ask him what he thinks will happen when he doesn’t do his reading homework? Could it be he won’t know the text so won’t be able to do the class work that will follow on. Get a low mark on comprehension. See his mates get higher marks. How will that make him feel? Maybe the teacher will give him a detention for not reading the chapter. How boring is that? Let him play out in his mind the consequences of his (non) action.

Not everyone reads for pleasure and that’s fine so long as he can read.