12year old boy refuses to read

[Croissandelune]

Hi, DS refuses to read. He can read but has decided that it's boring and doesn't want to do it. The problem I'm hitting is homework. He was given a chapter to read last week and he did not want to. I'm trying to talk to him but the response is I'm not doing it. Is this a matter of make consequences clear and follow them through (because it's homework) or is this going to make the non-reading situation worse (although it's difficult to see how it could get worse as reading time is currently zero)?
Please don't tell me to try all the positive encouragement tips (let him choose what to read, read with him, graphic novels etc). These require a modicum of cooperation/willingness that my son does not have.
(And if you're only going to say that I should have control over my child or similar comments, you know where to go)
Thanks!

@GlowWorm13 I'm more than capable of doing that, even with Biff n Chip books, get to the end with no ability to answer the questions without going back to look.

While I'm not a reader my mum and sister both are.
Dad was a non-fiction reader, serious magazines, tabloids for work days, broadsheet for Sunday!

Does he have a phone or games console? Absolutely no screen time or devices until he has done his homework- which includes reading. Such an obvious solution?

Glad you think so. Phones and consoles weren't so much a thing in the early 90s.
If someone doesn't want to read its hard to make them. Even harder to get them to pay attention to what they have read

Have to disagree. Its really easy. No distractions and no other options until reading is done. No matter how long it takes.

Yes they always start off not really reading and just going through the motions, but once you question them about the content, catch them out and then reset the clock on their reading time, its fixes it really fast.

Also 'pretending' to read is a lot more boring than actually reading. It doesnt take kids long to work that out and then just get on with it.

My son is dyslexic. He can read, in that reading comprehension for school etc is done.

I wouldn't be so quick to assume he's not dyslexic, just because he can read things out. Some children go years before being diagnosed because they mask so well.

However, DS doesn't get the full enjoyment out of any 'reading for pleasure' book, as his dyslexia means he's concentrating so much on the actual effort of reading, that he's forgotten the start of the sentence or simply loses any flow.

He loves a bedtime read, so I read to him at night before he sleeps. That way he gets to enjoy the story, gets exposure to the themes and vocabulary, and I get precious time with my teen.

Honestly this just sounds like a way to make a child who doesn't enjoy reading hate it even more. I'm a reader and find it hard to comprehend when others dislike reading but at the end of the day reading isn't more worthy than other hobbies and forcing someone to do it is much more likely to result in a stubborn child refusing to do any reading even if he sees something that might have once interested him just to make a point.

Homework reading is as the OP concludes a non negotiable but reading shouldn't be something you force someone to do in their leisure time.

Not my experience at all. All my kids didn't get a choice but to read for a fixed period every night. They all ended up liking it.

Also I'd disagree, reading is far more valuable than other activities, we arent making our kids read to give them a hobby, its to help with their education. Plenty of time for any other hobbies they would like to do once they have done their reading for the night.

And even if what you say is true, a child who refuses to read and therefore doesnt do their homework is going to grow up in a much worse position than a child whose parents made them and as a result they just dont really like reading. 🤷‍♂️

My kids dont read for pleasure, they wouldn't get a choice about homework though.

I tried again last night to encourage my dd14 and ask her if there's any kind of book I could get her and what subject that she'd be interested in and she just shrugged and said she didnt know.

I've tried all sorts like books to do with her hobby that she's passionate about, Hunger Games type books, she never finishes a book and just says they are boring.

The only ones that she used to ever enjoy reading were Diary of A Wimpey Kid and Tom Gates. I dont know if there are more adult books a bit like that.
I think she doesn't like big blocks of writing like normal novels are.
I'm trying to see if she will read comics.

I've always been a bookworm so I've really tried but I think being too strict and forcing it will just make her hate reading more.

Thats exactly where we were with ours. Said she didn't like reading and found books boring. It turned out it was becuase she wasn't engaging with them becuase they weren't a 'quick hit' like a tv show or a game.

Making her do 30 mins a night, non-negotioable was what made her actually commit to reading a full book properly. She hated it for the first week or two, then when she realised she had to do it, but could choose literally any book she wanted (I said I'd buy any she wanted me to) she realised that actually, books can be interesting in different ways.

Expect a battle to start with but it'll pay off. Like I said earlier, our eldest in particular ended up loving reading so much she took English Lit A level and when we too kher to start uni, the car was half full of books. This from a girl who couldn't even finish a graphic novel when she was 11-12.

@Croissandelune seriously I would just focus on the homework part.
If he needs to read a chapter maybe you or his dad read it to him.
But don't force reading for pleasure onto him if he isn't interested.
Some people just don't enjoy it and that's fine.

Have you tried her with a kindle (or the kindle app) you can change the line spacing and font so it doesn't look like a block of text.

If he can definitely read adequately, and it's a
big if, then it may just be that the homework reading is on a boring subject.

Would he read about gaming, football, movies, fantasy/horror stories? Can you get him to the library to find books about his hobbies or interests?

Or would he more likely read online or a magazine? Or a kindle?

Is there any suspected ADHD etc?

I see it as 2 things- reading for enjoyment and reading for homework and separating the 2. Often as parents I think we think it’s the same thing.
i would present the homework reading to him as just that, something that needs to be done, just like chemistry homework or a page of sums. Doesn’t have to enjoy it, has to do it and it’s done.

I'm howling at making someone commit to a book, I've owned the Hobbit for 30 years, ive tried to read it many many times I cannot get to the end of it.

JKR Harry Potter seem to be able to pull you in and make you want to keep reading. Very few authors seem to be able to do that.

As a child Enid Blyton managed it but her books seem very dated for today's generation

I could never understand why DC2 didn't read, because everyone else in the family enjoyed reading and DC2 loved being read to when younger.

A few months after doing their A-Levels, DC2 mentioned to me that they struggled to read the word 'pebbles' because it had Ps and Bs in it and they were difficult to tell apart. GAHHHHH!!!! It was only then that I realised that DC2 was dyslexic. Neither the primary nor the secondary school had ever raised it as a potential issue. Apparently dyslexic children who are also bright frequently go unnoticed and they can pass any screeners that schools can run. Anyway, now DC2 is at uni, gets extra time in exams and has a few strategies in place.

Reading is a skill, you only get it through
repeated practice.

You wouldn't tell someone learning the piano to only do it when they felt like it, or if you did, you'd never expect them to be any good.

Making kids commit to a book is easy, you literally just sit them down and make them. No distractions and can't do anything else until they have done the requisite amount of time. It really is that simple.

If someone could make you do that with The Hobbit, you'd have it finished in a week.

Parental controls on DSs devices means that his phone and Xbox go off at 8. He is in his bedroom by 9 with lights off at 10ish, so his options are an earlier night, or read (or colouring/drawing/writing). He used to be an absolutely voracious reader but I do notice the rate at which he gets through books has slowed down, he’s almost 14. But I do think going up to bed an hour or before lights off with no screens will encourage reading.

Are you sure he doesn't have any specific barriers to reading, I am thinking dyslexia or even just needing glasses.

Yea - according to schools DD1 was fine just a poor speller - finally got near a diagonsis she dyslexic and reading was harder for her.

Audio books were useful for us - but also word and kindle can be made to read the text these days and that helped.

Some of the books chosen by schools are a hard read - we did find unabridged audio books helped so summaries and text books analysing the books.

But I agree home work not up for debate it gets done. Mine all went through periods of being non-readers and they all got to reading for pleasure with things like audio book, comics, graphic novels and easier reads and lots of choice- just took a lot of perseverance.

@ColonelDax nope !
That's not how reading for pleasure works 😂
I too have tried with The Hobbit.
Just couldn't get into it.
I struggle with a lot of fantasy novels (and sci-fi) because I find it hard to visualise the scenes.
I could commit to reading it. I could sit and read every word. But I wouldn't enjoy it because I wouldn't have a clue what's going on because I would simply find it boring.

Reading for homework purposes is non-negotiable, leave everything else - and I say that as a fully paid up bibliophile

Did you read to and with him as a child? Then encourage him to read, choose his own books and have time without devices dedicated to reading? I think if you want a child to be a reader it starts pre school and continues at every age. it doesn’t happen these days without persistence.

DD 17 reads constantly but it’s no surprise because I read to her from birth, taught her to read pre school, we read together multiple times a day as a child and I read to her at bedtime and then as soon as she was old enough I made a big deal of her choosing her own books. We had no limit on buying books. Even now she spends more at Waterstones than Sephora. I guess what I’m trying to say is having your child love reading takes time, effort, modelling and persistence these days because there are so many things competing for their attention (phones, gaming, tv etc). I think once a love of reading or hate for reading is set it’s very hard to unpick.

But this is schoolwork and therefore essential. I would remove all devices until the work is done, simple as that. You need to be very clear and persistent now that this reading is not optional. Otherwise how will he manage with gcse English? How will he read those set texts and understand them? What about History? There’s a lot of reading involved in school work federally and more so in gcse years. I would nip this in the bud now and create healthy homework rules that involve no device use until the work is done, and checked by you that it’s been done properly etc. He’s 12 and you can I still rules and boundaries now because by 14, 15 if you let this go, it will be impossible.

Who said anything about reading for pleasure? OP is trying to make her son read full stop. My point is that its not hard.

But if you never choose to read, you'll never realise that reading can be enjoyable, therefore if you make your kids read, at least they have the chance to maybe like it. If you let them choose other things, they never will. 🤷‍♂️

@ColonelDax apologies. I miss- interpreted what you were saying.
However I did say upthread that the homework reading is the priority.
Yet people are still suggesting books for him. Books he simply doesn't want.

@ColonelDax unfortunately English school work is it is far to focused on literature.
Sometimes I think instead of reading a chapter of a novel and then having to analyse why character A did what they did to Character B there should be more focus on reading information (ie an instruction booklet).
People don't need to know how to read The Hobbit, but they need to know and understand legal documents etc.
That's the reading schools should focus on.

@Needmorelego you and I think alike.

I don't mind reading for information, and spend a crazy amount of time faffing on here. But I really struggle to get into books

I wasn't joking about being able to read Biff and Chip but being switched off from it, and have to go back and look for the answers to the questions.

All through school that was my tactic read the questions then look for the answers.

Yes someone could possibly force me to get to the end of the Hobbit but there is zero point in reading if your switched off from it.