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Lighthearted! Things kids say

42 replies

dontcomeatme · 18/09/2025 15:26

Okay I am dreading my 2yo DS starting nursery. He just had a whopper of a poo, really struggled bless him, he had a sweat on and everything. I cuddled him and helped him get it out, and then he said "hurt bum", so I said "aww baby did that hurt, mammy put cream on for you it will be okay". And now he keeps repeating over and over again "mammy hurt my bum" 🤦🏻‍♀️ he's gonna get me in bother this boy!
What funny things have your DC said? I love the silly things they come out with.

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Lovelynames123 · 18/09/2025 21:01

One of mine also loudly asked, in a public loo, mummy, why are you putting a rocket up your dooley?

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dontcomeatme · 18/09/2025 21:35

@Lovelynames123 left her alone in the womb 😅 this is classic sister banter I love it

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LovesToWalk · 18/09/2025 21:35

When my now 15yo was in preschool his teacher appeared at the door grinning wickedly, before proceeding to tell me how they were talking about chickens etc and different types of eggs and when asked about what different kids of eggs they liked, my cherub of a boy put his hand up and said ‘boobie eggs’

I had to explain my mum - their retired teacher gran - used to call poached eggs made in a poaching eggs ‘boobie eggs’ 🤦‍♀️🤣 that was one of many times a teacher appeared at the door with a grin.

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dontcomeatme · 18/09/2025 21:36

@LovesToWalk I think they embarrass us on purpose 🤣 eee you've got to love em!!

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dontcomeatme · 18/09/2025 21:37

@Twimbledonia bet he walked out of there like a proud peacock strutting his stuff 😅😅

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Esthery · 18/09/2025 21:41

My toddler thinks she needs to parent me too. Recent examples.

"Well DONE Mummy. Good toilet wee. Wipe wee?"
"Mummy share orange? Good sharing, Mummy. Its kind to share."

And apparent to her room leader yesterday. "Sit down! Hold hand!"

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dontcomeatme · 18/09/2025 21:48

@Esthery this is actually adorable 🥰 she sounds like a sweetie! My 2yo has started trying to do this with his brother, who is only 5 months, and he gets super frustrated when he doesn't do as he's told it's so cute.

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Whereismyfleeceblanket · 19/09/2025 14:07

When my older dd took her younger siblings out she needed the loo. Finding a public toilet she had to take her 2 dsis's in with her.
Having a poo and getting loo roll dd2 told her firmly to leave some tissue for other people!!
Once bought a hat in the Boxing Day sales.. Ds told me I looked like a lovely sheep..
I never did wear the hat...

HashtagSadTimes · 10/10/2025 19:34

When my friend was pregnant with her second, a few days before her C/S they told their DD that the doctors would cut a hole in Mummy’s tummy the baby out.

Two months later at the christening party the toddler decided to boom at her “Mammy, show me your hole, I want to see your hole”. My poor friend was practically having an out of body experience it was so bad, when she said “the hole the doctors took Mark out from”.

Original poster
dontcomeatme · 10/10/2025 19:39

HashtagSadTimes · 10/10/2025 19:34

When my friend was pregnant with her second, a few days before her C/S they told their DD that the doctors would cut a hole in Mummy’s tummy the baby out.

Two months later at the christening party the toddler decided to boom at her “Mammy, show me your hole, I want to see your hole”. My poor friend was practically having an out of body experience it was so bad, when she said “the hole the doctors took Mark out from”.

@HashtagSadTimes this is amazing 🤣 why do kids choose the worst possible moments to say these things haha!

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HashtagSadTimes · 10/10/2025 19:41

Twimbledonia · 18/09/2025 20:56

Loving these!
So many but for me funniest was at the swimming pool when DH took DS2 into the changing cubicle after swimming and the piercing little voice was heard (because it is always so piercing) ‘Daddy, your willy is so big!’
Cue everyone looking at DH when they emerged😀😀😀

This reminds me of DD2 aged 3, bragging to her friend:
DD2: My big sister is at school- you don’t have a big sister, do you?
Friend: No, but I’ve got my Daddy, and my Dad is really big.
DD2: Well my Daddy… is enormous.

Me and my friend were in stitches laughing.

idontknow54789 · 10/10/2025 20:23

My DHa favourite was definitely in the changing room after swimming when my then three year old yelled out ‘Daddy, why is your penis so ginormous?!’ (For disclosure, it’s pretty average Grin)

TinyTeachr · 11/10/2025 08:51

I do think all little boys are fascinated by daddy's penis. Which is hilarious! In a crowded shop DS was once asked which one was his daddy and he said "the one with the big penis".... (we had just been swimming and sharing a changing room). Teenagers shop assistant thought this was absolutely hilarious.

Same son a week or so later. They were talking at preschool about what they might do when they grow up. DS said he was going to be a man, so he'd have a big penis and be allowed to wee standing up.

I really need to remind him of these things when he's a teenager. Or at his wedding.

Did once have a call from Preschool. Eldest had told her keyworker that daddy beats her every night.... (We used to get her upstairs for bed by "racing". Daddy would win so he could grab the pj's, I'd lose, DD in the middle in case she s lipped on the stairs).

Original poster
dontcomeatme · 11/10/2025 12:53

TinyTeachr · 11/10/2025 08:51

I do think all little boys are fascinated by daddy's penis. Which is hilarious! In a crowded shop DS was once asked which one was his daddy and he said "the one with the big penis".... (we had just been swimming and sharing a changing room). Teenagers shop assistant thought this was absolutely hilarious.

Same son a week or so later. They were talking at preschool about what they might do when they grow up. DS said he was going to be a man, so he'd have a big penis and be allowed to wee standing up.

I really need to remind him of these things when he's a teenager. Or at his wedding.

Did once have a call from Preschool. Eldest had told her keyworker that daddy beats her every night.... (We used to get her upstairs for bed by "racing". Daddy would win so he could grab the pj's, I'd lose, DD in the middle in case she s lipped on the stairs).

They really are aren't they! My 2.5yo DS loves that he's the only one who has a penis 😅 me and my DW are both female so he thinks it's great haha. They're so funny x

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Newsenmum · 11/10/2025 12:57

Still toilet training well helping him wipe
his bum. Trying to get him to pull rhe paper off properly and get a “big sheet” as he was just shredding it.

So in th costa toilets he wasnt just telling everyone that he poos 🙈 but about how he got the “big shit!”. Then “I can get big shit now!” Soooo loud.

Newsenmum · 11/10/2025 12:58

TinyTeachr · 11/10/2025 08:51

I do think all little boys are fascinated by daddy's penis. Which is hilarious! In a crowded shop DS was once asked which one was his daddy and he said "the one with the big penis".... (we had just been swimming and sharing a changing room). Teenagers shop assistant thought this was absolutely hilarious.

Same son a week or so later. They were talking at preschool about what they might do when they grow up. DS said he was going to be a man, so he'd have a big penis and be allowed to wee standing up.

I really need to remind him of these things when he's a teenager. Or at his wedding.

Did once have a call from Preschool. Eldest had told her keyworker that daddy beats her every night.... (We used to get her upstairs for bed by "racing". Daddy would win so he could grab the pj's, I'd lose, DD in the middle in case she s lipped on the stairs).

omg these are hysterical

Original poster
dontcomeatme · 11/10/2025 16:13

Newsenmum · 11/10/2025 12:57

Still toilet training well helping him wipe
his bum. Trying to get him to pull rhe paper off properly and get a “big sheet” as he was just shredding it.

So in th costa toilets he wasnt just telling everyone that he poos 🙈 but about how he got the “big shit!”. Then “I can get big shit now!” Soooo loud.

Edited

I can get big shit now 🤣 this is hilarious

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