I can’t do this anymore, someone please help.

[nosleepforthewickedx2]

I can’t do it anymore. This parenting shit is HARD. I have an 11 month gap between my DS 18m and DD 7m so I know a lot you of you will just tell me it’s my own fault but I can’t do it anymore. Neither of them sleep day or night. I am running on absolute empty and it’s torture. I’m just sitting here crying my eyes out wondering what the fuck I have done. I don’t get 2 minutes of any day to myself to even go to the toilet. I’m at breaking point.

they were both screaming because tired so went for a long walk and as soon as the buggy stops they are awake. They will not sleep at night for any longer than an hour at a time. I just want to run away and not look back.

please don’t judge me. I’m feeling lower than low as it is.

FUCK anyone who suggests it’s your fault. You’re not a failure, you’re in an impossible situation with no rest and no help. Of course you’re falling apart. Anyone would.

Talk to your husband. Tell him you’re not coping - the babies need you every moment of the day and you never get even 1 minute to rest. You cry most days, you feel like a failure. You’ve been downplaying it because you didn’t want to cause a drama or stress him out. You love your kids but you need practical help.

Then discuss some ideas that would help. You’ve had a lot of good ideas on this thread to choose from. My advice is to prioritise what helps you sleep - the sleep deprivation is what’s making everything else shit.

• Mother’s help
• Home Start
• Husband taking over bedtimes while you sleep?
• GP help for baby not sleeping - with my baby it was reflux / silent reflux. Tell them the HV was shit.
• Co sleeping is a game changer if you do it correctly.

Can you afford help? A nanny or a cleaner?

It really helped mea lot and no it's not your fault. Parenting can be so hard.

This is not sustainable. You need a sleep training boot camp for the two of them

Ah op it's so rewarding but also one of the hardest things! I found the intensity of parenting a tough adjustment after having ds and that was only one!

I think you need to have a very honest conversation with your dh and he maybe needs to look at other career options that would allow him to participate more in the day to day of family life and to give you more support.

It's great you spoke with your hv, you deserve support. Do you have any other family/in laws/ friends who you could be more open with about how hard its been?

Or any family support groups like surestart or homestart operating in your area? Would it be within budget to hire a nanny or a babysitter for a few hours a week to take pressure off? Even if they were watching the kids while you were at home initially to let you sleep?

17 months between my children and I absolutely remember how broken I was.
I’d walk the buggy from park to park looking & feeling like a zombie. My second child hated falling asleep and would wake her brother. I remember in the lift in Boots a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said ‘it gets better’ and I burst into floods of tears.
Do contact Home Start. Sure Start (back in the day) helped me.
I ended up co-sleeping - I didn’t like it but the baby did!
I also met women in the park and made a few similarly exhausted friends.
its bloody hard. Hang on in there.

You’re all being so helpful thank you so much. I didn’t even know homestart was a thing HV never mentioned it. I have printed off a referral form I have also done an E-Consult form online for the gp regarding DS sleep. Hopefully they will be more help my heads been in such a spin don’t know why hadn’t thought of some of these things. My husband would definitely take over but getting up at 4am to drive a lorry all day long makes me worry he will struggle with the tiredness more and would be dangerous for him. I am going to talk to him this evening about how I am feeling though

I'd put mine in the double pushchair in front of the tv until they fell asleep. The louder the tv the better. Do what you need to do.

Mine are 18 and 19 now.

19 yr old came home from the pub at 12.30am on Sunday morning. 18 yr old came in at 3am from a nightclub. 19 yr old got up for work at 5am. So all these years later they're still waking me up 3 times a night 😀

Hope you’re okay today OP.

Blimey OP, that sounds hard. Is it mad to ask whereabouts in the UK you live? I am wondering if any kind Mumsnetters could come and give you a few hours off. I know I would if you live in London.

You have people around you but it sounds like you won’t open up properly due to fear of being judged. I’m sure if these people knew how you felt they would stop what they are doing and help you in a heart beat. You need to tell them today. I would be asking DH to take some time off work so you can sleep. Could your mum also book a few days off too? You need a few days out of the house to really rest. Once you have had 2 nights non broken sleep you will feel 100 times better. Just tell them! What have you got to lose?

Sleep well with Hannah is doing a free workshop soon I bought her course to teach my baby Gently to get herself to sleep and be able to resettle herself it’s really worth looking into I nearly lost my mind when she was 4 months she would literally only sleep on me day and night wouldn’t sleep in the buggy or car only on top of me after being rocked to sleep I couldn’t out her down or she would wake up I was exhausted. Check out her Facebook I can’t recover enough.

Co sleeping saved me. I have a 4 yo, just turn 2yo and 4 month old. Last night the little both woke me up loads (toddler has a cold and baby growth spurt), sending loads of love. Some of the advice above is great about rocking pram (have you got a rock it device? Get one on Vinted). Playgroups with coffees often at churchs.

Morning everyone. I have the gp at 10 with DS hopefully they are a bit more helpful then my health visitor.
to reply to everyone that is saying co sleep, it’s just not practical for me to do that with two babies I don’t see a way of being able to do it safely with them both being so young.

Good point, maybe something to try when they’re a bit older. How did the GP go?

I had a similar gap. That first year with two was without doubt the hardest year of parenting. It got easier and easier after that including teen years.
I also had a DH who often drove long distances so I was desperate to avoid him losing sleep as I just imagined him dozing off.
We did find the older one slept better with an adult so when DH was not driving next day he took the older one in the spare room.
Lots of good tips on here but I agree you need to tell your partner and your mum you are not coping and ask for help. I bet your mum would help, demanding job or not. She must get days off? Could she sleep over one night to help?
If so you must let others take the night shift, wear earplugs.

So was an absolute nightmare. She was running 40 minute late so of course both babies got cranky and really kicked off and reminded me why I don’t like going out and she said exactly the same as the health visitor. Said he’s too young to assess for any underlying conditions but to keep a diary in case it comes to that in the future.
It is our 1st wedding anniversary on Sunday and my mum called my today to offer to have them all day for us so we can go out. I have never been more excited and am on the countdown. I will take this opportunity to talk to DH about how I am feeling.