I can’t do this anymore, someone please help.

[nosleepforthewickedx2]

I can’t do it anymore. This parenting shit is HARD. I have an 11 month gap between my DS 18m and DD 7m so I know a lot you of you will just tell me it’s my own fault but I can’t do it anymore. Neither of them sleep day or night. I am running on absolute empty and it’s torture. I’m just sitting here crying my eyes out wondering what the fuck I have done. I don’t get 2 minutes of any day to myself to even go to the toilet. I’m at breaking point.

they were both screaming because tired so went for a long walk and as soon as the buggy stops they are awake. They will not sleep at night for any longer than an hour at a time. I just want to run away and not look back.

please don’t judge me. I’m feeling lower than low as it is.

It is very hard especially when you’re exhausted. You need a break, is there anyone who can help you? Otherwise your older one can get free hours in nursery and your younger one will be eligible soon too. I would use the hours with two so close together it must be very difficult.

I have the exact same age gap as you. This is probably the worst bit, as the baby’s naps get longer things will get easier. Do whatever you need to do to survive.

Absolutely every nursery and child minder near me are full since they started the 9month free hours with long wait lists. I just want an hour that’s all lol.

No one is going to judge you, I was broken with one baby let alone too!

When you are this tired, it is hard to think straight. So you need someone (us!) to be very practical for you.

1. do you have a partner and is your dp aware how you feel? What kind of support are you getting and what else do you need?
2. best friend - where is she? Do you have someone IRL who you can ask for help - even a neighbour or friend popping in to make you a cup of tea can make a huge difference in a long day.
3. do you have a HV and/or do they organise a mum’s group? In my experience they can be very helpful and kind and my HVs truly understand and have seen everything.
4. what about family - can you ask someone to come and stay? Can you go and stay with your mum and dad for example, let them look after you for a few days?
5. what about feeding - is weaning going ok? What about teething?

How old are yours now? DD will only contact nap and DS will only do 40 mins max and they are never at the same time no matter how hard I try. I feel so guilty as soon days we don’t even leave the house where I’m so exhausted.

I should have said, I consider it the perfect gap and as they get older things are made so much easier by their being close in age. I would definitely do it again.

The elder one is 8 now.

I think my mum would like a word with you. The 13 month age gap between my sister and I was definitely not easier for her! It wasn’t until we were late teens that we weren’t killing each other daily!

Is there anyone who could just come and look after them for an hour or 2 while they sleep/get pushed around in the buggy? Parents, friends, a trusted neighbour?

I also recommend speaking to your HV if you have no support. My son's nursery has allocated free spaces for parents who really need help so maybe there is something similar at one of your local nurseries?

Thank you. I do have a partner but he is a long distance lorry driver so not much help. He is aware of how I’m feeling to certain extent but I wouldn’t say I’ve been completely honest as don’t want to been seen as a failure. My best friends is 38 weeks pregnant so although I can’t talk to her and tell her how I’m feeling I don’t want to rely on her too much. My mum is great but works full time in a really stressful full on job so can help when she’s off. Weaning is ok but I’m having so much anxiety over choking at the moment I’m holding back a lot more then I did with DS as didn’t feel this way with him.

Not sleeping for more than 40 mins in a nap and an hour at night at 18 months is unusual. Do you have a hunch why?

I would be looking into this first (does the baby wake the toddler? Too Cold/hot? Hungry? In pain?).

Can you afford a sleep consultant? I think someone to help you look at what’s going wrong in the nighttime would make a massive difference in the day. You will become physically ill if you don’t get properly sleep and I believe this will be starting to affect your toddler too. I would no expect toddler to sleep through, but waking up hourly tells me something is not right .

some words of comfort: you’ve gotten through every tough day in your life so far, and you will get through this. Sending love ❤️

I really feel for you, the tiredness is absolute torture ( and I had a bigger gap) Rather than try to solve the whole situation right now, look after yourself today in any way you can, if that means just “giving in” Duvet on sofa, cartoons on and toast for tea then do it. Also talk to someone today irl. Whoever will be most supportive or if that’s not possible, keep talking here ( well do that anyway!)

I have no idea and have been in contact with my HV regarding this issue for the last 6 months but she just calls every now and then to see if got better then nothing else really she just said maybe he doesn’t like sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

Contact Home Start.
They are a network that can give support to situations like yours 💐

No judgement. It's impossibly hard, we are not meant to raise children in isolation. My first was also a terrible sleeper so I totally get that. At 2 1/2 he started sleeping through.

I'd go right back to basics and let everything but absolute necessities go. Do you co-sleep? I know it's controversial but I've found it a good send, they sleep longer and you can sleep too.

Even with the long wait lists, get your name down for childcare. A space may come up especially as you don't need specific days and could fill a gap.

I don't know much about long distance drivers, with his weeks on, does he get weeks at a time off? If you are at breaking point be honest, he may need to take holiday to give you a minimum of 3 nights sleep and give you a chance to get ahead - freezer meal prep, plan, etx

Thank you x

When I said ‘I consider’ I did mean to give my own opinion; I can imagine in different generations (without good disposable nappies and maternity leave, say) things haven’t been as straightforward. I don’t think there’s an age gap that stops siblings fighting though (unless it’s a really huge one of 7 years plus) and they learn a lot from resolving minor disagreements. It’s other aspects that can make a smaller age gap easier for some people.

I had 3 kids within 3.5years… madness! 😅
it does get better. What helped me cope when they were little:
. playgroup everyday! I get a cup of tea, a natter and they are playing or just observing, doing some tummy time.
. if you can afford a gym with a creche, you can get an hour kids free. Honestly i used to go to the sauna, have a good shower, maybe wash my hair and do no exercise whatsoever.
i. f you can afford a mother help, please get someone. I used to have students coming for two hours 3 times a week for the 4 to 6pm slot (dinner, bath, reading) and it was a godsend! DP would come home at 7pm and help with bedtime. Even once a week would be good. They can help with whatever you need done: if you want to do the laundry while she reads a book or make them dinner, yes! If you want to do the bath while she empty the dishwasher amd do hang the laundry: yes!
. i read something on MN at the time Which helped me: we wont get any medals by doing it all on your own: ask for help!
Also from MN: as long as they are alive and fed at the end of the day, you have done your work.
. Aim to be good-enough, no need to be a super mommy
. A slow cooker to prepare meal
. a nespresso machine: no faff and relatively good coffee super quick!

and go and see your GP, they might check if you have PND and you can also discuss your concerns about the sleeping difficulties and the rubbish HV
. as PP said Homestart will help.
. sleep when they sleep
. Yes to co-sleeping

They are both crying? sit on the floor with them and have a group hug. A big cuddle can go a loong way! A cuddle is good to defuse tantrums and upsets.

It will get better very soon, look after yourself
My eldest has adhd (never slept for more than 45 mins!) and he is doing very well in 6th form now. (Im not saying your kids have adhd, but i know how it feels to survive on little sleep as a mum)
.

Also lunch in a cafe is good and lots of soft play, bonus if you can go with another mum.

Here is a link to help you.
https://www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start

Have you checked to see if Home Start operates in your area? They were a godsend to me when my two were small. Just a volunteer mother's help who will watch the kids while you're around or can help with some tasks. They're available to any family with at least one child under 5 in thw areas in which they operate.

https://www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start

Dammit. I just spotted that someone already recommended them. Sorry!

Join David Lloyd or another gym with a crèche. Then have a nap in the cafe ;)

Mum hack:

when mine were little, id put them in their pram, close the curtains too so it was dark & rock the pram with my foot. Worked every time. Give it a go.