Made DD cry about brushing her teeth

[Iamtheteethpolice]

Feel terrible and currently crying.

DD has never been great with teeth brushing, and goes through phases of being better some times than others.

The last few weeks, she's refused so we're averaging once every 2 or 3 days which is simply no where near enough.

I suspect PDA, and feel like I've tried everything:
-10 x different flavours of fruit and mild mint toothpastes and new exciting toothbrushes
-a song she really likes to dance to as her tooth brush song
-I've told her in no uncertain terms her teeth WILL rot if she doesn't brush them, and explained all about tooth decay etc etc
-have said I'll ask her headteacher to have a word with her to reiterate what I've said about why teeth brushing is just so important
-have said she can't go to friends party at end of Sept as there will sweets there and she definitely needs to be better at brushing her teeth to go. I hate threatening but I did, repeatedly ('I will call so and sos mum now and tell her you can't go' arrghhh!!)

Tried to bring dentist appt forward from Nov till now, but they don't have anything.

When she does brush it's very light and only does a little I'd imagine to stave off tartar.

Feel terrible as twice over the last week I've pinned her down and brushed them for her. She was semi laughing until the end, so I stopped when it turned, but.. that's not good..it feels so wrong!
Afterwards, it ended up with me sitting on the floor half crying, showing her pictures of children with rotten teeth I found online. She then burst into tears and asked why I'd shown her that. And I said I didn't know how else to explain it to her.
Feel like an abject failure and terrible mum for making her cry.
She can't explain why she doesn't like it or why she doesn't do it more. She said originally about the toothpaste flavour, that's why I've bought so many. She seems to like the latest berry one.

Makes me more sad as DH is working and we've had a lovely day together. Because of the way I was, she said it was the 'worst day ever' - I know she says that very, very occasionally, but it stung more this time.

Does anyone have any help/advice/experience of this? Everything online seems to be about 2 year olds refusing to brush.

Because of the way I was, she said it was the 'worst day ever'

Meh, her life must be pretty good if that's the worst day.

I agree with this. I used to be able to pin my son down for teeth brushing, but I wouldn't try now and he's younger than 7. I could genuinely hurt him and he could probably hurt me in the process which nobody wants.

Thank you eveyone, you've all been so incredibly helpful and kind ❤️
it's definitely, definitely helped me. Thank you.

Namechange your post made me cry. Thank you for being lovely. I know overwhelm could play a big part with this. It's hard.

Tomorrow is a new day. New rules (no fruit juice, raisins, sweets, treats until she's brushed throughly), but calm, no anger. In truth, I didn't get angry tonight, more despairing/desperation/felt like I'd lost the plot.

It's exhausting OP. You clearly care a great deal. You've got this!

I will continue to pin my DS even when he's 7 if he still refuses.

Well all I'm saying is, I think you underestimate the strength of a 7yo boy. It will be hard for you to win a literal wrestling match with him without leaving visible marks and bruises from the scuffle, and not only will that be upsetting to all, you might have to explain that at school etc. It's just not as easy as saying "I'll pin him down".

Thank you gelli - hope so! and thanks for making me laugh comedy, I think DD has it pretty good most of the time

If it is any help … my daughter is now 20 and has beautiful teeth (chuffed when the dentist complimented her on her dental hygiene). We had exactly your problem all the way - the video and pictures were my final go-to (age 8). I felt awful when she cried but it was a final slow turning point. I stopped pushing after it but she slowly started taking responsibility. She talks now about how traumatic the pictures were (the family joke is cost of counselling!) but now recognises that her health was my main concern. I know that many will criticise but threat to health for me, justified a “robust” approach but it was better than trying to forcefully brush her teeth (tried that too but was destroyed by the physicality of it). Good luck OP - she knows you love her and will get the message.

Thank you crispy ❤️
and to everyone else I've missed mentioning: sorry - you've all been a massive help. Will get some disclosing tables too.

That's why I explained about my friend with the disabled 8YO. I fully understand the strength of a child that age, disabled or not. But sometimes you have to find a way to do what is needed in that situation. I hope I never have to pin him down at that age. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it, is my point. As the OP was feeling bad about what she did.

That was great to read whynot, thank you! So happy for you and DD.

I don't know if im remembering wrong you will have to google but im sure there was something on dragons den where the toothbrush was linked to tablet/iPad if she has one where its a game and everytime you brush your teeth it opens up new levels and characters

There is a lot of NT posts here many people who don’t get PDA.

If you haven’t already, the PDA Society website is a brilliant resource - it’s all written with a PDA lens, so the advice feels much more relevant than the generic ND stuff you’ll often get. Their Parenting a PDAer guide and What Helps? tips are especially useful for tricky everyday things like toothbrushing.

I think DD would love this, thank you.

Thank you Namechange - will look now

What an awful thread, pining children down!

My DD bought some HiSmile blue raspberry toothpaste - I had a taste and it's delicious. The only problem might be a child would want to eat it...

Don’t be ridiculous @shepherd00; the natural consequences of no /little oral hygiene routine in a child of 7 is extractions. The latter often involves pinning down (or ‘clinical holding’) for a general anaesthetic induction. So get it into proportion, a bit of pinning down for a couple of minutes per day while getting the oral health routine completed in an uncooperative child is what a responsible parent does in their child’s best interests. Some aspects of child rearing are non-negotiable and oral health care is one of them.

I think it's quite normal to have to pin very young children down to brush their teeth. It doesn't hurt them, and they're usually smiling as soon as they're done. We as adults know that if that's the only way, it's still better than a mouth of rotten teeth and dental problems in adulthood, which realistically is neglectful. After a few attempts they usually just let you do it, but some ND kids will continue to fight (like mine did!) and parents need to seek advice like OP has done here.

Edited to say smiling, not smoking (lol!)

It is awful and a last resort but sometimes it has to be done. She has to brush her teeth. Just like kids have to take medications or have vaccines or get hospital treatment most children won't do these things willingly so as an adult you have to do what needs to be done. Obviously nobody wants to pin their child down but sometimes there is no choice and you have to do whats in their best interest

A responsible parent doesn’t have to pin their child down. Never have I pined my daughter down

Likely because you didn't have significant issues brushing your child's teeth?

So, if your child refused to let you brush them, nothing worked (and I mean nothing) - bribes, withholding things, sticker charts, etc, you'd let your child's teeth rot? What do you suggest people do?

I view toothbrushing line car seats - just has to be done.

I will pin my children down and do it. And now they know that I count to 3. If they come and open up before - happy days, nice gentle brushing. If not - it still gets done, but the bad way.

Well good for you but all children are different i grew up in and out of hospital I was a very unwell child lots of surgeries that sort of thing. Due to this i would freak out anytime a dr or nurse came any where near me so I had to be restrained to recieve treatment if that hadn't of happened i wouldn't be here writing this message to you. Sometimes its necessary. What about when you was changing nappies did you ever pin your kids down my kids where like contortionists on speed as babies when I was changing them.

You've never had to pin them for vaccines or blood tests or anything at all??? Wow. What amazingly cooperative children you have. It took 5 nurses to pin my eldest to get his bloods taken. Needs must.

This 👏👏