Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

17 year old DS wants to go abroad with girlfriend

86 replies

ROSEandIVY · 07/09/2025 05:18

My DS and his girlfriend have both just turned 17. They have known each other since September but only been dating for 3 months. They now want to go to her parents home in Spain alone. I have said no to him, which is causing difficulties between us. He doesn’t understand my reasons; he is a minor, there are no adults there if there is an emergency, I can’t just drive to him if something happens.
I have suggested if they get a group of friends, I will reconsider. If her parents were going, it would be different. But, he is 17 and anything could happen. Would you say yes or no in this situation?

OP posts:
maxisback · 07/09/2025 07:16

AlllllllTheUsernames · 07/09/2025 05:25

I'd say no, and I'd get it in writing, and get him to sign underneath that he's understood and accepted.

My mother said no in very similar circs to my sister, they each rewrote history to suit their own side, and it caused a rift that lasted decades.

You would get your son to sign saying he accepted you telling him he couldn’t do this? That's utter madness.

FWIW OP I would be happier with a 17 year old lad travelling to Spain with his girlfriend than I would a group of friends. I’m not sure why you would consider that but not this. They are far less likely to get up to silly stuff when it’s just the 2 of them. I would really support mine to do this though.

ThisIsHowWeDoItThisIsHowWeDoIt · 07/09/2025 07:16

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to stop my kids doing this. It sounds like a lovely thing to do.

I definitely was going on holiday in Europe with my friends before I was eighteen.

ThisIsHowWeDoItThisIsHowWeDoIt · 07/09/2025 07:21

AlllllllTheUsernames · 07/09/2025 05:25

I'd say no, and I'd get it in writing, and get him to sign underneath that he's understood and accepted.

My mother said no in very similar circs to my sister, they each rewrote history to suit their own side, and it caused a rift that lasted decades.

That’s a really strange way of attempting to create a different outcome. Maybe if your mother had supported your sister she rift to nit have happened and everyone would have had a different relationship with one another.

Frankly your plan is ludicrous.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

17 years old Families General parenting
user1476613140 · 07/09/2025 07:24

DS was 17 and flew out to New York last December to meet his girlfriend (ex now). He was fine. It was an experience for him. He enjoyed the travelling.

I think parents need to let go and give independence. Your DS is not even going alone!! Unlike my own DS yours has company on the flight!

BlackCat00 · 07/09/2025 07:26

I went abroad at 16 with a group of girls and again at 17. One of our friends in the group wasnt allowed to go. It still gets brought up 30 years later that she missed out on the adventures with us as we still reminisce about our time abroad together. Its sad that she was stopped from going by her parents. I was always grateful my parents trusted me. 17 is a tricky age, be careful as decisions made now could affect your future relationship.

Thelondonone · 07/09/2025 07:27

I went on a girls holiday and with my bf at 17 (nearly 18). I agree that a couple is safer than a group. It AC safer than going to reading festival and kids go at 16. I didn’t want my daughter to go, didn’t sleep worrying, but she was sensible and came back. She’d never have forgiven me if I’d said no.

Toomanywaterbottles · 07/09/2025 07:29

I think it’s completely fine.

PlanetOtter · 07/09/2025 07:30

I’m another one who thinks it’s fine.

Spain with a girlfriend is about as safe as holiday as you can get.

In a few months time, he might well announce that he’s going backpacking around Botswana and there’s absolutely zero you can do about that.

Much better to know that he’s had some life experience first.

Fearfulsaints · 07/09/2025 07:31

I think he'd be safer with a girlfriend than a group to be honest.

But as an aside, I had to sign a permission slip basically for my son to go on a plane under 18. It was a requirement of the airline. And his travel insurance e only covered him with an over 18 in the group. I am sure different insurance is available. It was just a clause in ours.

user1476613140 · 07/09/2025 07:31

It's only Spain no offence. Its hardly the ends of the earth OP. Come on! Parents seriously need to let go of almost adult DC and stop clipping their wings! It's seriously unhealthy.

jennygeddes · 07/09/2025 07:33

My daugter went to Greece with friends at 17. I don't see a problem with it. Unless he's missing school/college, in which case I would say no.

Aniedu · 07/09/2025 07:33

I travelled on trains/ ferries/ waited overnight to get ferry when just turned 17 and then went on my gap year with a friend who was still 17 (Scottish so when we went in August she was not even nearly 18- Jan bday) it was 20 years ago, but it’s still the same, plenty of Scots/Irish go off travelling at 17. My husband did interrailing at 17 and started uni at 17.

the world is different now - better in many way for travelling at 17. Make sure he knows how to use his phone abroad, get him a credit card that is strictly for an emergency (stranded somewhere) and he should be as safe as he would be at 18! Going with a gf is likely to be very low key, especially if they’re staying somewhere her parents own. Much more of a worry if he was going with a bunch of boozy lads to stay somewhere party party.

incognitomouse · 07/09/2025 07:35

I wouldn't stop him going - he's 17, not 13.

Aniedu · 07/09/2025 07:35

PlanetOtter · 07/09/2025 07:30

I’m another one who thinks it’s fine.

Spain with a girlfriend is about as safe as holiday as you can get.

In a few months time, he might well announce that he’s going backpacking around Botswana and there’s absolutely zero you can do about that.

Much better to know that he’s had some life experience first.

This is a good point. This is easing him on gently! When he sets off for 6 months round Asia he really needs to know how to think for himself and be safe abroad.

greengreyblue · 07/09/2025 07:37

What is he like in general? Does he engage in risky behaviour? Talk through what they need to do and help him understand how to navigate the holiday with transport and getting food etc. Make sure he has all the phone numbers for emergencies out there. I would be far happier for him to be in a couple than a group. As it’s a family villa no doubt she will be well informed by her own parents and having been there before. Would it help to chat to her parents so they can give you an insight to the area and amenities? At this age they start to pull away and you can try to stand in his way or you can help him navigate. I know which one helps him to grow in confidence and experience

CleanShirt · 07/09/2025 07:37

I moved out of home and went to London when I was 17. Let him go.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 07/09/2025 07:38

Not sure what your issue is here. Realistically how much could go wrong that a 17 year old couldn’t sort out themselves as compared to the 18 year old they will be in just 1 year. They are literally jumping on short haul to see family. He’s not even by himself. Plenty of 12 year olds will do that trip.

greengreyblue · 07/09/2025 07:40

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 07/09/2025 07:38

Not sure what your issue is here. Realistically how much could go wrong that a 17 year old couldn’t sort out themselves as compared to the 18 year old they will be in just 1 year. They are literally jumping on short haul to see family. He’s not even by himself. Plenty of 12 year olds will do that trip.

Not seeing family. Using villa.

Toomanywaterbottles · 07/09/2025 07:41

I do think it’s quite normal to travel abroad on holiday at 17. Both my DDs were travelling alone at that age, so a couple is easier and safer, and the accommodation is is known to them.

Snorlaxo · 07/09/2025 07:41

As long as he wasn’t missing school, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. He’ll be at uni soon and you won’t have any clue what he’s up to, it’s best for everyone if he feels he can talk to you. M
I’m not sure why you’d feel better if it was a group holiday. It takes one person to buy alcohol or drugs to make the chance of dangerous/risky behaviour to increase where as being with his gf is likely to mean sex but “better” behaviour.

AgnesX · 07/09/2025 07:42

I'd not be happy, mostly because it's another country and (presumably) he doesn't speak Spanish.

His g/f does and her parents trust her to allow her to go so step back and accept it as part of his growing up.

autienotnaughty · 07/09/2025 07:43

My 17 year old traveled through Europe with her elder sister but I allowed it because she had he sister looking out for her. The elder one also went to Spain at 17 but stayed with her friends parents.

id be uneasy about them travelling and staying alone partly due to the fact they haven’t been together very long.

PiriPiriMenopause · 07/09/2025 07:43

My 17yo is about to move out and start university!

There’s not a great deal of difference between them at 17 and 18. Just let go! He’ll be fine.

Donotgogentle · 07/09/2025 07:44

PollyBell · 07/09/2025 07:02

To me it nothing about being sensible or trust just a simple case of in some cases it makes a difference legally between 17 and 18, to me its a fact

And if anything goes wrong the first thing a child will do is call their parents who have to sort it out for them and it may be easier to do it from a far when 18

Yes i am sure people will say it makes no difference

Can you explain more about which legal differences are relevant? Some accommodation won’t accept bookings from under 18s but that is not relevant here.

DS went interrailing at 17, there was a serious medical incident unfortunately. An ambulance was called, GHIC card was produced, 17 year old was treated in hospital overnight.

I’m not sure what magic there is legally in being 18.

CommissarySushi · 07/09/2025 07:44

Sounds fine to me. I'd wave him off with a smile.