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Original poster

Emotional toddler

36 replies

Mumofonexo · 04/09/2025 19:54

My now 2 year old has always been very emotional and cried allot. To me it seems excessive how much he cries/ screams.

All his basic needs are met yet he has several full on meltdowns a day.

I feel like he hates me or something and whatever I do isn’t good enough.

for example trying to get him dressed he throws himself on the floor and screams 🙃

is this normal? How do you cope with more than one because it’s exhausting

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daisyb2 · 05/09/2025 00:20

Totally normal. My son was the exact same at 2 years old. He is now 3 and starting to get better, he will still have tantrums at getting clothes on etc now and again, but it does get better. It is exhausting, but you are doing the best you can x

Eenameenadeeka · 05/09/2025 00:32

Pretty common, it's not about you so try not to take it personally.

BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 06:33

Do you give him a choice over what he’s going to wear so he feels a bit more in control? At that age I would do things like show them 2 T-shirts and ask them which obe they wanted to wear. You don’t want to overwhelm them with choice but a choice between 2 things usually works. You can offer a choice of two with things like cups and fruit too.

When he has a tantrum, is it usually over in 10 to 15 minutes?

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 07:39

BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 06:33

Do you give him a choice over what he’s going to wear so he feels a bit more in control? At that age I would do things like show them 2 T-shirts and ask them which obe they wanted to wear. You don’t want to overwhelm them with choice but a choice between 2 things usually works. You can offer a choice of two with things like cups and fruit too.

When he has a tantrum, is it usually over in 10 to 15 minutes?

Yeah I’ll pick out options for him and he still goes berserk. He doesn’t seem to like wearing clothes.

Sadly not 😅 the tantrums can go on for hours x

OP posts:
Morecoffeethanks · 05/09/2025 09:02

I have one these two year olds too, so solidarity. I find she’s a bit like my working type dog, the more I exercise her the calmer she is. We do lots of scooter and balance bike rides. Baths also help a lot with her mood- she often has one in the middle of day if she’s in a bad mood. I tend to dress her as soon as she wakes up.
I also take her out for her moodiest part of the day which tends to be afternoons as she’s getting tired, so we will go to the woods for a couple of hours and collect sticks and throw stones in the river.

BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 09:28

Getting out, especially silly in the woods is good for regulation I agree.

if the tantrums are going on for hours though, that’s a bit more unusual. Most toddlers will come out of a tantrum after about 10 to 15 minutes.

Has he has a 2 year check with your HV yet?

Does he go to any childcare and have they raised any concerns?

BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 09:37

Sorry I don’t know where the word silly came from and now it won’t let me edit Blush

SJ198 · 05/09/2025 09:57

I don’t think tantrums that last for hours are normal. Indeed, it’s one of the things they check for in the 2 year review - can you usually calm your child down within 15 to 30 minutes? (or something like that - it’s been a little while)

Are you scheduled to see your HV for a 2 year check?

user1492757084 · 05/09/2025 10:00

Take him for a medical check.
He might be suffering chronic pain like ear ache or tooth ache.

Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 11:47

Morecoffeethanks · 05/09/2025 09:02

I have one these two year olds too, so solidarity. I find she’s a bit like my working type dog, the more I exercise her the calmer she is. We do lots of scooter and balance bike rides. Baths also help a lot with her mood- she often has one in the middle of day if she’s in a bad mood. I tend to dress her as soon as she wakes up.
I also take her out for her moodiest part of the day which tends to be afternoons as she’s getting tired, so we will go to the woods for a couple of hours and collect sticks and throw stones in the river.

It’s hard isn’t it! We had literally been out all morning and he’s still so grumpy 😅

was your child an emotional baby too?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 11:48

user1492757084 · 05/09/2025 10:00

Take him for a medical check.
He might be suffering chronic pain like ear ache or tooth ache.

I have done they said it’s normal

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 11:58

SJ198 · 05/09/2025 09:57

I don’t think tantrums that last for hours are normal. Indeed, it’s one of the things they check for in the 2 year review - can you usually calm your child down within 15 to 30 minutes? (or something like that - it’s been a little while)

Are you scheduled to see your HV for a 2 year check?

Edited

The health visitors in my area keep leaving so they are so short staffed. They said the review will be after Christmas!

I took him to the pead nurse at my gp surgery as was told tantrums that last over an hour were normal 😅

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 12:00

BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 09:28

Getting out, especially silly in the woods is good for regulation I agree.

if the tantrums are going on for hours though, that’s a bit more unusual. Most toddlers will come out of a tantrum after about 10 to 15 minutes.

Has he has a 2 year check with your HV yet?

Does he go to any childcare and have they raised any concerns?

The health visitors in my area keep leaving so they are so short staffed. They said the review will be after Christmas!

yes nursery have said he’s hyperactive 🙈 personally I think he might have ADHD

OP posts:
Morecoffeethanks · 05/09/2025 12:23

@Mumofonexo yes she was way harder as a baby than my four year old was. She has hit all her milestones pretty early and is so happy and engaged with all family and friends. It’s just when we are at home she is such hard work so many tantrums so much wanting to do things that aren’t safe. She screamed for an hour because she wasn’t allowed to ride her balance bike in the house the other day.
She is very mischievous too but a fantastic problem solver- she impresses daily.

dizzydizzydizzy · 05/09/2025 12:59

Hmmm..... tantrums for hours and not liking wearing clothes sounds very difficult.

Could it be that he find the labels irritating? Or certain fabrics feel uncomfortable to him. I'm wondering about sensory issues. Are there certain textures he likes?

Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 13:25

Morecoffeethanks · 05/09/2025 12:23

@Mumofonexo yes she was way harder as a baby than my four year old was. She has hit all her milestones pretty early and is so happy and engaged with all family and friends. It’s just when we are at home she is such hard work so many tantrums so much wanting to do things that aren’t safe. She screamed for an hour because she wasn’t allowed to ride her balance bike in the house the other day.
She is very mischievous too but a fantastic problem solver- she impresses daily.

Oh gosh my son sounds the same. Loves being at nursery but at home just wants to cause chaos. It’s really hard some days isn’t it.

it’s definitely put me off having another child - well this plus a traumatic birth

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 13:27

dizzydizzydizzy · 05/09/2025 12:59

Hmmm..... tantrums for hours and not liking wearing clothes sounds very difficult.

Could it be that he find the labels irritating? Or certain fabrics feel uncomfortable to him. I'm wondering about sensory issues. Are there certain textures he likes?

So difficult! Makes me feel inadequate or something.

possibly but even really soft clothing is a challenge. He just likes being naked 🙈 wasn’t sure if it’s just a boy thing?

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 13:31

The Nurse is obviously a bit out of touch (with reality) and it sounds as though you’re being let down by your HCPs.

You’ve mentioned ADHD and it does sound as though he might need some support and possibly assessment.

I would start by filling in both of these:

2 year Ages & Stages

and the 2 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

On the first one, it’s fairly typical to score in the grey in a couple of areas, so don’t think he has to score in the white for every area.

In the second one, the cut off is 65. If he scores that or more i would book in to see your GP on Monday.

But for now, fill them both in and let us know how he scores and we can advise you who to speak to and what to ask for Flowers

Rorys · 05/09/2025 13:34

I don’t think hours long tantrums are normal,
tantrums yes, even days where they’re just in a bad mood or there are more tantrums, but if he’s genuinely tantrumming for hours ( not just whining a bit, getting distracted then whining a bit more) then I don’t think that’s normal and I’d push with the gp and health visitor. That must be exhausting for you both.

is there a pattern to what sets him off, eg is it always sensory?
can you appease it, have you tried books about feelings, how verbal is he that might be causing frustration if he’s can’t explain himself. Is he in any pain? Does he understand you?
I suppose there’s a lot of potential things that could be contributing but do try to not take it personally, it must be so hard

BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 13:36

Rorys · 05/09/2025 13:34

I don’t think hours long tantrums are normal,
tantrums yes, even days where they’re just in a bad mood or there are more tantrums, but if he’s genuinely tantrumming for hours ( not just whining a bit, getting distracted then whining a bit more) then I don’t think that’s normal and I’d push with the gp and health visitor. That must be exhausting for you both.

is there a pattern to what sets him off, eg is it always sensory?
can you appease it, have you tried books about feelings, how verbal is he that might be causing frustration if he’s can’t explain himself. Is he in any pain? Does he understand you?
I suppose there’s a lot of potential things that could be contributing but do try to not take it personally, it must be so hard

I know I was fairly miserable as a baby and toddler and I had undiagnosed CMPA.Still get cranky now if I’m having a reaction.

Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 13:40

BunnyRuddington · 05/09/2025 13:31

The Nurse is obviously a bit out of touch (with reality) and it sounds as though you’re being let down by your HCPs.

You’ve mentioned ADHD and it does sound as though he might need some support and possibly assessment.

I would start by filling in both of these:

2 year Ages & Stages

and the 2 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

On the first one, it’s fairly typical to score in the grey in a couple of areas, so don’t think he has to score in the white for every area.

In the second one, the cut off is 65. If he scores that or more i would book in to see your GP on Monday.

But for now, fill them both in and let us know how he scores and we can advise you who to speak to and what to ask for Flowers

Thank you so much!

yes I’ve basically been told it’s normal toddler behaviour and just to get on with it?

X

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/09/2025 13:44

Rorys · 05/09/2025 13:34

I don’t think hours long tantrums are normal,
tantrums yes, even days where they’re just in a bad mood or there are more tantrums, but if he’s genuinely tantrumming for hours ( not just whining a bit, getting distracted then whining a bit more) then I don’t think that’s normal and I’d push with the gp and health visitor. That must be exhausting for you both.

is there a pattern to what sets him off, eg is it always sensory?
can you appease it, have you tried books about feelings, how verbal is he that might be causing frustration if he’s can’t explain himself. Is he in any pain? Does he understand you?
I suppose there’s a lot of potential things that could be contributing but do try to not take it personally, it must be so hard

Thank you I think I will take him to see someone else. I thought it was just a phase but it’s been going on for ages! I’ve just been sucking it up while internally screaming.

no honestly anything will set him off. He is not interested in anything while he’s like that and will throw things/ smack himself in the face and headbut the walls.

I try and comfort him but he just screams more and pushes me away. But then if I do walk away he then grabs my leg like he wants me but then tries smacking me?

x

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 05/09/2025 13:52

I was thinking about ADHD and autism too.

My DC2 who is early 20s has in the last year been diagnosed with both (and dyslexia). DC2 had issues with clothes as a toddler as welll. They didn't go naked but their preschool reported me to social services for not being warmly enough dressed!!!! DC2 would just refuse to wear most things and generally would take off socks or gloves or hats. There was only one cardigan they loved but they usually did not have anything underneath the cardigan.

OP it might be worth even now having a chat with your GP about possible neurodivergence. I would keep a diary about your child's behaviour. I would strongly recommend getting formal diagnoses. DC2 has been really disadvantaged by not having them earlier. However, I am pleased to say that their university studies are going well - but they have had a lot of challenges at university to overcome.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/09/2025 13:57

I’ve basically been told it’s normal toddler behaviour and just to get on with it

I don't agree with the nurse you saw.
Tantrums that last an hour or more, plus your child not liking having any clothes on, and making you so miserable into the bargain, would make me wonder about autism/ADHD.

Does he have strong food texture dislikes too?

I see that his nursery has flagged up hyperactivity.

verycloakanddaggers · 05/09/2025 14:00

All his basic needs are met yet he has several full on meltdowns a day.

I feel like he hates me or something and whatever I do isn’t good enough.

You may need to think carefully about your own emotional responses so that you can help him. Assuming he hates you is an overemotional response from you - if you are responding very emotionally he will pick up on this.

Also tantrums have nothing to do with meeting basic needs - they're an emotional reaction, often to very minor things.

How do you react when he first starts to get upset?

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