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Original poster

Just venting

29 replies

Allmylove · 26/08/2025 06:47

Hi ,
I’ll try to keep it short but anyways I’m just struggling so much lately. I’m thinking about seeking therapy…
it all stems from not really having a mother figure in my life.
i wanted to be close with the mother in law and it seemed like she liked me and enjoyed my company until I found out she was talking about me behind my back. Which that didn’t bother me except she was trying to convince my husband I was a bad person. All lies she was saying and non sense until one day he woke up and told me because he started to believe it.
that I’m trying to take the grandkids away and not let them see them even though they would never babysit or ask about them. They would come over during nap time, which they knew snd then would say I’m trying to keep them from seeing their grandson… That I was a goldigger that will never work, I quit when I had my second child because I didn’t want him to be in daycare all the time. Was actually my husbands idea and we are more than fine financially. Even made fun of the wedding band I picked out they didn’t match my husbands, so our marriage wasn’t as strong according to her. I’m honestly not making this up.
On the other hand my mother is confrontational about everything. Never was loving with me growing up. If I would ask for advice it always flipped around to me being the problem somehow.
one day I was crying will holding my newborn son cause he never slept and I never got any help and I heard her mocking me crying to my dad in the adjacent room. No lie, it sounds surreal.
I just really have no support system and it’s so hard having young kids. I’m starting to think there is something wrong with me, half joking, since these people have been so horrible to me. I’ve always tried my best to be a nice, moral person and no one is perfect but I really don’t deserve this. 😭

OP posts:
Springtimehere · 26/08/2025 06:56

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Springtimehere · 26/08/2025 06:56

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Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 07:02

Thanks springtimehere! I appreciate your
support and advice.
i had to go no contact with my mother in law because I did confront her on the things she
said and she just denied and made me leave her house. I only asked why she acted like she did and she couldn’t give me an answer. Then she got mad, of well…

OP posts:

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Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 07:06

Also I feel like its hard to open up to other moms or friends because if they never experienced
these types of problems they don’t know what to say and I sometimes
get Embarrassed even if they are
oositive and try to
help me.

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 07:28

The almost complete absence of any mention of your husband OP is what I find most concerning of all

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 07:29

You live with your parents?

Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 07:50

No I don’t live with my parents and also I didn’t mention my husband because hes not the problem. He told me about what she was saying about me. I don’t understand why that’s concerning?? He stuck up for me but that’s not the point.
The point was that she was attacking me for no reason. She also did it to her daughter and son in law so I’m not the only target.

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 07:56

Allmylove · 26/08/2025 07:50

No I don’t live with my parents and also I didn’t mention my husband because hes not the problem. He told me about what she was saying about me. I don’t understand why that’s concerning?? He stuck up for me but that’s not the point.
The point was that she was attacking me for no reason. She also did it to her daughter and son in law so I’m not the only target.

Trust me Op

With regard to your MiL issues… he is a huge part of the issue .

as for your DM… if you don’t live with her, how far do you live from her that you seem to spend a quite inordinate amount of time with her

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 07:57

I mean I’m struggling to see how you can’t see the very simple solution… don’t spend time with people who are nasty to you

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 07:58

All lies she was saying and non sense until one day he woke up and told me because he started to believe it.

What a lovely husband

Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 08:16

Who says I spend a lot of time with either of them? I don’t even speak to my mother in law period. Still doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
He told me when he didn’t have to and i could tell he was afraid to stick up for me cause he has been conditioned his whole life that he must please his parents. Apparently you don’t know what childhood trama looks like so good for you.

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:27

Allmylove · 26/08/2025 08:16

Who says I spend a lot of time with either of them? I don’t even speak to my mother in law period. Still doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
He told me when he didn’t have to and i could tell he was afraid to stick up for me cause he has been conditioned his whole life that he must please his parents. Apparently you don’t know what childhood trama looks like so good for you.

No biggie then

just don’t see them at all

and focus on fact your husband is easily swayed by his mother’s rotten views of his wife

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:28

Your focus is all wrong

if you barely see these abusive people, stop

your husband shouldn’t believe his mother’s rotten views on you and should be fully supportive of you not engaging with his MIL

Sadly though, I suspect he won’t be supportive. At. All

WifeOfAGemini · 26/08/2025 08:34

It sounds like your mil has a very strong influence over her son. In the past did they talk a lot, did she direct his life a lot? So she feels displaced she is lashing out at you, and encouraging dh to think the worst of you. Are you absolutely sure your dh hasn’t been complaining to her about you? if not, why isn’t he standing up for you more?

The solution is very simple: you don’t see your MiL and dh makes it clear that until she is nicer she won’t see him or the GC either.

Id also cut contact with your own mum t a minimum. Neither of these women as adding anything positive to your family life.

Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 13:53

And he did stand up for me against her when I confronted her. It was almost like he was sort of afraid of her. She doesn’t react normally when confronted. If that was me and I said things and did want she did I would feel very bad, very apologetic. She just got really angry and tried to turn it on me.
i don’t talk to her at all, my husband rarely does but still takes the kids over to see his dad a few times a month because it would have killed his dad to never see the kids anymore. She’s on her best behavior now and never talks about me according to my husband. I can’t ever talk to her again though because I’m sure it would start again if I did. I’m fine with no contact. Still breaks my heat regardless.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 14:16

Sweet melon, again for the 50th time.., I don’t talk to her at all!

also my husband did tell her to stop multiple times, then he did stand up to her and say you are saying these things about my wife and I’ve had enough when I confronted her. She did not say that he was also talking about me as well and believe she was so raging mad that I was standing up for myself she sure as hell would have mentioned that!
He said she’s been like this his whole life so it was “normal” for her to talk about others so much that they would find out and exit her life. I’m not saying it’s right but just his perspective. I don’t know why he continued to talk to her at the time but I believe it’s his only way to be able to see his dad as sad as that is. Also I understand as a child, now adult, you want to believe, to some extent, your mother has your best interests in mind. I’m not a psychologist so I don’t pretend to know everything.
i was just venting about not having a support system while being a mom is hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 14:59

WifeOfAGemini · 26/08/2025 08:34

It sounds like your mil has a very strong influence over her son. In the past did they talk a lot, did she direct his life a lot? So she feels displaced she is lashing out at you, and encouraging dh to think the worst of you. Are you absolutely sure your dh hasn’t been complaining to her about you? if not, why isn’t he standing up for you more?

The solution is very simple: you don’t see your MiL and dh makes it clear that until she is nicer she won’t see him or the GC either.

Id also cut contact with your own mum t a minimum. Neither of these women as adding anything positive to your family life.

He did stand up for me. Told her to stop saying things about me.
when I confronted her he had my back when she was denying saying things about me. He told her before to stop saying things about me, she stopped for awhile and would just randomly say things in the middle of conversations..
she absolutely would have thrown him under the bus if he was past of it she was so mad at him for taking my side. How dare you stand up to someone, I mean really the nerve 😆
anyways she’s been like that his whole life to everyone so he almost accepted that’s who she is.
since I have cut contact and him very low contact just taking the kids over once and while to see his dad mainly she hasn’t said anything about me. Out of sight out of mind I guess lol
anyways it’s fine now I’m just sad because i only have friends here in the city I live in, no family and it would have been nice if my in-laws liked me since I live 10 minutes. I have no help with my kids at all

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 15:07

So you don’t speak to your MIL
So you have no contact with her
So…. What is the issue? Is it that she’s bad mouthing you to your DH (who started to believe her fgs!)? Given you are sure that DH now is sticking up for you etc. I’m not really seeing the issue

As for your DM…. How often do you see her?

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 15:09

Do you have any local friends? How old is your child(ren)?

Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 15:17

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 15:07

So you don’t speak to your MIL
So you have no contact with her
So…. What is the issue? Is it that she’s bad mouthing you to your DH (who started to believe her fgs!)? Given you are sure that DH now is sticking up for you etc. I’m not really seeing the issue

As for your DM…. How often do you see her?

I was hopeful to have a close relationship with my mil since my own mother isn’t so supportive. Why are you so pressed on being harsh to me? I’m venting not asking for advice even.
my in-laws are the only family that live close to me. I was just wishing I had a good relationship with them. There is nothing wrong with that.
plus now I can’t attend any family events if she’s going to be there so that hurts even more.
please stop responding to my post, you are making me feel worse

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 15:19

Op…. Do you have friends?

Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 16:07

Does anyone know how to delete my posts on here?

OP posts:
Forgottenname · 26/08/2025 21:23

You seem very alone OP.
A DM you’re not close to
A nasty MIL that you’re NC with
A husband who is so beholden to his mother that actually believes the poison she is spouting

And no mention of any other family or friends.

You sound very lonely and unhappy. Forget your MiL. Forget your DM. Get marriage counselling and focus on trying to get friends and interests beyond your MIl and dm

good luck

Original poster
Allmylove · 26/08/2025 21:59

Forgottenname · 26/08/2025 21:23

You seem very alone OP.
A DM you’re not close to
A nasty MIL that you’re NC with
A husband who is so beholden to his mother that actually believes the poison she is spouting

And no mention of any other family or friends.

You sound very lonely and unhappy. Forget your MiL. Forget your DM. Get marriage counselling and focus on trying to get friends and interests beyond your MIl and dm

good luck

Edited

I have many friends. A brother, sil
and their kids who I adore. I just spent the entire day with one of my friends that’s in a similar position. I also have 2 kids that make me happy.
im not lonely by any means but thanks for the advice

OP posts:
Forgottenname · 26/08/2025 22:25

Allmylove · 26/08/2025 21:59

I have many friends. A brother, sil
and their kids who I adore. I just spent the entire day with one of my friends that’s in a similar position. I also have 2 kids that make me happy.
im not lonely by any means but thanks for the advice

Show quote history

So you do have a support network?

you have a nasty mil that nc with
and a domineering DM (how often do you see?

just avoid spending time with them and focus on your many friends and other supportive
fsmik . Seems like a no brainer to me