Huckleberry help

[GallowwayGirl88]

I’ve recently upgraded to the sweet spot feature in huckleberry, and feel like I must be doing something totally wrong.
little one has never fallen asleep near the sweet spot (maybe 30 minutes later), only naps for 30 minutes (unless in the baby carrier out a walk), not the 1/1.5 hours the app suggests.

little one pretty much always need rocked to sleep.

I feel like a totally failure. They’re upset at most nap times but I can’t seem to get them to sleep any earlier.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Advice?

Little one is 14 weeks old.

I’d say just go with the flow. With my first I would agonise over nap times and felt like a failure because my baby wouldn’t go down for a nap. With my second, I popped him in the sling for all naps and got on with it. Routines and apps can be helpful but not if it’s making you feel like a failure. Your 14 week old is totally normal! Most babies want to be cuddled, held and/or rocked to sleep.

Speaking as a mum of a 16 month old who is also 6 months pregnant- if the app is causing you stress, delete it.

You honestly don’t need it, give yourself a break and just stop. Baby will sleep when they are tired, feed when hungry, and cry when they fancy crying. There is enough to worry about without also trying to keep up with what a random app suggests x

Ditch the app, the baby will do it thing, relax where you can, and make sure you get someone to give you enough relief that you can rest properly.

At 14 weeks they're only just figuring out day and night. Napping is still pretty random, in my experience! Take them to something very stimulating and they'll need a nap after. Stuck them in a car ot pushchair and they'll soon be asleep regardless if any wake window concept.

You're not doing anything wrong.

I tried the app around the 3 month mark as well and it just created more work and stress for me.

The wake windows were just a little too short for my son.

Just read the baby.

Also mine only took a long nap at lunch, if I coslept with him. I watched a lot of Netflix in the dark with subtitles then!!! Otherwise all naps were 30-40 minute then too.

All improved at the 4-5 month sleep regression.

Delete the app. Babies aren't aware that they should be following schedules set by an algorithm. They're not little robots!

I only got on with "awake windows" when I realised she had irregular awake windows. I can't remember what they were like exactly but something like 2.5h between waking and first nap 1.5h between nap 2 and 3 then 3h to nap 4 which later turned to bedtime. The exception was Tuesday's when for an entire month she had a 5h nap where she latched on and off the breast having mini feeds now and then.
I had the most basic of apps that allowed me to monitor sleep every now and then I'd have a look at when she would sleep and loosely tried to get her to sleep around then for the following few days and adjust our routine to her current sleep needs. It changes so frequently at that age I followed her rather than the rules of thumb the various apps used disguised as smart tech!

So it’s not the app that is stressing me out. It’s that my child won’t nap unless they are getting held or nursed. I can’t cope with the constantly being touched out, lack of sleep, general post natal depression & rage.

That's because it's a little baby who needs something to be able to fall asleep, whether that is being held or of being nursed. Perfectly normal.

Have you spoken to anyone about the PPD?

My daughter was like this at 14 weeks some time around 16 weeks I could occasionally get her to sleep in the pram by 20 weeks the most reliable way to get her to sleep was in the pram and this continued until she dropped her nap at 2.5-3!

I got completely touched out too. At 14 weeks even when she wasn't napping I had to hold her because of reflux. By the time my partner got home from work I was ready to skin myself just to not have another human touching me for a few minutes. At this stage the hours are long but the weeks are short. Keep trying other naps, I picked a nap to prioritise and another nap to experiment with. I played around with options with the morning nap but kept the afternoon nap as a contact nap. Once we was reliably sleeping in the pram I prioritised the longer afternoon nap as a pram nap and periodically experimented with home non contact naps in the morning. I managed to get her to nap lying next to me on the bed. I was still tied to lying with her but at least my arms were free and I wasn't being touched

Yeah that's just being 14 weeks, we've all been there. Unlike a previous poster who said this went on until toddlerhood, mine slept a lot better around 5 months after some sleep training. And at 12 months now he started sleeping through the night too, totally on his own. There is light at the end of the tunnel,you just need to hang in there.

I’d really recommend seeking support for PPD if you haven’t already- the rest is far more manageable once that is under control.

Unfortunately everything you describe is totally normal and just life with a tiny baby. My daughter is 16 months now and until about 14 months every single nap was a contact nap, she just settled best being held which is totally normal.

At this age you need to find a routine that fits your baby, not the other way round. Drop the app, go with the baby!

Thanks everyone.

I have my HV coming out this week for babies “3 month” appointment. I’m assuming she’ll be able to give me advice. Although I don’t want medication and who knows what counselling wait lists are?

@Superscientist thank you; I’ll have a think about what naps to experiment with. Good idea.

@FTM09q24 what kind of sleep training did you do?

@Mrsttcno1 @CurlewKate incant really do contact naps all the time, I have another child to look after. I can’t have screaming / contact nap baby and put older child to bed at the same time.

Goodness I sound like a right moaning b*tch. Sorry, I do appreciate the advice

My child is now 5, and still even the mention of the word Huckleberry brings me out in a sweat.

Sorry no advice except that it doesn't work for everyone and you're not not necessarily doing anything wrong.

Do you not have a partner who can hold your baby while you do your older child’s bedtime? Or failing that a baby sling so baby can sleep with contact but you still have your hands free?

Ditch the app- it will only add to your PPD.
Ditch the expectation that a very small baby will go down for a fixed nap at a set time with no soothing! You are not a failure for rocking to sleep or contact napping. You are giving them what they need. Will baby go in a sling?
Do you have a partner to help you?

My husband isn’t always home for bedtime, but when he is home he does do one or the other.

I dont expect baby to fall asleep at a set time with nothing. I’m struggling because sometimes they’re awake for an hour then screaming for a nap and other times they’re happy for nearly 2.5 hours and how the heck do I plan life around such unpredictable times?

I know it’s not easy but unpredictable is the name of the game with babies, for really quite a long time. You have to let go of the idea that you should be able to plan really, you have to follow their lead & go with the flow otherwise you will drive yourself crazy.

Sorry but at this age, it really is how it is.

If only I could have put my baby on a schedule at 3 months old, I'd probably have another 5 children as it's the part I struggled with the most!

Be aware though that after we sleep trained, we were 100% tied to the baby's routine. To the minute. I liked it that way but he was an only, this actually doesn't work well when there is an older sibling too! Sleep training involves routine and naps in the crib and as few naps on the go as possible as otherwise you're confusing the poor child and you won't get anywhere.

There are lots of sleep training techniques, they all just take consistency. But you can't attempt it until baby is 5/6 months and have mature sleep cycles.

I meant what was your routine for sleep? Did the training method you followed include crying it out/ similar methods?

Thank you.

I feel like a failure when my niece apparently falls asleep within 5 minutes of what the app says, with just her dummy in her pram/ cot. SIL says she’s been that way since 8 weeks.

We didn't do cry it out but do know that any sleep training requires some crying. They won't love that you're trying to pat and shush or that you're standing next to the crib or not feeding them to sleep. We started by introducing a routine and also not feeding to sleep. He cried a bit, I checked on him every few minutes, gave him a hug, and he was asleep within 20 minutes. But he was doing that randomly anyway, I.e. around 4 months he started being able to self settle but he was only doing it sometimes. I still breastfed on demand at night but by learning to self settle at bed time, it meant he only cried for a feed 1-2 times a night. At 11 months, he dropped all night feeds voluntarily, I didn't do anything for that.

No help here, but SAME!
his wake windows have increased IRL and the app doesn’t seem to have caught up!

also never known him to have a 1-2 hour nap in his life 🤣 30-45 mins ONLY!
your doing nothing wrong - all babies are different!

hes 18 weeks btw!