VERY clingy 2yo - essentially just a rant because I feel sorry for myself

[Alysskea]

So my best friend of 15 years is having a beautiful wedding over 2 days in a weeks time. I was going to be travelling and spending the time with my other best friend of 15 years FINALLY getting a break, drinking, eating etc.

But it’s starting to look like I can’t leave my 2yo because she just can’t cope without me. She got home from nursery today with my partner and collapsed on the floor crying cos I wasn’t there (I was hiding for practice). She was inconsolable.

My partner has been good about it and admits that maybe we could have tried more things like Ms Rachel etc to hold out before calling me down but I have a horrible feeling it’s just not going to be possible for me to have even 1 night away. She’ll only go to bed with me. She’ll only resettle at night for me. She just wants me all the time even with 2 loving parents.

literally just wanted ONE break from all this. She’s a very loved and wanted baby and I really don’t like that right now I resent her loving me so much but god, one night away in 2 years isn’t much to ask is it?!

You can’t let your best friend down by not showing up on her wedding day because your toddler doesn’t want you to go!!

Your DD will be fine. She’s with Dad, yes she might have a tantrum initially, cry for a bit but she will settle, if you don’t do it now you’ll still have to do it at some point so rip the bandaid off and enjoy the wedding!

I honestly think mum guilt is a choice. It’s a myth! Our parents didn’t collapse with guilt for attending their own life events did they? And don’t even remember it happening?

strike that stupid phrase from your thinking and your vocabulary and remember you are more than just a parent.

Definitely go and don't give it a second thought, they will both be absolutely fine. My eldest was the same at 2, I got a new job working evenings so had no choice but to leave her. It was a hellish couple of weeks while she adjusted but she was completely fine and it actually really helped her and DH to bond a bit more. You deserve the break, go and enjoy yourself!

What happens when you go out for the day OP? When she’s at nursery? So glad you booked your tickets by the way! Well done!

It is a choice. DC need to see that you do their things like work and socialise, exercise and have hobbies. You need to demonstrate what living a full and active life looks like. They also need the time and space to be with other members of the family without you being there, especially their own DF.

When did all this my baby won't sleep without me start. It turns into my 2 yo won't sleep ialone. My 3 year old won't do it.My five year old won't do it...co sleeping
And breastfeeding to sleep every time they woke up wasn't done twenty years ago. Now you ve got children over one who still do it.

And then you wonder why the kid can't be without you.

Honestly just leave her.

*other things

Why would you feel guilty? That suggests you think you would be doing something wrong. Do you think it would be wrong to go to you me friends wedding? Ditch the feeling of guilt as it’s a wasted emotion. The more women say they feel guilt for doing perfectly normal things, the more women think they need to feel guilty and so it’s perpetuated

totally agree with you. My favourite is 'my baby won't let me put her down'. Put down, walk away - there you go, I've solved your issue! Be the adult!
The term 'mum guilt' really grinds my gears. What happened to teaching kids some resilience. This child, like so many others has been utterly pandered to by her mother. She is ruling the roost and holding the family to ransom. Not acceptable.

Ruling the roost and holding the family to ransom?? Wtf mum set is a wild ride.

I’ve got a slightly clingier than average child and a slightly uselesser and lazier than average partner. Also she’s 2! Not 22. Jesus.

to the supportive commenters: thank you so much for your encouragement!! I had a great time at the wedding. Everyone is still alive although a certain little demon did basically refuse to sleep the entire weekend so is a tad more demonic than usual 😂

Ah I’m glad you went and everyone survived. Now keep it going so you can all get even more comfortable with it!

I think some people in our parents' generation feel very strongly that way. I've lost count of the women over 50 who have told me to not hold my newborn too much. I tell them all to fuck off.

So glad you went!

I’m so glad that you enjoyed the Wedding. Having time to do things away from being a Mum is important for you and your relationships.

There was bound to be a bit of fall out regarding the sleep but hopefully she will settle back into her routine soon enough.

Thank you for coming back and updating the thread

No need for such vulgarity. You sound a delight.

You'll be over 50 one day and spouting parenting advice that is 20 years out of date and likely also be told to fuck off by your baby given thats the language you raise them with

They have a point though, co-sleeping and breastfeeding toddlers through the night wasnt a thing even 20 years ago.

You make a rod for your own back with this nonsense.

I don't cosleep, never have, and I haven't breastfed through the night since he was 10 months. I'm sorry I don't fit into whatever stereotype you put me in.

Some toddlers having separation anxiety and trouble sleeping has always been an issue, even if your fellow women didn't talk about it much "back in the good old days".

And yeah, anyone who tells a mother of a newborn baby to not hold him too much is an idiot. That's not parenting advice, that's being a bitch and vulgarity is the only appropriate answer.

No slightly about it. The fact that you were actually considering missing your best friend's wedding because of her behaviour is very telling.
But you went and had a great time! May that be the first of many and a turning point on your parenting journey.