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Parenting

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Original poster

When is a good time to have a third child?

30 replies

Yassnass134 · 11/08/2025 13:43

I don't know why this is on the forefront of my mind but I've been thinking about having a third lately.

I have a 3yo and 2yo. They are very close and are genuinely best friends. I feel like I have finally gotten some space to focus on me now .

I am thinking about having a third but I am so confused as to when a good time would be. I am 30 and am currently working 30 hours a week. I was thinking about waiting til the older two were in school. They demand so much of my energy I can't imagine having 3 at home together all the time.

Any advice is welcome. Anyone who wants to tell me to stop at 2 is also welcome!

OP posts:

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MissHollysDolly · 11/08/2025 13:54

If you wait too long you’d be better off having four. Now would be good - less of a gap.

Motherdoodle · 11/08/2025 13:58

I agree! Time it (as far as possible) so that the eldest is headed off to school but you've still got one at home.

wandawaves · 11/08/2025 14:23

Never! 3 is such hard work.

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cherrytree12345 · 11/08/2025 15:23

Yes stop now, irrespective of your personal circumstances the world is over populated.

Dyra · 11/08/2025 19:37

Between weekends and school holidays you'd be having your elder two with you a lot of the time anyway. And despite what our past selves might think, the school day really isn't that long.....

I used to want a third. My two (nearly 6 and 3.5) used to be best friends, but with the frequent seats and bickering I'd probably describe them as best frenemies. Plus after the shock to the system that was baby/early toddler DC2 I'm not sure my mental health would survive a second round of a similar child. Once both mine are in school, I have plans to retrain and improve my career, which I'm really quite looking forward to.

Don't get me wrong, if my husband changed his stance on sticking with two, my own biological alarm clock would have me ripping out my own implant shortly before jumping him. But I would definitely have regrets. A new car would be needed. The house is barely big enough for the 4 of us as it is. And for a small house there's a hell of a lot of mess generated.

Ofc if none of that is relevant to you, then go ahead. But tbh I would wait until your eldest is in school, and your second going next year.

DoingItForTheKids25 · 12/08/2025 00:34

wandawaves · 11/08/2025 14:23

Never! 3 is such hard work.

This

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 12/08/2025 03:38

You only have two hands.

cheesycheesy · 12/08/2025 03:52

Seems a shame to mess with the lovely dynamic you have now. Threes a crowd and all that

Springadorable · 12/08/2025 06:32

With three someone is always left out and upset. It also creates too much competition between the kids as they are trying to win over one sibling to team up against the other. The age gap is already too big. I think you'd be doing this only for you but it wouldn't enhance the lives of your existing kids or be an easy existence for your third. What could a third bring that your current two don't?

Limonades · 12/08/2025 06:38

Never!

Two is perfect, and much easier than three - one parent per child, cars fit four people, restaurant tables, hotel rooms, etc

pincklop · 12/08/2025 06:42

If you got pregnant tomorrow the older one will be in school before long so not like you’d have 3 babies. The longer you wait though the better the next step is and you will love the kids growing up, then suddenly a new baby will destroy all that. If you want to go back to the pregnant and baby stage of crying and night feeds do it now before they get any older it’s a distant memory you never want to relive 😂

pandagirl93 · 12/08/2025 06:45

I have 3. Mine are 7, 4 and 6 months. We debated a third for a long time hence the age gap. I wouldn’t change it for the world though. Some days are difficult and 3 seems a lot, but my older two adore their youngest sibling and now she’s 6 months I’ve really found my feet with managing all 3. Newborn stage was tricky, but with the other two being older they were more understanding of why Mummy couldn’t do something the second they asked! Not everyone agrees with the age gap between my 3 though, which is understandable.
I feel going from 2-3 is a much bigger commitment though, in terms of house/car. Luckily we were already in a house suitable, but we did have to change our car which is a large expense as trying to find something to fit 3 car seats is harder than you might think! Simple things like buying new clothes/christmas/birthdays all adds up to. Especially if you accidentally birth two of them on the same day like I did 🤣

TheaBrandt1 · 12/08/2025 06:49

So many people agonise about a third when their kids this age must be hormonal. Honestly I wouldn’t. Life is hard enough. Plus we are over populated as it is.

So often Dh and I say thank god we stopped at 2 and ours are lovely, Life is tougher now you will want to help with university/ housing 3 spreads everything too thinly. Unless you are massively wealthy of course.

curious79 · 12/08/2025 06:55

It all depends on your circumstances, your patience, no3’s personality /health etc etc
who knows how a 3rd will go for you - but once they’re there you won’t imagine life without them.

curious79 · 12/08/2025 06:55

It all depends on your circumstances, your patience, no3’s personality /health etc etc
who knows how a 3rd will go for you - but once they’re there you won’t imagine life without them.

RosesAndHellebores · 12/08/2025 06:58

We aren't overpopulated in the UK there aren't enough young people.to sustain the number of elderly people and the ratios have fallen worryingly low.

It depends whether you can afford it op. If you have three 30 hours pw at work migh no longer be viable. Can you afford to reduce your hours or hire help if necessary?

We struggled to have two, the plan had been three or four. DD arrived when I was 38. We hummed and haa'd a bit, I wanted another but wasn't sure I could cope emotionally with another miscarriage, or two. Then my father became terminally ill and I was 41.

I wish I'd had the courage. It's my only regret in my 65 years.

TartanCulshie · 12/08/2025 07:08

Three was a bit unexpected. He landed when others just turned 5 and 3. They were, and still are, thick as thieves. Bit now they have a wee one to mind/ dote over.

Agree it took a few months to get used to them all 😂. But it meant one at school, one at preschool and one at home.

I love being a family of 3 kids and wouldn't change it. It's hard, but worth it.

user1476613140 · 12/08/2025 07:29

I had four as three is an odd number...make of that what you will🤣

NuffSaidSam · 12/08/2025 07:32

I'd start trying now/in a few months so that when the baby is born the older two will be at school and nursery, but the age gap isn't too big.

user1476613140 · 12/08/2025 07:32

I wanted my dining room table full at Christmas so now all seats are taken with my four DC, DH and myself. It's brilliant. Has had it's challenges at times, don't get me wrong. But wouldn't change it.

Anxioustealady · 12/08/2025 07:43

OP can you afford a bigger car and house? If so as the 3rd child (my siblings are closer in age and then when the middle one was 4 they had me) I'd say go for it. My siblings and I get on really well. People talk about holidays/hotel rooms but what is that compared to a whole child's life?

You having a 3rd won't tip the earth into overpopulation so don't worry about that.

AuntieHistamine · 12/08/2025 08:00

I have 18 months between my first two then 3.4 years between the second and third. First two are also best friends and completely inseparable. I also worried about having a larger gap and my youngest being left out, especially as she is a girl and the older ones are boys but it hasn’t been that way at all, they absolutely adore her and she adores them. Little one is 3 now and they all play together all the time. I don’t recognise what other posters have said about always one left out. I am also a middle one of 3 and I don’t remember any of us feeling left out either so it’s not always the case.

ohfook · 12/08/2025 08:31

I’ve got a fairly large age gap - almost 7 years between my second and third and while I wouldn’t have planned it that way, I absolutely love it. It seems to have removed the competition element from the dynamic and it’s been lovely seeing my older two become such caring siblings. Im also finding that I get plenty of time for 1:1 time with the older two because they stay up much later now than the youngest. I wouldn’t change it now (both the number of kids and the age gap between them all) for the world.

january1244 · 12/08/2025 08:52

I have a three year old and one year old, and also wondering about a third. Although my partner is really not keen on this idea, and thinks it’s much better to stick with two, for some of the reasons mentioned above- time for the all, money, ability to help them later with uni and house deposits etc. No advice, just placemarking to see others advice.

Unsure4589 · 12/08/2025 09:07

I would’ve had four. Like PP I like the idea of a very full (adult) table at Christmas. 🥰 Then I had one, and now I have two. A third would have to be a monumental fuck up on me and DPs behalf. Plus my ancient body couldn’t cope with it and I would feel incredibly guilty about diluting my time with the first two even further. Massively guilty also about climate change. I already feel pretty sheepish about that having kids at all right now.

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