Feel like an awful mum

[Annon7890]

I feel like such an awful mum, I’m so horrible, I’m a single parent with 2 children age 9 and 11 and I’ve come away with the kids for a week in a caravan it’s the first day and they have been a nightmare all
day, not listening, arguing with each other, being silly and absolutely horrendous at bedtime only going to sleep at 12 o’clock, I have really shouted at them to the point where I got really frustrated and upset and cried and told them they have both made me really sad and I feel like going home because of their behaviour, I told them how tired I was after a long day and they aren’t listening and have gone too far and they are ruining the holiday, they are both asleep now but I feel like the worst mum in the world and everyone on the caravan site probably thinks it too because they will have probably heard me shouting for the last 45 minutes at the kids to go to sleep, I have apologised to them both but I just feel so horrendous now, I feel like I have spoilt the whole holiday that they were really looking forward too

Things will look better in the morning.

@Annon7890 you are human.

It's not really great to lose the plot when you are the adult, it does require a modicum of emotional control, your children rely on you for stability.

Tomorrow is another day, try again, harder?

First of, well you’ve recognised it wasn’t the best moment but you can only do better next time. It’s bloody hard being a solo parent and hard when the kids don’t seem to appreciate it (and as kids, they won’t as they’re too young).
as it is a holiday, you may need to shift your mindset a bit. The routine does go out the window, they may be a bit unsettled because it’s exciting and it’s not home. Don’t worry about “making memories” or any of that social media crap. Just keep it low key and relax into it. Take shortcuts, just make sure they’re fed and don’t worry too much about it.

I hope the weather is good and you can enjoy the good moments when they come, and don’t dwell on the bad moments for any longer than necessary.

Thanks so much for your replies, i will definitely make sure we have better day tomorrow, i just feel so upset with myself for being like that with them, I’ve got a lot going on at the minute and I think it’s all just got on top of me but that’s no excuse and I just feel so terrible because I’ve really let them down and I am ment to be the adult

Awful parents don’t feel bad when they have a lot going on and don’t parent the way they wish they did all the time.
Give yourself a break. Being a parent is hard. Being a single parent is bloody hard!

I wouldn’t apologise, you’ve made a huge effort and they weren’t being respectful of that. Hopefully they feel a bit bad and behave better tomorrow. It’s not like you called them names and slapped them about. Fresh start in the morning!

Holidays give everyone their own high expectations about what it's going to be like but actually it's a bit gruelling to get to that first night.
You've done well to get there in one piece, hope tomorrow will be better!

I’m sure she tried plenty hard enough and doesn’t need you laying on the guilt so thick. She clearly feels bad as it is and being a single mum to two bickering kids can’t be easy in the least.

OP don’t feel bad. It’s easy to think holidays will be amazing and then you get there and sometimes it’s just not! Hopefully they won’t be such a PITA tomorrow!

Don’t feel bad op. It sounds rough.
In the morning, have a conversation about everyone trying to get on with each other and focus on having fun on the holiday. Ask them what things they’d like to do here, write some ideas down, ask what would help to make things fun and all of you agree to being less irritable.

@LeopardPants

"I’m sure she tried plenty hard enough and doesn’t need you laying on the guilt so thick"

It's not guilt, it's that @Annon7890 is an adult.

Who said having children is easy, it most definitely is not but as adults we have the emotional capacity to recognise when we're having a rubbish day.

Children don't understand that Mum is stressed because they've been wee buggers and it's affected her.

They think, "she's cross" "she's shouting'" "she doesn't love us" they are only little and adults need to be grown-up and mindful, don't you think?

This. I doubt there's anyone on here who hasn't had an equally bad parenting day at some point.

Nope, no judgement here.

I have preteens and bedtime has been a fucking riot for years. In fact one of mine is still up just now. Just clattering around.

Most of the time I just leave them to it but some nights? Some nights it’s just too much. I’m tired. I need my space and time. I want time with my husband. I don’t want them bickering upstairs at midnight.

it’s hard. But it’ll be better in the morning x

Start afresh tomorrow

Plenty of outdoor time. Stick to a loose schedule.

Bedtime is the same as it is at home... So 8pm for kids that age. Five mins reading in bed.

Say it, and mean it. They'll enjoy their holiday more if they're not exhausted.

Ahh it's hard isn't it, been there and done this a few times myself, think nearly every mum has to be fair. The very fact you're feeling bad about it shows you aren't a bad mum. It's been a long day, you were all tired, not in familiar surroundings etc, tomorrow will be a better day id think. Don't beat yourself up anymore, get some sleep instead.

They sound like they've been right pains in the proverbial. They're old enough to know better and hopefully you shouting, although not ideal, means that they now know there's a limit to what you will tolerate. Don't beat yourself up, it's not like you've made them sleep outside in the rain or anything 😂.

You'd be a worse parent if you took their crap without making a fuss so they thought it was ok to behave like this. They deserve to know they're ruining the holiday.

At least they're asleep now so you can get some rest yourself. Try to wake up tomorrow and be bright and breezy, but make it clear to them that whining, bickering and not listening will not be tolerated and they may find that they have to go without certain treats or other things they were expecting if they can't manage to behave in a way that doesn't make you want to stick them in a soundproof bubble and seal them in.

At 9 and 11 they are more than capable of understanding, I would say what you're saying applies more to a 1 year old..

because @Annon7890 was frustrated, it's ok to vent that on her children?

Not in my world 🤷🏼

Personally I think 9 and 11yos are capable of recognising when they're being annoying little toads who would try the patience of a saint, without thinking that their parents don't love them.

and it's therefore ok for their Mum to retaliate by losing control?

It happens and it's not the end of the world. It's useful for kids to know they've gone too far.

No, you’re not at all. At these ages they should know how to behave themselves and understand when they need to settle down to sleep. Don’t blame yourself, many mums (me included) would have really shouted and reacted emotionally at this time of night when all you’ve been trying to do is make sure they have a lovely holiday and they have completely taken the mick! If they carry on like this going forward I would take them straight home. You are allowed to enjoy a holiday too and they don’t get to behave like this when you’re actively trying to give them a lovely experience. Stand your ground and if they carry on, take them home making it clear that it’s the result of their behaviour.

in a one off possibly.

"It's useful for kids to know they've gone too far"

By losing control as an adult, to whom?

Completely agree wit this. The kids are at an age where they can understand the impact of their actions on others. Their behaviour was poor and your emotions were not an over reaction to their behaviour. Hopefully they will behave better tomorrow!

Tbh OP i dont think you should have apologised - you pretty much handed back the power to them. They need to learn that poor behaviour has negative consequences. So what if you got angry? Hopefully they'll remember not to push your buttons next time.

I'd also ignore the holier-than-thou brigade proclaiming to never lose their cool at their children - guaranteed their little angels are absolute nightmares at school.

Thanks so much for all your replies I really appreciate it, we have all woke up in a much better mood today and I have spoke to the kids and explained that the reason why I was shouting and upset, they have both apologised and hopefully we will have a lovely rest of the holiday