What's a 5 year age gap like between kids?

[Sprockergirl]

After years of saying we were one and done, DH and I are thinking we'd like to have another baby. DD is almost 4 so we would be looking at around 5 year age gap.

DH is concerned it's too big and they won't be into the same things so it'll make life really hard for us. I'm not so sure, I've got friends with similar or bigger gaps between their kids and they seem fine.

Could anyone with this gap share what it's like please? Tia!

I have 2 boys (23 and 18) and the 5 year gap works perfectly. DS1 had just started school so it made life easy when DS2 was born. DS1 would often help with DS2 when he was growing up. I have some lovely photos of them together.

There has never been an issue here with the age gap and quite often DH and I say it’s the best thing that’s happened.

As the boys have they have grown up, yes they have had different interests and still do , but the gap has never bothered them either and they still often talk to each other on Snapchat.

There are pros and cons tbh. Big pro was it made the baby stage easy because oldest was pretty independent (feed themselves, go to the loo on their own) and could even help eg grab some wipes. Also, oldest was sleeping through the night, so only had to worry about the baby waking. Also, we didn't experience any jealousy really and I think that was because I could still connect with my oldest on a verbal level eg be holding the baby, but focusing on them by chatting to them and showing interest in what they were doing.

Getting a bit older, the other pro has been the older child being helpful and being another pair of eyes and ears. Not in a parenting sense, because that's not their responsibility, but they just naturally seem to look out for the younger one and that has been a positive.

Main con is finding something they both like doing or watching. Different interests given their different ages. It is usually a compromise or turn taking or dh and I splitting and taking one child one place and another child somewhere else. But they do play with and entertain each other at home - I think because they're each others only play option, they make the best of it. Somehow they find something activity or game they can both do.

As my oldest gets older and more independent, I quite like having a younger one to still be giving me lots of cuddles and 'need me', it's helping distract me from my older one being 'too big' to hold my hand or give me public hugs any more!

Overall it's been a good age gap and I wouldn't deter someone from having another because of some of the cons. No age gap is perfect. I say go for it!!

I have 3 siblings. Ive always been closest to DB 5 years older - ds 3 years younger and I have never been able to do more than tolerate each other at best.

There’s 4 years and almost 2 months between my two kids (although with where their birthdays fell it was a 5 year difference at school). As a PP has said it was great when younger as the elder one was able to keep herself entertained when I was doing baby stuff and was a great help at fetching things if needed etc.

There was a little period of the elder being annoyed by the younger when they were sort of around 10 and 6 for a year or two but more just “annoying little sister” type stuff. I’m 2 years older than my brother and had the same thing so can definitely happen with any gap.

My kids are 21 and 17 now and they’re honestly like the best of friends. They’re into a lot of the same things and get on so well. They go to the movies or comic cons together and they’re so alike I’ve actually been asked a few times if they’re twins.

There is a four and a half year age gap between my two. I love it, they are really close. My elder (boy) is very protective and nurturing towards his little sister. Now they are eight and four and they play together more than you might think. It's been a huge boost to both their lives. They both still love a playground and imaginative play.

We have a 6y gap and there’s pro and cons which @Aria2015explained well. It’s really quite hard though as this summer holiday was tough. There’s wasn’t a single thing I could do that suited both - a 9 and 3 yo and someone was unhappy.

Also my two are a boy and girl so they have very different interests. They get along well but it’s very tough. They will be in single sex schools, DS will probably leave to uni when my dd will just be starting secondary school. So I’m not sure they would even grow together in the later years.

I was really worried about our 5 yr gap as it wasn’t planned ans actually it’s the best thing to have happened! My DD started school which has meant I’ve had lots of lovely 1:1 time with the baby. My DD is able to entertain herself and is relatively independent and understands that sometimes I have to sort the baby first. She is completely besotted with her baby brother. The con, is at this current stage I really miss our 1:1 time with my big girl (baby is 6m and bf). But the baby has slotted in beautifully, and the school run has given us a nice routine.

I think it creates a cute ‘that’s my baby bro/sis’ dynamic. Sometimes having the clear cut role of older versus younger helps make things less competitive I believe. So for example, major milestones/turning points in life might happen far enough apart that they can celebrate each other rather than feel threatened or competitive. Of course it’s not always this clear cut, but that’s how I generally see it.

I have 5 years between me and my sibling. We weren’t close to well into adulthood. I know that when I was having mine ine of the things I tried to avoid was a big gap like this.

To be honest, from my experience, an absolute nightmare for both myself and a close friend I have. My children who have small gaps (2 years) bickered when little such as 2 and 4 but then as they grew they learnt to play well together. My other children with the big age gaps (10 years +) again got on well with their younger siblings as they seem to enjoy the ‘extra parent’ type role.
The three with 5 year gaps, nightmare as they’re too far apart to be into similar games / toys but not far enough apart to have no jealousy and seem to spend majority of their time fighting or arguing.

Yep Thats pretty much sums up how it was for us growing up.

Thank you for the comments. A bit mixed I suppose like anything.

Dh is super close to his brother (less than 2 years between them) and they did absolutely everything together growing up so I can see understand why he seeings 5 years being too big. We would never be able to replicate that. Whereas there is 2.5 years between me and my sister and we've never been close. Just used to bicker really. So a different dynamic appeals to me.

Five and a half between my boys and I think the pros outweigh the cons.

It can be difficult to find activities they both enjoy, but my eldest is usually pretty easy going and happy to join in even if he’s not particularly interested, such as at a soft play.

A bit more than 5 years in between mine. Was never an issue. It was a variety of circumstances, each was told we hoped for a sibling, they were all on board.. doing different things was never an issue. We went riding as a family and did everything else together. Boys shared a room, youngest babysat for older ones did, lived with him for a couple of years as adults. I can only remember one row between them. Second marriage,9 years gap. Again no issues,dgs born the following year, they grew up like siblings.. they are dd 54,ds 47, ds 42, and DD 33. She has 14,ds,15dd,close when young,hate each other now, don't want to be in the same room. DD 2 that they absolutely adore.

In my opinion it really comes down to the children!
I will have a 5 year age gap, due in September so don't know how it will turn out just yet.
I have an almost 4 and 7 year age gaps between me and my siblings and they have an 11 year gap between them. I struggled with my little sister until we were adults as we were sometimes in the same life period and then not. We got on when we were in the same life period and when we clearly weren't but the transition periods were particularly hard. I've always been close with my older sister. As adults we are all really close.
My partner and his brother are just under 3 years apart and have never ever played together. They are completely different personalities and have clashed since my partner the youngest was toddlerish age. They don't really talk now.
My dad is one of 5 and has 2-21 year age gaps. The only one he doesn't speak to is the 2 year gap but speaks daily with the 5 years age gap and is close with the 7 and 21 year age gaps.
My friends with small gaps have had issues with different interests and not sharing/ playing nicely because of their personalities.

My sister is 4.5 years older than me. We have always and continue to have the best relationship. My sister is the only friend I will ever really need.

I love it, wanted a closer age gap but life had other plans. So glad it worked out this way, it's a great age gap for us.

I’ve got a 5 year age gap between our youngest and next child up, she’s only a year but so far so good, her older siblings all adore her and I’ve enjoyed having time at home with her while the others are at school. Plus been nice to have the routine of the school runs. I’ve got 4 year gap between the next 2 up and were similar advantages (until the pandemic) they do play together a lot but more friction than my others who just had a 2 year gap and while my 6 year old is keen to go to the park, the 10 year old grumbles about it (but then they usually play together when they get there) I’m nervous as to what a 5 year gap will be like as the youngest gets older but seems to be ok with friends who have that gap. I think the ideal gap all round is probably about 3 years

There was four and half years between my brother and me. The gap was far too big and we had no relationship until I was around 18 and he was 14.

Less than 3 years between my sibling and me. We got on great as kids. As adults we hate eachother. Too much jealousy and competition because we are a similar age and in a way too close to eachother. I wish I had a sibling with a bigger age gap and I always said I wouldn't have 2 children close together. So this thread is interesting.

It’s not a “big” age gap at all. There’s nearly six years between my two and apart from a few years (10 and 15 are very different!), it’s been fabulous.
They are very close now again and are each other’s fiercest admirers and defenders.

There's 5.5 years between my two boys. They were very close until DS1 went to secondary school. They are now 14 and 9 and don't have much in common, they have very different interests and are at very different stages of life.

DS2 idolises his older brother, but never stops talking and bouncing around. DS1 is a typical moody teenager, sleeps a lot and I think he finds DS2 exhausting. They will defend each other against anyone else though and we can trust them at home together if we pop to Tesco and they don't want to come.

I'm an only child and always wanted more than one child. I hope they will always have each other, and will become closer as they get older.

DH and his sister are 11 months apart and have nothing in common, rarely speak/text and see each other once a year at most, despite only living 15 miles apart.

I guess it depends on the personalities of the children and the environment they have grown up in.

4.5 years age gap between my boys and it's been brilliant. The eldest having just started school when I had the youngest worked out really well and it's still good at 9 and 14. The last couple of years have been a little harder as the eldest has finally grown out of soft play etc. But other than that, I have seen no downsides and they have never argued. The little one looks up to his big brother so much and they still play stuff together.

My grandsons have a five year gap and it is perfect.

5.5 years here and doing good. I absolutely see the pros in a small gap, in terms of getting sleepless nights, potty training, nursery and school runs out the way. Similar interests for family days out etc. But it's been lovely here, seeing my older child turn into a big sibling has taught them so much. We still prioritise 1 on 1 time with each child and there are compromises with activities but I love each stage. There's no competition between the two and they have a beautiful bond. Don't regrets it for a second.