How do you handle late-night phone use? My daughter never puts it down.

[Annimoore]

My 15-year-old daughter is always on her phone late at night and it's really affecting her sleep. I've tried setting some rules but it always turns into a fight.
I also worry about what she's doing online and just want to make sure she doesn’t end up involved in anything unsafe or inappropriate.
Would love to know how others are dealing with this kind of situation.

No phones in bedroom overnight seems obvious.

Phones out of bedrooms until they were a bit older.

Phones are removed and kept downstairs to charge overnight from 9pm.

Random checks are part of paying for the phone.

you have to fight the fight. Be consistent and stick to the rules no matter how much they push back - and if they do, then there’s consequences for poor behaviour.

Yep. I’ve got two dc - one aged 22 and one aged 13 - and right up till around the eldest started sixth form we had a rule all gadgets had to be plugged in downstairs from 11.30, which is late enough for anyone.

No phones upstairs after 9pm. Screen time cut offs including Spotify and messaging apps at 10pm. Keep them busy with hobbies so the phone isn't the first thing they reach for.

When they were older but still at school we had wifi go off at 11pm. They had limited data. It was a constant battle. Phones are so addictive

My 15yo's phone/ tech does not go in his bedroom after 11pm. If DH and I are in bed before then, he has to leave it all inside our bedroom door. If he goes through a patch of failing to comply with this, I take all his tech to bed with me when I go up- which can be as early as 8.30pm in term time, so that is worse for him.

Phone charges in hallway overnight. Used to be 10pm. However, it's 10.30pm during the holidays.

No phones in the bedroom overnight.

Lock it via your parental control app (Google Family Link is the android one - not sure about Apple). I lock my DC's phone between certain hours. I change this depending on whether it's school time or not.

Doesn't matter if it kicks off into a fight,don't argue back just lay down the rules and that phone is yours as presumably she's not paying the bill.

Turn off Wi-Fi after a certain time. Phones elsewhere? Think there needs to be an element of consensus/understanding by 15 though - does she understand the negative impact?

My 15yo doesn't know where his phone is half the time. We get really annoyed when we need to call him and he forgets his phone or just doesn't answer the thing! Have opposite problem but he does spend a lot of time on XBOX.

We have parent controls and the phone goes off at 9.3.

We also have to approve any app downloads, and his age is his actual age so some apps won't work. A lot of people put in a false older age. We check the phone regularly.

I would say, despite this, my son was still the victim of someone who used a school WhatsApp group to groom people towards self harm, and even though we regularly checked, we missed it. The police were involved.

I think whether phone or console overuse you need to cut WiFi connection by a set time each evening. It's the only way until they learn. We have been doing this for years if they don't listen...

We have a no phones overnight until you’ve finished your GCSE rule. Admittedly harder to introduce at this stage.

Phones are plugged into charge before bedtime outside their bedrooms. They’ve never had their phones at nighttime. I know some of their friends do and I just think it’s such a stupid thing to allow a teenager to do.

DS18 has his phone all night but we can't do much about that as he's an adult. 15yo doesn't use his phone much. Younger two use cheap android phones in the house to play games under supervision. They don't have SIMs.

No phone in her room and controls so it automatically switches off at a certain time. Why is a 15 year old allowed unrestricted access to a phone?

I wanted to add that whilst you should and must put controls in place. You need to make sure they have the tools to understand all the different risks and what to do about them. So just talk about who she can approach etc, how to report issues, red flags, main risks.

Its only because we and my sons school had done that, that my son and one friend on the WhatsApp group went to the pastoral team with the messages and how uncomfortable they were feeling. They had been given the tools to spot and deal with issues

There is loads of short online videos for you, to start the conversation.

Controls are great, but having been there, its really not enough unless you are with your child the whole time watching all thier use and understand all the emoji, slang etc.

All phones charged downstairs at night until dd was 18 and went to college. No phones in bedrooms - and that includes us parents. Works best if the rule is for everyone. We all have alarm clocks.

There's a more nuanced answer than just no phone at night, speaking as a secondary safeguarding lead.

What is your relationship like with your daughter @Annimoore? Because that attachment bond is key here.

Yes, you need to start establishing limits and monitoring of phone use with teens, but getting this to happen without a fight is the first step, then working on doing it without resentment and bitterness is important - because if you don't work on that, you'll just end up encouraging secrecy from your teen.

What you want is openness. The gold standard is a teen who can self-regulate their online persona.

How do you teach a teen to use a critical mind and recognise when online content might be harmful - faked, doom scrolling, echo-chamber, and so on? That starts with connection with your child. Talk about what they do online non-judgementally, all the time. Aim to be interested in what they are doing, rather than judgemental of it.

In terms of screen time - again, it comes down to being able to talk to your teen on their level, rather than talking down and dictating. It's OK for teenagers to sleep in if they don't need to be up in the morning, but what about when they do? Your 15yo will be able to work out that they'll feel rubbish going to sleep at 3am if they have to be up at 7am. So how could you help them to feel less rubbish? The regulation can come from the teen, it just ususlly needs some parental prodding and guiding to get there.

However, that all comes with recognising that - if teen has no reason to be up the next day, what harm is phone use doing? You need to be ready to answer that because "because its unhealthy" or "because I say so" will get you no where. Would you have no issue with 4h of daytime phone use but big issues with 4h of nighttime phone use, with no other rationale than time? Because that's illogical and a "because I say so" answer. You need to go further underneath and that may create questions about your own general parenting.

While I did not have any issues with late night phone use with my son, I have been in a similar situation when it came to phone use during school hours. Like you said, enforcing rules when a child is hell bent to not listen is a lost cause. My friend came to my rescue to be honest by recommending Xnspy. It is a child monitoring app that allowed me to lock/unlock his phone before/after school hours. But since my son needed some apps during school time, I just used to block social media apps and unblock them once he was done with his school and homework. But do not let it prolong. Something as temporary as a fixation with a new app can have devastating results if not addressed immediately. Good Luck😊

I use "Family Link". Every year I amend their dates of birth so I can still set when the phone is locked/unlocked. So the app thinks my 15yo is 12. Those GCSEs aren't going to pass themselves! I make no secret of this btw.

Alert : we have a first answer nails it situation!