Do you ever just know something’s off when you take your kid somewhere?

[bluetulip33]

Bit of a weird one, but I’ve had a few moments lately where I’ve taken my kid somewhere - soft play, school event, friend’s house and something just didn’t feel right.

Nothing major happened. Just a vibe I got and also my child acted different. Like wouldn’t go in, got clingy, suddenly wild, or just… off.
Other times it was the people - someone giving weird energy, weirdo in the park/bus? Someone being too intense, or just lingering a bit too long?!

It’s made me realise how often we brush that off or talk ourselves out of it.

So I’m wondering - has anyone else had that gut feeling that something wasn’t right?

Where were you?

What felt off?

Did you leave? Stay and regret it?

Or ignore it and tell yourself it was nothing?

Were your instincts actually right?

I feel like we don’t talk about this enough about those Mama bear intuition/gut feeling that might actually mean something.

Do you mean a vibe from people? Like bad vibe from other Mums/parents? Or bad vibe from a person out of place, inappropriately staring at your child and/or you? The latter would worry me immensely and I’d listen to my senses.

If nothing actually happened then I would consider that it was just an overactive imagination. You don't get 'vibes' before bad things happen. I have been burgled, been in a car crash and had a broken bone - no weird feeling or premonition just a sudden shock.

Yes - definitely both.

Sometimes it’s just a weird energy from another parent or a group. Like tension, coldness, or that unspoken “something’s not quite right here” feeling. Other times it’s much more specific, like someone hovering too long, watching too closely, or just not fitting in with the setting in a way that puts me on edge.

I agree - that second type (someone out of place or inappropriately focused on the kids) really makes me hyper-alert. But I’ve also had that lower-level discomfort where I still can’t explain it, but my whole body wants to leave.

I’m starting to realise how many different ways that instinct shows up and how easy it is to second-guess it.

Not about someone's home but I got a really odd feeling about a mum who started coming to a toddler group I used to go to years ago when my (now late teen /20s) kids were little.

I couldn't shake the feeling and was really cautious around her. I didn't feel like I should tell her where I lived or anything about me. I was polite but distant with her.

She became friendly with a few of the other mums and all seemed OK until about 6 months in when she went absolutely crazy. Started following the other mums, sending weird letters that everyone thought (but couldn't prove) were from her. She would turn up at their kid's nurseries (that she had no connection with) and say she was worried about the children. She accused at least three mums of having affairs with her husband (one was the vicar's wife!) and she would regularly stand outside their houses and just watch them

It was absolutely crazy. I moved away after about a year and it was still going on. The police were involved in the end.

I do think some people give off vibes and I have never been more grateful that I trusted my gut on her.

I totally get that and I think that’s the key difference really. Some situations are sudden, out-of-nowhere events where there’s no warning at all (like a crash or a break-in), and that makes complete sense. But I think what I’m talking about is more the social or environmental kind of gut feeling - like when you walk into a space and something just feels “off,” or someone’s behaviour makes you subtly uncomfortable, even if they’re not doing anything outright wrong. Nothing dramatic, just enough to make your body go tense or make you watch your child more closely. I think some people feel those things more than others and that’s totally okay too.

Wow! that gave me full-body chills. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’ve been thinking about… where something just feels wrong before there’s anything “official” to go on. You handled it so well and it must’ve been unsettling at the time, but honestly amazing that you listened to your gut and kept that boundary. Stories like this really make me realise how important that quiet instinct can be - even when no one else sees it at first.

Has anyone else had a moment like that, where your body clocked something long before things kicked off?

I changed nurseries with my DC1 after the second day because of a gut feeling. Best decision ever.

Have you read Gavin De Becker's works? I highly recommend them!

That’s amazing, honestly I love hearing stories like this where someone trusted that early gut feeling and it turned out to be the right move! It’s so easy to doubt ourselves or feel like we’re overreacting, especially when nothing obvious has happened yet.

And thank you for the Gavin de Becker recommendation - I’ve heard of The Gift of Fear but never actually read it. I think I might now!

At a party, a friend of SiL was going out with a old uni friend of DH's. I felt there something off about him as soon as I met him.
DH said it would be good to get together with them at some point. I said I wanted nothing to do with him as I didn't like him. DH thought I was mad as I spoke to him for about 30 seconds.

He go his GF pregnant, then said he wanted nothing to do with either her or the baby. Turns out he was married with children, and she was the OW, she has no idea. My gut was correct.

Wow,that’s such a strong example of that instant gut hit that just won’t shift, even when you’ve only spoken to someone briefly! It’s wild how often it’s dismissed at the time (especially by partners 😂) and then the truth comes out later and your body had clocked it from the start. It’s these quiet moments that stick with me! not because anything happened then, but because your body was right before the story unfolded.

I really wonder how many of us have had that 30-second “nope” moment that turned out to be spot on.

When we were 18 we used to go out every Thursday night for student night

My friends were just getting their driving licences so we would take in turns as designated driver

This one Thursday I had a really bad gut feeling and said I wasn't going.. I never bailed on a night out so my friends spent a long time trying to get me out

I stuck to my guns and said no

The next day my friend rang me and said designated driver had rolled the car on the way home with 4 of them inside

Thankfully no one was hurt but I just had this feeling that if I had gone it would have been me that had died

I never ignore my instincts

Oh, do read him: he writes literally about this. His book "Protecting the gift" is specifically about parenting by always trusting your gut. (Warning: it has lots of, supposedly real, testimonies and some of them don't end well...).

I think you have gut theory for a reason. I keep telling my 16 year old dd if your gut tells you something listen. It is for a reason.

That honestly gave me goosebumps! It’s those kinds of moments that stay with you for life! where you don’t have a reason, you just know, and it turns out to be the exact right decision. I totally get that feeling of “if I’d gone, it would’ve been me.” I’ve had that same thought before and once you experience it, you can never un-trust your gut again. Thank you for sharing that 😊 it really shows how deep this instinct runs, even when we’re young and can’t explain it

My DH and I both felt very bad vibes on our DC's first settling in session at nursery. Something about the woman who would have been his key worker made my blood run cold.

It was such a strong feeling that we cancelled our contract and lost our deposit and were without childcare just as I was supposed to be starting a new job, which was a total nightmare. DH took unpaid time off work until we found another (lovely) nursery for DC.

The bad vibes nursery shut down within a year.

Thank you 😊 I will definitely read it now. It sounds like exactly the kind of thing I’ve been circling around in my head without realising someone had already written it all down. I’ve heard bits about Protecting the Gift before but didn’t realise it was so focused on gut instinct in parenting, that’s exactly the space I keep coming back to lately! I know some of the stories are tough, but I think that’s part of why it matters. So many of us feel something way before anything happens, and we’re constantly told to brush it off or be polite.

This is strikingly similar to my own experience.

That’s such a powerful example!! especially that you both felt it, and acted on it even though it caused a whole load of stress. That takes guts ❤️ So many people would’ve pushed those feelings aside for convenience or routine, but you trusted yourselves before anything went seriously wrong and that says a lot. It must’ve felt like a nightmare at the time, but the fact the nursery closed down within a year? Honestly gives me chills. I keep reading these stories and thinking how often we feel it first, even when we don’t have anything “concrete” to point at.

This is something I always struggle with. I never know what's gut instinct or just plain old anxiety. I have been out before and gotten bad vibes and suddenly became paranoid that something bad was about to happen, so far nothing has ever happened but I still get that feeling, definitely more so now that I have a baby. Suddenly everything feels more like a threat than before

I once had a feeling that I shouldn’t get onto my usual morning train to get to school when I was in my late teens. I begged my dad for a lift and after my first lesson, our local online newspaper had posted an article saying that the train (my train) had derailed. Everyone was okay but myself and my family were shocked.

I have always listened to my gut instinct. Even small things, and small feelings I don’t doubt. An example could even be when I was jogging and all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that I shouldn’t continue down this route and I really should go home. Now that I have my little girl, I actually think it’s heightened.

The Gavin de Becker book is great! I think he even has an episode on Oprah that’s on YouTube. It’s an interesting watch!

I totally relate to that!! it’s something I’ve wrestled with too and more so since having children. Is it anxiety? Is it gut instinct? I’ve got ADHD, so my brain is constantly scanning and honestly it can be hard to know if I’m sensing something real or if I’ve spiralled into hyper-alert mode. I’ve started learning to tell the difference (kind of!) for me, gut instinct feels quieter but really firm, like it just lands. Anxiety is louder and messier and makes me feel like I have to do something now. And yes, having a baby changes everything. You suddenly see the world through this extra-protective lens, and stuff you never thought about before now feels like a potential threat. I don’t think that’s irrational at all!! I think it’s your nervous system doing its job. I’m so glad you said this. I reckon loads of us feel the same but don’t talk about it xx

That’s incredible! I can’t imagine how surreal it must’ve felt seeing that headline after skipping your usual train. I think moments like that really stay with you, even if no one else quite gets why. And the jogging one too! Those quieter nudges that don’t always make logical sense, but something in you just knows. I’ve had a few like that recently and they’re hard to explain, but impossible to ignore. It feels stronger after having kids like your instinct gets dialled up now that you’re keeping someone else safe too. I’ll definitely look up that Oprah episode :) thank you for sharing this ❤️

Yes. When my eldest was about 10, I walked her to a dance class. We live in a really friendly village, everyone is so nice.
We were walking down the road and it was dark. It is a residential road, pretty quiet but houses close to the street so pretty safe.
At the end of the road, there was a white van. There were two men standing by it. I didn’t think much of it but as we got close, realised they were staring at us. Suddenly one said something to the other and they opened the sliding door in the side. Something in me just knew we were in danger. I pushed my daughter to my right so she wasn’t by the door.
Just then a car came round the corner and the men jumped inside the van and shut the door. I cannot describe the feeling I had though. Like a deep gutteral reaction. I was so worried the rest of the route.
I came home the long way!

I honestly believe they wanted to do us/my daughter harm. My spider senses definitely picked up on something.

It isn't actually incredible. It's just one of those instances like a stopped clock being right twice a day. The poster has probably had loads of instances where she had a fleeting gut feeling and absolutely nothing happened, but she hasn't remembered this because there was nothing memorable about them.

I once took my son to a park 20 mins away that everyone raved about. I went in the middle of the day when he was about 3 so hardly anyone about. This park had a play area for children plus an outside gym area, DS curious as ever wanted to go and play on the gym area, within seconds of moving to that area there were 4 men in there 30s on this gym equipment just sitting on there phones. I quickly moved back to the play area where a son & dad were playing and had to really plan my escape route to the car park. The men made my blood run cold and I’ve always wondered why they were there and would they have done anything if the son & dad weren’t on the park.

Thankfully I never found out but I’ve never been back to that park and don’t wish to return!