Do you ever just know something’s off when you take your kid somewhere?

[bluetulip33]

Bit of a weird one, but I’ve had a few moments lately where I’ve taken my kid somewhere - soft play, school event, friend’s house and something just didn’t feel right.

Nothing major happened. Just a vibe I got and also my child acted different. Like wouldn’t go in, got clingy, suddenly wild, or just… off.
Other times it was the people - someone giving weird energy, weirdo in the park/bus? Someone being too intense, or just lingering a bit too long?!

It’s made me realise how often we brush that off or talk ourselves out of it.

So I’m wondering - has anyone else had that gut feeling that something wasn’t right?

Where were you?

What felt off?

Did you leave? Stay and regret it?

Or ignore it and tell yourself it was nothing?

Were your instincts actually right?

I feel like we don’t talk about this enough about those Mama bear intuition/gut feeling that might actually mean something.

Oh my god!! that gave me such a physical reaction just reading it. I can’t imagine how terrifying that must’ve been in the moment, especially with your daughter right there. That “guttural” instinct is exactly what I’m talking about! your whole body knows before your brain catches up. And how you reacted so quickly, shielding her and changing your route, it’s amazing how our protective instinct kicks in without hesitation. I 100% believe you picked up on something real. It’s honestly terrifying how close that could’ve been. Thank you so much for sharing that, I really felt it xx

I got a very bad feeling about a guy who ran a local sports class attended by my children. He just kept complimenting the appearance of the toddler boys - going on and on about how one of them had such beautiful blue eyes, gorgeous hair etc. Nothing about the girls. It was one where parents were allowed to stay and observe the class so I just watched him like a hawk. But I withdrew them when he introduced full day holiday camps with no other adult assistants present and my kids kept pestering me to let them go.

That’s such a powerful example and it hits especially hard because nothing “official” happened, but your whole nervous system still kicked into protective mode! The fact you were already planning your escape route says it all. That’s instinct in action,not panic, not paranoia, just your body clocking something long before your brain has the words for it. What would’ve happened if no one else was around? And we’ll never know, thankfully. But your gut gave you a signal for a reason. Thank you for sharing that. It’s exactly this kind of story that reminds me how valid those feelings are, even when we can’t explain them!!

That gave me such a heavy feeling in my chest reading it as it hit close to home for me! it’s exactly the kind of subtle red flag people so often dismiss or can't see.That would’ve made my skin crawl too! You did absolutely the right thing, especially when he moved to running those solo holiday camps. That instinct to stay and observe, to watch quietly and then make a decision that protected them before anything “official” happened… that’s what this whole conversation is about. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️ I wonder if anything happened to him? Like arrested?

My father - who was quite mentally unwell and not a good parent in many ways - was very, very vigilant in protecting us from dodgy adults (male and female), when we were children. He also had a pretty good instinct about kids who were wrong’uns.

My mother always rolled her eyes and said he was making a fuss / being paranoid when he pulled us out of swim team or whatever - but he’d been raised in the Catholic Church, and at school he had regularly been stripped naked and caned (for such misdemeanours as being left-handed), so his gut feelings about predators and sadists were earned the hard way.

Though he was a very difficult parent, from whom we eventually ended up estranged, I remain grateful to him for passing on to us a vicarious sense of who to steer clear of.

Absolutely, places, people, situations always always trust your gut/intuition.

My DF Irish and catholic was like this, was regularly beaten by the priests mainly. They would get beaten for being hungry and begging for food. Him and his siblings lived off their instincts from the moment they understood them. My mother is a narc that I’m NC with, I know she had an abusive childhood. Neither parent allowed clubs, brownies, sleep overs, unexpected people in the house or babysitters. I don’t like my mother at all but like you I’m grateful for both their protection and education on life and trusting my instincts,

There's been a few times I've left places early or gone a different way due to that feeling, I'll never know if anything would have actually happened though!

Yes all the time

My daughter recently made friends with a girl in our neighborhood

Lots of red flags, but for the sake of my daughter we made the effort with this kid.

I took my daughter and the new friend to the swimming pool. This 'friend' proceeded to lose her shit for want of a better expression in the pool with this other child 😬, screaming, dunking this kid in the water 😱 the entire pool went quietbin shock. The poor child had scratches on her arm and was clearly really shook up because of it all.

We will phase out this child, she clearly has behavioral issues.

Blimey. Where on earth do you live?

I get what you mean but I think you can take it too far. A bad vibe to you might actually just be social awkwardness, or a bad day - maybe you arrived just after a disagreement or something.

So I think it’s good to listen to intuition but always try and rationalise it and consider that you might be over-thinking or anxious for some reason. Do a mini risk assessment in your head and then decide.

Sorry, just realized this thread ds more about the adults than children

You absolutely get vibes, it's called gut instinct

That’s a really hard spot to be in as a parent, especially when your child is excited about the friendship and you’re quietly clocking all these red flags. It’s so intense when your gut’s telling you “this isn’t right,” even when it’s another child and I know how tricky it can feel trying to phase things out gently without hurting your own child in the process. That pool moment sounds like your body just got confirmation of what it already knew. Thank you for sharing it,this is such an important side of the conversation too when it relates to other kids.

I completely agree that not every bad feeling means danger. Some people are just awkward, or the energy in a room can be off for all sorts of reasons that aren’t threatening. For me, this thread has been more about those moments where the feeling is persistent, or hits in a very specific way like that bodily “drop” where something deeper kicks in, even if your brain’s still playing catch-up. I love how you phrased it though a kind of internal risk assessment. That’s probably what most of us do on autopilot when something feels off! I think the hardest part is learning when to override the “be polite” voice and trust yourself even when you can’t explain why yet.

I have had this vibe before but if you are getting it frequently you may be over anxious and your DC may be picking up on it.

Thank you so much for sharing this as it’s such a complex and powerful story. I think it says a lot that even though your father had so many difficult traits, you still carry that gratitude for the protective instincts he passed on. There’s something so raw about the idea that his vigilance came from pain, but that it still served to keep you safer. I also really feel that tension you mentioned between someone being hyper-alert and others dismissing it as “paranoia.” So many of us are told to tone it down or not make a fuss, and yet often the people who feel it most strongly are the ones who’ve already seen what happens when no one speaks up. I’m really moved you added ththe because it adds a whole other dimension to this conversation about where instincts come from, and how they’re passed down! Usually trauma based xx

Take a look at Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.

I get where you’re coming from and to be fair, anxiety and gut instinct can definitely overlap sometimes. Especially as parents, we’re often hyper-aware and already stretched thin.
But I think what this thread has shown is that for a lot of us, these aren’t constant feelings, they’re those specific, memorable moments where something felt very different. A shift. A sudden clarity. And I actually think there’s value in acknowledging both things can be true as you can be anxious and still pick up on something real. And even if a child picks up on your hesitation, maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe it’s them learning to listen to their body too. Either way, I think we deserve the space to talk about these feelings openly, especially in a world that often tells us to brush them off.

Thanks @bluetulip33, it is difficult.

I'm still unsure of how to handle this going forwards: do I say 'you're never allowed to play with this child ever again'? Instead I've said what she did was dangerous etc, and there has been instances where this kid has been unkind, controlling etc.

I think my daughter actually realizes that this child is to be avoided, but she doesn't have a vast amount of friends so is kind of clutching at straws a bit. It's hard.

A few months ago at work,this bloke walked in
Perfectly polite,well mannered,well dressed and friendly
I couldnt stand to be anywhere near him-it was like he had a forcefield of evil around him
He ordered his food and went upstairs
I told my manager I wasn't going upstairs until he'd gone,I couldnt put my finger on what it was,but it was something
I was told not to be so silly and to get on with my job but I still refused to follow him upstairs
A colleague went upstairs instead of me and came down white faced
This man was a paedophile and had attacked her when she was much younger but she'd managed to get away and he'd done time for child abuse many times over the years
He'd come out,abuse another child,go back in,come out,abuse another child,go back in etc
He's out and much older now and there is no law to say he can't go near anywhere where there are likely to be kids
He gets his sick kicks by standing near schools,coming into Maccies and walking past parks at peak times
Fucking freak-id hang the bastard but the laws on his side

Another one was another bloke who would come in and he oozed evil
I avoided him best I could until he sexually abused me,in front of cctv and ran off
The police where worse than useless and didn't even have a word with him
About a year later I was walking to work and as I turned the corner,suddenly was feeling dizzy,faint and sick
Looked up and there he was,outside b&m smirking at me
I just walked away-if he'd tried to follow me I would have screamed the street down
Another one that needs it slicing off