What's it like to be a parent to 3 children or a child of 3?

[Martha200]

My DH and I before ds2 born (4mths ago!) swore we would stop at 2 children, but for some reason both of us caught ourselves the other day talking about a possibilty of having a 3rd, would it really be a big jump to adapt to?

I have passed on the newborn clothes to the charity shop, but somehow the moses basket is making its way to the loft, what is going on with us.. is it normal around when a baby hits this age to think about another (not for now but in a year or so?)

I am the eldest of 3, and always thought 2 would be the 'ideal' maybe because it's 7 and 9yrs difference between me and my siblings.. our initial concerns before these new thoughts were (1) finance, not for now but those uni years should children want to go (2) attention.. does the middle child feel left out in attention.. is it really hard to divide attention to 3 children?
(3) space...think the house is good enough for another little body to live in so that would be ok.

Am a little amazed that dh and I even had this conversation and want to hear what others have to say on the subject of 3 or being one of 3

DD3 is only 8 months old, but so far, it's wonderful. I love it. 3 for me was always going to be the number and best thing I ever did. So happy to have her here and she has completed our family circle. Would have been something always missing if she hadn't joined us.

I was the last of 3 so obviously it seems like a good idea to me . My bros are 6 and 8 years older than me and that was simply great... but they were perhaps particularly nice big brothers (and they had some jolly nice friends too )

dd3 just fitted in perfectly, even though she arrived a very stressful time of our lives. she is adorable, and her older sisters dote on her. i think there is something magical about having 3 girls, and am currently fretting about upsetting the magical quality by introducing dc#4 later this year.

I have ds1-7, ds2-5 and dd1-22 months. For me having 3 is like having a 'proper, complete' family (IMO), it feels complete but i have to say that it is hard work, its full on and is noisy and chaotic! I have been back at work (Part time) for nearly a year and it is bl**dy difficult keeping on top of things.

BUT - it is fab, tonight they were all together, wrestling and laughing with each other. I love having the 3 of them, its the best thing we did - and hopelfully things will get a bit easier!

Thomcat, mind if I ask what the age gaps are?

ds1 is 5 (so school days help ds2 4mths and if another I feel the gap will be considerably closer together.
I have a feeling we would take the what fate hands us approach.. that is if it happens so be it, if not then not (within a time frame)

still can't believe I am thinking like this.. had 2 caesareans, pnd ds1, anxiousness with ds2 for a few weeks, am I insane we do have a fab time as a family though that could extend easily to another person joining.

I have 3 DSs. I always wanted more than 2 and 3 was the compromise DH and I decided on (I am one of six). I like the idea of 3 but, TBH, I have found it very hard - harder than the jump from one to two - but I think that is partly because there is only a small gap (19m) between DS1 and 2 but 3.5 years between DS2 and 3 (I had a m/c and then took a year to conceive). Their needs are so different - although that is getting easier now that DS3 is up and running about and doesn't need constant feeding/carrying etc.

We have a 3 bedroomed house - fine for our needs
Number 2 son definitely doesn't lose out - if anything, we leave DS to his own devices more as the others need more help with things.

It is lovely - but hard work

I love it so far, ds2 (dc3) is nearly 5 months and he just fits it's like he was never not here but he is very, very chilled but I think third children have to be! Like TC says he completes our family and even though he wasn't planned as such he was definately meant to be.

IMO 3 is harder

all my children think i give the other child more of everything and that i like the others more - i frequently get " but you let jake do it" or " you always give stuff to Ez" yadda yadda tough shit.

no i dont think one gets left out - but my experience is that you have to be bloody loaded with 3 teenagers!

and working your job around their lives even at 15 is a stretch - 3x dentist, 3 x doctrs, 3 x "can i have today off becuse xxx is ill, 3 x school problems - i mean it goes on.

if finances aren't as fluid as they could be my advice would be to stick at 2

I have 3 DD's and its fab. I love it. If anything its dd1 who sometimes feels left out as she is nearly 17, while the other two are 2 and 15 weeks, but there is never a dull moment in our house. And dd1 loves her little sisters (except when she gets jumped on early in the morning by a very lively toddler) and is a fabulous extra pair of hands if needed!

Oh my god custardo - you are scaring me!

What ages are your DC's? (Seems it doesn't get easier as they get older???)

I only have one but plan to have 3. I was one of 3 and so was dh. It was great. The way I see it, even if one of the 3 is elsewhere or occupied, the other 2 still have someone to play with

I have roughly 2 year age gaps between my 3. I found it no different with 3 than with 2. But it depends on the baby. DD1 had colic, cried constantly and was difficult for me to deal with. The other two together were easier than her. It is hard, but no harder than two, especially if the eldest is in playschool and you get a bit of a break.

it's great

I was one of three and I also have 3 - my children are similarly spaced to myself and my siblings.

I love it and would not have it any other way. It is very expensive though - 3X shoes, 3X trainers, 3X football boots, 3X school uniform, 3X swimming lessons.....holidays tres expensive if flying, need big car.....

I don't find the attention thing an issue and my middle brother says he doesn't feel he had/has 'middle child syndrome'. All of mine get talked to on an individual basis, equal time is spent on their activities, homework, friends over etc.

It's chaotic and noisy in our house but I just couldn't stick to 2 - it's too 'normal' (although 3 is not that uncommon of course).

Oh, and it was actually pretty easy when they were small (at the start it was newborn, 21 month old, 3 yr old) - I think it's getting harder in a lot of ways as they get older - certainly more expensive and more time consuming to deal with their needs. They back chat of course, which you don't tend to get from toddlers. OTOH, watching them interact gets more and more interesting, and amusing, by the day. Mine are only 7, 5, 3 right now so I'm not an expert yet!

well i have an 18 yo an twins aged 15.

i know it sounds like i am stating the bleedin obvious - but in practical terms at some point i assume (i f you arnent already) going back to work.

its not impossible of course not - but give careful consideration tothe mundanity

teacher wants to see you after school about dc1

another teacher wants to see you about dc 2

the next week another teacher wants to see you - or you want to see them about dc3

meanwhile one of them needs to go to the doctors whilst the other one needs to revise for sats

yadda yadda - juggling 3 is harder IMO

Martha - don't mind at all!

DD1 is 6 yrs old. She has Down's syndrome is is at the development age of about 2-3 in many ways.

DD2 is 2 yrs old. Going on 22!

DD3 is 8 months.

So given DD1's development age, the fact all 3 are in nappies, need help getting dressed and to do pretty much everything still, they are pretty close in age.

It's pretty non-stop full-on but I love having 3 children.

I am the eldest of three and due my third boy in 4 months. We kind of thought we would stop at two.

I think your concerns are real - they are my concerns too - partly bron of having already had the experience of being one of three. That said, I put myself through uni and we got plenty of attention. We had a small house as children.

My mantra at the moment is 'it will be fine'.

I think custardo has a point, its hard work having 3 children. There is always something eg. Drs, dentist, one of them is ill or worse 2 or 3 of them are ill at same time. 3 x haircuts, 3x shoes, teacher wants to see you, pre school want to see you and so on BUT, life is never dull or quiet. DH would have liked another child but the leap between 3 and 4 would have meant bigger car, bigger house etc so we stopped at 3. DC3 just fitted in with the rest of the family and she makes the family complete.

well I love having 3 so far

but they are very young

and we don't have a car, we don't fly, there are a lot of things we don't do because we can't afford it.

Financially, its hard, mainly because its another few years of no income from me

oh uni -wise, I paid my own way (this was post grants)

to be perfectly honest, we will do what we can to help the kids through uni but I would be expecting them to get a job and so forth, as I had to (and I still got a first, btw, despite doing 20 hour weeks at work. I am not esp bright, but I was paying for uni myself and I bloody valued it, I wanted my £££ worth)

I come from a fairly not well off family and had to work from about 15 or so, basically for pocket money, but also for stuff like school trips. I don't have a vast amount of angst about making my kids do this to.

i wanted a fourth one for a whole year after my 3 were born! but i think something went wrong with my hormones.... anyway, it's never a dull moment with 3. and even with two they will fight for your attention, so one more makes no difference in that respect, IMO. it is harder work than 2, though, no doubt about it.

i found 3 no problem but 4 has been hard. i put this down to personality tho - ds3 is very chilled and easy going so no problem. ds4 is completely the opposite and i have little time for anything. it is getting easier now he has started walking but the first year was very difficult. this could have been the same with number 3 or number 2, its the luck of the draw what you get!

finance-wise you can compromise if you are happy to do so. we dont do long holidays, partly finance, partly the fact that i find packing so stressful because you need to lug so much stuff every where. you will find a difference with stuff like hotel rooms - 3rd child seems to be expected to sleep in the car, lots of places do 2adults + 2kids.

would i do it again? yes. i love having a tribe of kids around me, i love that when two have fallen out they can go off and play with a different brother. i love the differences in relationships because of the different age gaps. life is never quiet, never boring.