Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

What's it like to be a parent to 3 children or a child of 3?

47 replies

Martha200 · 26/05/2008 22:48

My DH and I before ds2 born (4mths ago!) swore we would stop at 2 children, but for some reason both of us caught ourselves the other day talking about a possibilty of having a 3rd, would it really be a big jump to adapt to?

I have passed on the newborn clothes to the charity shop, but somehow the moses basket is making its way to the loft, what is going on with us.. is it normal around when a baby hits this age to think about another (not for now but in a year or so?)

I am the eldest of 3, and always thought 2 would be the 'ideal' maybe because it's 7 and 9yrs difference between me and my siblings.. our initial concerns before these new thoughts were (1) finance, not for now but those uni years should children want to go (2) attention.. does the middle child feel left out in attention.. is it really hard to divide attention to 3 children?
(3) space...think the house is good enough for another little body to live in so that would be ok.

Am a little amazed that dh and I even had this conversation and want to hear what others have to say on the subject of 3 or being one of 3

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

luckylady74 · 27/05/2008 09:18

I second custardo and RubyRioja - it feels like far too much to ask aging grandparents to look after 3 especially when they're all toddlers. Attention is hard to deal out equally.I don't think middle child syndrome is a given even though 1 of my twins seemed to have a bit of it before we went on an esteem boosting offensive!
We can't afford to go abroad, but that's hardly the end of the world.
I always felt broody with a 4 -9 month baby, then they start crawling and you remember what you have in store!

NotABanana · 27/05/2008 09:21

We have 3 and were hoping for four.

We won't be having anymore and in lots of ways we have had one too many but I couldn't be without him.

2 would have been a lot easier for us but wouldn't have felt enough.

RubyRioja · 27/05/2008 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

spugs · 27/05/2008 09:30

ii have 3 dds 7yrs, 2.1 yrs and 9 weeks. its harder then 2 definitly but i put that down to the smaller age gap. its definitly managable but then at the same time dh only works 2 days and 2 nights a week and im a sahm. when i do go back to work it will be part time and only when dh is off. childcare is way to expensive to do it any other way.
have to agree with ruby about laundry, the amount that one extra person makes is staggering. would not change it for the world though

ShrinkingViolet · 27/05/2008 09:57

hotels only seem to cater for 2+2; cars can be difficult (three car seats don't fit in many non-people carriers); food is packaged for 4 or 6, not 5; if you have bigger age gaps, it can be difficult doing things as a family as teenagers and toddlers don't usually want to do the same things .
Aside from that, having three DCs is perfect for us - when one falls out with one sister, there's always another to bore to tears with the Barbies play with; when we go out, we're not so big a group that people stare; DD1 can babysit occasionally.

Fennel · 27/05/2008 10:06

We have 3, by choice, and I do really like the family dynamic of it, it's less intense, I think, the more children you have. Especially between the dds, my first two are close in age and had/have quite an intense relationship, but dd3 has toned it down.

We didn't notice any cost difference when dd3 was a baby but since our youngest was 3 we do notice - going out for a meal, or to anywhere you pay, can get expensive quickly. I often go out with friends with just one child and things they don't even notice as a cost start adding up once you are paying for 3.

We also notice that it's much harder to palm your children off on people for childcare, not many people want 3. though that's got easier as they are a bit bigger and we've been quite lucky with friends who will have them all 3, even overnight. Not grandparents though, they find 3 too many.

I do really notice the difference in effort of having 3. When we had just one we backpacked to Hong Kong and around Australia, when we had 2 we went on holidays to Spain and Germany, then when we had 3 (in 4 years) we more or less gave up on going anywhere and just staggered occasionally down the road to the local park. It's definitely more restricting, especially with 3 little ones, when even the oldest doesn't have good road sense or dress themselves very well (my oldest is a bit dreamy).

however I would have dd3 again, she's adorable, and now she's 4 I really have hopes that it IS going to be easier....

sarahmikeharryandrosie · 27/05/2008 10:17

I have read this thread with avid interest!!! My DS is 3yrs, DD is 16 weeks and we said when pregnant with DD- no more this is it one of each cant get anymore perfect than this!

However i cannot bear to sell/give away my baby things- like Martha its all found its way back into the loft- i think i would like one more in a couple of years time(i was middle of three) DH says def no no- (he was one of two) But who knows- what will be will be-

On a practical side of things, at the mo they each have a bedroom, we can give then everything they need without it being too much of a struggle- the car is big enough, holidays etc are cheaper easier for space etc-

So if we had a third all the above will change(and i hated sharing a room when i was growing up and its the one thing putting me off having a third!!!! and we cant afford to move to a 4bed!!!

So thanks everyone this has given me something to think about!!!!!

FluffyMummy123 · 27/05/2008 10:17

Message withdrawn

PetitFilou1 · 27/05/2008 10:43

Was one of three, and am having my third in three months or so. One sister definitely had middle child syndrome but my mum says also down to her personality (obv partly true). I was never happy stopping at two, I value the support of both my sisters particularly nowadays - although fought like cat and dog with middle sister when we were younger.

cheesesarnie · 27/05/2008 10:46

i have 3 and its great.im one of four so dunno.

SixSpotBurnet · 27/05/2008 10:53

I love having 3. In our case, the only thing that makes it difficult is that DS3 has special needs.

I am one of three as well (I'm the oldest). My sister, who is the middle one, still complains about being a neglected middle child .

SSSandy2 · 27/05/2008 10:54

didn't like being one of 3

Fennel · 27/05/2008 10:55

I was a middle child of 3 and liked it. Never lonely. Always the one both my siblings wanted to play with. Didn't have the precious pressure the oldest got nor the semi neglect the youngest got.

TsarChasm · 27/05/2008 10:59

I've found the logistics of three very hard at times but I wouldn't change them. There wasn't much age gap though between them though; maybe that helps.

VictorianSqualor · 27/05/2008 11:10

I've just had number three.
He's my jigsaw child, fitted it so easily.
He's 6 weeks old and I don't feel anything like a mother of a sixweek old.

No stress, no panicking, no worrying about how his siblings are going to behave, no real tiredness (I sorted the sidecar/co-sleep thing with the other two) none of the two-headed chickenness that occurs when you go from just being you to get out the door, to being you and one child, to you and three, the third just falls into place.

Attentionwise, I explained to mine all throughout the pregnancy how much time feeding would take up, because that's the worst thing for the otehr DC's IMO. However, they occupy each other, I found it much harder trying to occupy a toddler and feed a baby, now I have an older child, a 3yr old and a baby the eldest two play together so I can sit on the sofa and just eyeball them playing lego or something.

SixSpotBurnet · 27/05/2008 11:14

Love that, VS - "jigsaw child".

DS3 was like that until his autism started to manifest itself - he detached himself from the jigsaw of the family then. But thanks to a lot of early intervention he has found his place amongst us again now .

Fennel · 27/05/2008 11:25

I have really not experienced that "3rd child just falls into place" thing that some parents of 3 talk about. My 3rd child was easy and laid back but still, she didn't just fall into place. More like, the experience of 3 under 5 dragged us onto our knees for a couple of years.

but there would have always been something missing without her, DP and I are both from 3 child families and two children, though very sensible, didn't seem quite enough.

happypiglet · 27/05/2008 18:12

I love having 3 but it is hard work but then mine are all at home (DS1 4, DS2 2 DD 10m). I am hoping it will get a little easier when DS1 starts school at Easter.
But they adore each other and they play well together as a 3 or when one of them is missing. Its hard to find time for any one on one but we squeeze a bit in for DS1 and 2, Dd lucks out at present but will have me all to myslef 3 ams a week come Sept.
I get no time to myself (except on mumsnet a bit when the TV is babysitting!) and my mum had the 2 boys a lot, overnights as well even when DS2 was quite small. But she doesn't feel able to have them all yet. So DH and me have had no time away on our own but then thats not really too bad. She will be happier to have them when they are older...
I was one of 3 and it just feels right for me. But no more it would make the car thing difficult!!

happypiglet · 27/05/2008 18:14

I mean DS1 starts shool in Sept... gosh its been a long day!!

farfaraway · 27/05/2008 22:12

Have to agree it is harder work with three even if DC3 fits/slots in to family really well. My DD3 (9mths) is a dream but the logistics of organising them all means my life/choices have disappeared somewhat.

Also feel DD2 (2.11 yrs) is very much compromised although she doesn't seem to notice but I feel guilty and am aware of how little she does/did compared to DD1 (7yrs). It is not from laziness but purely logistics.

Also have to add number three knocked my relationship with dh alot. We have had a lot of other stresses but now he has to pull his weight in the home and it notices if he doesn't. If he lies in bed a weekday morning til the last minute and then only prepares himself and waits for his coffee I am likely to explode. After I have organised three children dressed, breakfasted, etc to get to school. Find I am the one who has no time to shower/dry hair/drink coffee and then I lose it. Was completely unprepared for this.

But wouldn't be withouht any of them but am looking forward to easier times ahead.

keepcalmandsauvignon · 27/05/2008 22:24

I was one of three and have 3 DC's (now 8, 6, and 4). It was bonkers but lovely having three under 5 - got easier when DS1 went to school. DD3 starts school in September, and we'll then be on to the next phase.

am very conscious also of the 'jigsaw child' thing - that was my DS2 who was 20m when DD3 was born - he never had the PFB thing, and I stopped breastfeeding him when I had a threatened miscarriage with DD3. But d'you know what - he is the happiest in his own skin of all my DC's.

I am only scraping by giving them sufficient attention by working in a business run from home. As it is the hours between 3.30 and 7.30 on school nights are very full on with three, all needing me in different ways. In that way it definitely gets tougher as they get older.

FWIW, I agree with my mother, who says that two is not enough and three is too many

loler · 27/05/2008 22:44

I love having 3 (dd 4, ds1 3, ds2 9mnth). I gave all my baby stuff away after ds1 but it always felt like someone was missing. When ds2 arrived, dh went back to work after a week and things just felt normal. Probably helped as he was/is a lovely happy baby.

Reading some of the other posts does scare me about the future but we'll just have to cope. DH and I were watching a family with 3 teenagers having a picnic - we both hoped that we could have times as happy as that in the future, the dynamics looked like they really worked.

As for dc2 being left out, my family always said ds1 was born to be a middle child - he makes sure he isn't ever left out! I'm one of 4 - rather than 2 against 1, it was normally 3 against 1!

Flip

1 2