Autism and meltdowns

[TheNumberBlocks]

How do you deal with an autistic child who displays violent behaviour during meltdowns? She’s just smashed up the house and threw things at me because there is a fly in the house, yes a fly. She’s been awful all summer over flies the meltdowns are violent and she pushed a massive box on to me that contained a wooden bed frame all because of a fly, she tries to escape the house and trying to over power me to get out of the door, I’m at the end of my tether. How do you cope with this?

How old is she?

1. take all the door keys and hide them.
2. my son is violent with his meltdowns, we get him into his room and we shut the door and just let him get on with. My DP is strong and sort of westles him into his bedroom. The more you engage with them during a meltdown the worse itll be as its a sensory overload. You need to leave them somewhere safe to calm down.
3. maybe invest in some of those bug nettings you can get for windows to stop them coming in?

sending you a huge hug x

I don’t even open the windows because of her but they still managed to occasionally get in. She’s 14

@TheNumberBlocks oh 14 must be hard as you can't pick her up and move her to a safe place.
Has her school term finished yet? Maybe her teachers can talk to her about why flies aren't a big deal and she doesn't need to get upset about them.
(sorry I am assuming she's at a sen school where they are more set up for these kind of issues).
Unfortunately you may have to put anything heavy/breakable that can be thrown around away apart from the basics you need.
Maybe get loads of cushions and when she is upset she can throw the cushions around or punch the cushions.
We had an old cot mattress that my daughter would "take her anger out" on.

She’s throwing anything she can get her hands on, chairs etc she’s in her bedroom now with the door shut but this has been going on for months since summer started and the flies

I rarely have a fly in my house, I don’t want to sound rude but you need to tackle that issue. Prevent them getting in as much as possible. Have traps or something for when they do get in. Also do some work with her regarding flies to try and lessen her fear. We have been through this with moths and it’s absolutely hell but it can get better.

It’s summer I don’t think flies in the house are unusual, our bins are kept by the front door (we don’t have anywhere else they can go) and with fortnightly collections they do attract flies, we had traps but they didn’t work (the ceiling ones) and fly spray but I’m limited on using that with cats and fish.

My daughter hates flies. I think it's the buzzing. You could try noise cancelling headphones to help with that side of it? She won't rest till I've located and removed any flies from the house. Can you talk about exactly what it is that upsets her when she's not in the middle of a meltdown? And agree on a plan for when it happens next time.

What about she goes to her room while you get rid of the fly? If shes still anxious she can throw cushions but nothing else.

Is she in school? This time of the year for ND kids in school is hard! It’s the end of a long year so they’re tired, they’re really ready for a break, the timetable is often really up in the air so they’ve lost that routine and it’s scary. Her nervous system is likely on high alert so things like this will be a tipping point, the coke bottle effect if you like. It’s not the fly that causing all the rage and loss of control it’s the final thing that’s the tipping point. So try to reduce demands on her and let her nervous system calm and she’ll be better able to handle things like this. Try to congregate with her before she gets to the point of losing control. I need to make sure my son has eaten, drink, isn’t too hot, etc and think for him of everything that will be effecting his regulation.
highly recommend Dr Ross Greene the explosive child as it helps you to work out the other things that will be adding to the problem and they may well be simple fixes to enable her to tolerate more.

She has learning difficulties alongside autism so unfortunately she doesn’t understand and just lashes out trying to reason with her isn’t easy she is under speech and language therapy as she has limited speech. Not in school so it’s not that.

If not already referred I would ask for an urgent referral to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS). Possibly through your GP or speak to the Speech Therapy Service to request. There is a risk of harm to herself or someone else.

You can buy fly zappers like they have in restaurants.

Can confirm they work pretty well.

https://amzn.eu/d/45sdgDt

Medication was a game changer for mine with this sort behaviour. Been on it now for 15 years no issues (just slept solidly for a few weeks when they started on it but that wore off as they settled into it). Was the only thing that assisted some others I know also who had children where violence was an issue during meltdowns. Also, very much reduced/calmed meltdowns to begin with.

Put fly paper on the bin. Have a small tent with cushions that she can crawl into . If she understands you ask her how you can help.

I don’t know if we would be able to catch them with one of them they are the fast buzzy ones even the cats can’t catch them

Not on medication always been told there is none for autism.

I have a child similar age, similar profile and behaviours. Firstly I’d create her a fly-free space in the house. Something like a mosquito net over her bed or a chair so she has somewhere fly free she can go if flies or the threat of flies are bothering her. In a calm and insect free moment I’d explain in very clear language what she can do if she sees a fly and what you will do to help her. In my experience having some small element of control over the situation and a plan of action is better than you attempting to rid your house of every last fly. Flies are a part of life and she needs a plan to deal with that.

I’ve found this kind of problem solving approach is the thing that helps with the physical violence too. I always look to restore an element of control over whatever it is that triggers a behaviour rather than focussing on the behaviour itself, if that makes sense.

That sounds very difficult OP. These are brilliant we have one at home and take it on holiday with us. The best brand is ‘the executioner’ but it’s more like £22. I reckon a budge one would be just as good
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0D46WN2T4/ref=sspa_mw_detail_0?ie=UTF8&psc=1&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9kZXRhaWw&aref=DaTZjB3Oxe

That's not true. My son takes antidepressants and Ritalin. Plus he used to have anger issues so now he takes antipsychotics too, and they really made a huge difference. Speak to her psychologist.

Autism is not the cause of violent behaviour. Autism may have an impact on the reason your daughter struggles with flies in the house, but Autism does not equal violent outbursts. You need to speak to CAMHS and ensure they do not fob you off by blaming her autism for the behaviour. There is something called ‘diagnostic overshadowing’ see this link www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/clinical-guide-for-front-line-staff-to-support-the-management-of-patients-with-a-learning-disability-and-autistic-people-relevant-to-all-clinical-specialties/

You learn self defence - particularly pressure points.

You could medicate her. But realistically you can’t keep her medicated for the rest of her life and you can’t allow her meltdowns to continue.

My child is autistic. Level 3 - with global developmental delay. When he was a toddler he would try and run away from me, try and run into traffic. I did buy a leash for him - but it wasn’t just in public - he would hurt me, hurt himself and his stims were so bad they would escalate and become violent. I needed a way to stop him before he escalated.

I used pressure points to get him to stop. Just the one on the hand.

He had a melt down and school and they locked him in a storage cupboard. I understood their desperation.

But I used pressure points before it got to the stage of an actual meltdown.

I’ve seen the therapists at his autism group therapy basically just give the children space to have a meltdown. But you can’t do that in the real world. It’s behaviour that needs to stop before they become violent.

Anyway, that’s what worked. He doesn’t do it any more. Now I just tell him to stop or I will yell at him. At home he gets sent to his room until he calms down.

Ritalin is usually prescribed for adhd not autism.

in the U.K. a psychiatrist would be needed to prescribe either anti depressants or Ritalin for an under 18.

May not be practical for you to do, but I removed basically everything from my house and stored it in the garage. All furniture is secured to the walls. Avoid engaging during the tantrums as that just seems to make them worse. A blackout sensory tent might also help as a place to calm down. You could also install screens on the windows to stop flies getting in. Or maybe one of those fly zapper rackets so she could take her angry out on trying to get rid of the fly instead.

Have a look at Flat Cats velcro mesh screens (amazon do similar) attach with velcro strips to window frame then a mesh on top. Stops flies getting in (and cats getting out). you can buy big ones for French doors etc with a zip to walk through. I have no flies or mossies/moths/spiders upstairs in my house as I have 11 of these window screens for my foster cats. game changer as I can have windows open all night etc 👏 no helpful advice on how to deal with the meltdowns I'm afraid OP 💐