My daughter says she "accepted" her acne. Is this good ?

[MalibuBarb]

My sister and I still struggle with acne in our 40s. It's like a family curse, especially for the female family members. Recently, what I was dreading finally happened as precious 13 year old girl started getting acne.

I thought I was prepared with treatment ideas, and emotional support. But she shocked me by saying she accepts her acne. She says she doesn't want her father and I to waste money on treatments. We're not struggling for money nor anything. All she says she needs is pimple patches for the really painful ones.

She just seems fine with it. She's doing all the social things she usually does. Even though she's allowed to if she wants, she doesn't wear makeup. Maybe it's generational or something. I'm sure if I should be concerned.

may need to treat to avoid scaring, very basic treatments may help

Aside from pimple patches, she insists she doesn't want treatment for her acne.

I don't want to force her to do it.

Life long acne sufferer, sounds v positive to me. She may change, but for now I think leave her be.

Skin and Me has helped me quite a bit btw with the less severe acne I have now

Fair enough if she wants to do what she wants to do, but I know a fair few teenagers who have been spared a life of acne by an early accutane course.

Part of me thinks GOOD FOR HER for being comfortable in herself.

Part of me, if she were my daughter, would also be aware that acne can cause scarring and that treating the acne can help to prevent that.

My daughter had acne as a teenager and was very upset about it.
We started with topical treatments from the GP. Then moved onto low-dose antibiotics. Then the pill ‘Dianette’ followed by the pill ‘Yasmin’.
She finally had roaccutane when she was 18. Again in her early 20s. Again aged 29. She’s in her 30s now and her skin is really great - she uses topical tretinoin and is meticulous with her skincare routine.
Good luck to you and your daughter.

I'm so sorry you're suffering.
I know the pain, it sucks.

I had gently mentioned the possibly of life-long scarring to her.
She told me she's fine with it.
I'm perplexed.

It seems like a healthy attitude to have to me and if she’s ok with it, then that’s the main thing surely!

Maybe I haven't explained myself well enough for others to understand why I'm concerned.

I think the whole concept of pimple patches is great. I’m a bit disappointed that I’m too old to get ven the odd spot to cover up.its good to see a common aspect of teenage life normalised. Good for your daughter, though she may change her mind!

Why do you think you're too old for them ? I turned 40 recently and I use them.

I also struggled a lot with acne growing up and I love this for her! I think there's so much more positive messaging out there now re:skin and beauty in general and I think it's really exciting to see young women getting to have that healthier experience! My neice doesn't love her acne but she also has no issue going out makeup free or with pimple patches on and has a pretty neutral view about it. I think it's to be encouraged.

Personally I'd tell her that it's brilliant she has such a healthy and positive mindset and that she can recognise that acne is totally normal and makes her no less beautiful, but that it's still worth speaking to a gp about purely due to the scarring and they can maybe offer some good advice on ways to protect the health of her skin and take it down that route rather than just the acne being something to get rid of.

I think the youth of today generally have a much better attitude to self image than any previous generations could imagine.

I was a teenager 20 years ago and even though I'm quite positive I used to feel like I looked disgusting and dirty with it. I'd never think anyone else with acne looked bad - I might feel bad for them if it looked particularly sore.

I'd leave her to it. The laser treatments are very good for pitting and scarring. I'd encourage no gouging and a high SPF. I reckon I'd have a lot less scarring if I'd worn SPF as I have dark scars. My female family members encouraged me to dry myself out in the sun ahah. If she's up for it a salicylic acid toner don't think that would do any harm.

Retinol can be great but it's maybe not worth the risks for someone who's happy in their own skin.

Maybe I was overreacting in my mind. My sister, myself, and a few other girls I knew were so devastated by acne. I never dreamed in a million years that I would see a girl so okay with having acne.

And maybe I didn't make it clear in the main part of the post, but, it's really bad acne. Like really bad. And she's so positive about it.

My daughter has herself to her own look as gorgeous. She has also said I look "gorgeous."

Maybe growing up with me as her mom has made her "used to" the look of acne.

I think it's great. My best friend in my teens had terrible acne and she really hated herself for it, and had the lowest self esteem.

Thank you.

I feel so bad for your best friend. I used to hate myself because of my acne. I still have at 40 and some days are really hard.
I have a wonderful daughter, a wonderful husband, a wonderful job, and a wonderful house but acne can still beat me down.

My 12 yo has acne as well as she just deals with it. I had it at 15 so I’m glad she is getting it out of the way.

I think lots of us feel this way about certain things (nose, teeth etc) so sadly it's normal. It's great if kids now aren't as self conscious about these things.

My DS is similar. Not bothered but also doesn't squeeze or pick at them. I try to ensure he has reasonable hygiene around his face and provide mild treatment creams. He is so unbothered by them and I think on the whole that is positive. I am less concerned about scarring as he doesn't pick at them at all. And so far no sign of scarring

I'm sorry your daughter is struggling with this.

I'm sorry if I'm not allowed to ask, not sure how this site words. May I send you a private message?

I agree with your daughter. 2 of my friends worried about their acne for years and it didnt reduce till about age 18. Definitely impacted their self esteem, way more than their appearance

Sounds like she has other priorities to spend her time on, than having skin that looks like media stereotypes

We all have different skin qualities. I honestly don't think negatively of acne scars in adults, it's more of a character thing, like freckles.

I'm still pretty spotty now but I haven't got proper acne. I still get very sore and angry jaw/shoulder pimples. I remember my daughter pointing out all of my spots when she was about 5. I tried to hide my unhappiness and said to her 'Yeah I'm quite spotty, most of our family are.' and she responded 'I love your spots'

Maybe he would see it as "too girly" but your son could use pimple patches to not pick. I know you said he doesn't but he might do it subconsciously.

Unfortunately, my daughter already has scars.

Good for her!
I have pockmarks from the cystic acne I had until my mid-twenties. I inherited it from my dad and my 17 year old DD has inherited it from me. But like your DD, she’s totally relaxed about it. She has great hair (that she spends quite a lot of time on) and a great eye for retro fashion, so she always looks amazing, only occasionally wearing a little mascara and eyeliner, never concealer or foundation. She has a basic gentle skin care regime and a fairly healthy diet, but that’s as far as it goes. She’s very academic and charming and kind and funny and has nice friends and lovely boyfriend. Why give acne any importance, when there’s really not much you can do about it? Much better to just accept it and live your life.