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Original poster

Starting secondary school question

62 replies

PawsPaws · 01/07/2025 11:56

Silly question, If you have a child going to secondary school and they don’t have any friends there apart from one is it possible to ask that they are in the same class or how does that work? my son is extremely shy and has selective mute and awaiting assessment for autism so it isn’t as easy as “he’ll make friends once he is there” / “find his tribe” he has only one friend in primary school and that’s taken till year 6 to make said friend thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
PawsPaws · 03/07/2025 16:26

Caramelty · 03/07/2025 14:11

I really feel for your son - it’s nice to have a familiar face in class. Surprised your older son hasn’t had more support to ensure he has been able to at least make a few friends. It sounds incredibly lonely for him.

Hope it all gets sorted out.

Fyi my NT dd started school with two primary friends in her class and within a year they were not really hanging out together and had moved onto new friends. But I do also know someone whose dd didn’t make any friends in school until y10 so it really can take ages

Some friends outside school can help a bit , at least to reduce the sense of isolation

thanks though neither of them would be seen dead at clubs anymore 😩 so making friends outside of school is difficult

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minipie · 03/07/2025 17:44

not even sports clubs or Scouts? Those seem to carry on into secondary age

Original poster
PawsPaws · 03/07/2025 18:49

doesnt like sports unfortunately sent him to clubs before but he didn’t enjoy them and even the ones that said they weren’t just sports based (so said they did a range of activities) was still mainly football etc which my son hates

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Cece92 · 03/07/2025 18:52

At my daughter’s school they try to discourage this. They put them in classes with other kids they don’t necessarily play with at school. My daughters got a few in her registration class but from the other class she knows them but doesn’t play with them but she’s really happy. X

Original poster
PawsPaws · 03/07/2025 18:56

yeah that’s fine if it’s a NT child that’s good at making friends id agree to but my son is autistic and has selective mute he has come on a lot so don’t want him regressing fine for a confident child whose good at making friends though

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herbalteabag · 03/07/2025 19:05

My son wanted to move at the time but he wasn't allowed due to the logistics. However, they don't stay with their class all the time so perhaps he will be with his friend for some lessons?

SweepTheHalls · 03/07/2025 21:42

We absolutely do swaps even after transition day, the head of year will be able to help you.

napody · 03/07/2025 21:47

PawsPaws · 03/07/2025 12:59

Thank you, I’m glad that worked for them and nice to hear a positive against a lot of negativity on this post and happy to say I just had an email and they said they are having contact with the primary schools and awaiting sats results so there will likely be some changes to tutor groups anyway so I think now would be a good chance to raise it with his primary school and see what they can do since the classes aren’t finalised. 🙂

Great news OP. I'm pretty sure that my child's secondary wouldn't have accommodated that- they are very organised but on the flip side fairly inflexible. So a big thank you is due if they sort it!

mummyto9angels · 03/07/2025 21:53

I worried so much about secondary school and appealed etc. Mainly as there had been a lot of horrible bullying etc in primary and it was the school they were nearly all going to. When they actually started it was like we had our DC back. I found the staff in the secondary school were so much nicer and allowed for anxiety etc so much more. It is also much bigger at secondary and they get to mix with far more other kids. Saying all that I would definitely speak to school. If you email the office and ask it to be passed onto the Year 6/7 pastoral/transition team they should give you a call. Good luck hope you get sorted soon.

Original poster
PawsPaws · 03/07/2025 21:54

napody · 03/07/2025 21:47

Great news OP. I'm pretty sure that my child's secondary wouldn't have accommodated that- they are very organised but on the flip side fairly inflexible. So a big thank you is due if they sort it!

Show quote history

The email was a generic email sent to all parents saying there will be lots of movement by September so they are not specifically doing it for just me 😆 said based on the sats results and recommendations from the primary schools involved but of course we will be very grateful if they can

OP posts:
Thatcannotberight · 03/07/2025 21:56

There's been lots of movement at my son's school, even during the year, and definitely between yr 6 taster day and the start of yr7.
As an aside, my son goes to Scouts and nearly all the boys there are ND. They definitely find their tribe there, and usually go to the same school too.

napody · 03/07/2025 22:14

PawsPaws · 03/07/2025 21:54

The email was a generic email sent to all parents saying there will be lots of movement by September so they are not specifically doing it for just me 😆 said based on the sats results and recommendations from the primary schools involved but of course we will be very grateful if they can

Show quote history

Oh, fab 😂
I read your OP and thought you'd left it really late but seems like shuffling and finalising between now and Sept is normal in other schools too - I'm pleased for you and your son!

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