Worried about browsing history of my son (9).

[detectivemama]

A couple of years ago, a relative kindly gave me an old computer they no longer needed for my son to have in his bedroom.. The idea being it would be helpful for schoolwork, homework and educational things like maths games etc. I agreed on the condition that all the necessary parental controls are in place (to stop son accessing anything inappropriate).
Anyway, all has been ok till this week.
On Friday (totally out of the blue and unsolicited), I had an email from a porn website, thanking me for signing up. Totally wasn't me. Nor do I look at/search for porn. There's only son and I in the house.
I mentioned this email to my partner (who lives elsewhere) and he said it's likely been triggered by something in the viewing/search history. Nothing of that sort on my phone or laptop, so he advised me to check son's search/browse history as it would all be connected and linked to the home broadband. I'm not very knowledgeable about stuff like this tbh, but partner explained how it all works.
Anyway, son is away this weekend so I've taken the chance to look at his history.
Turns out he's been searching thinks like "boobies", "bums" (not too alarming for a curious 9 year old who is learning about puberty at school)... But then he's been searching for other things like "sexy girls photos", "sex" "girl undressing". Then there are some youtube videos in his history about sex-related things, also about intimate hair removal/waxing on girls.
A relative has just taken son's computer away to install tighter settings and will bring it back when done. Also blocked youtube on our smart TV in the living room. No TV in son's room (thankfully).
I don't want to embarass son by saying I know what he's been searching, so I'm planning to say we've been hacked and my bank accounts have been compromised by some dodgy youtube links being clicked on in our house. Keep it general, so not pointing the finger at him.
Planning to say bank fraud team advised me to block youtube to prevent any further hacks affecting us.
Am I handling this well? Any other parents of similar-aged children had this experience?

Please don’t think it’s just like the old mags that people used to hide under their beds. It’s way more dangerous than that because the content is much more graphic and you can jump from one fairly ‘vanilla’ video to men really hurting women and it being called sex. Plus, there is a bottomless pit of it to get lost in. It is so different to giggling at some boobs in an mag and parents need to highlight its dangers.

I’m not at all a prude but I’ve done my fair share of safeguarding training and this stuff is being seen by younger and younger children and is really damaging - it gives young people a totally warped view of what sex is, what consent and pleasure looks like, and is totally objectifying women. It’s something parents of boys in particular need to be feel really responsible for because the tech companies aren’t doing enough to protect them from really inappropriate videos.

If I’m honest I don’t think you’re handling well. You need to speak openly with him say you know what he’s been seatching and have a discussion. Are there questions you can answer for him? What has prompted him to search for this things. A 9 year old shouldn’t have access to the internet unsupervised. You wouldn’t - I presume - let him go and socialise with pedophiles? Giving a child free access to the internet without the correct parental settings is basically the same thing.

I think if hes old enough to look at boobies hes old enough to talk about them.

I know you dont want to embarass him. But the type of thing he will want to search for could lead to dubious sites. And if say another boy at school email/texted him a picture of a girl at school and he shared it thats distribution of child porn. Its not like when we were young. I do think this isnt a big deal he is a curious 9 year old but if you can't have an honest conversation with him about it down the line he could see him in actual trouble. And porn sites give unrealistic suggestions of bodies, sex, and dont cover the physical and emotional risks.

I think instead of avoiding embarrassing him you should talk to him some he can talk to you when hes embarassed or worried or curious

Anyone saying “it’s totally normal and like the mags we had in the 80s” is so far off the mark. We shouldn’t normalise 9 year olds searching for anything like this on the internet, no matter how innocuous they think it sounds. I recently did some training that showed what comes up with about 2 seconds of searching for similar innocuous terms - basically Women being abused and men utterly salivating over it in the comments.

Kids being curious about “boobs” or naked girls = normal. Them having any kind of access to it without parental supervision = not normal. Putting parental controls on and hoping for the best isn’t enough.

...why does this stop being true when it's in a communal area? In fact I imagine it will be much more educational (and obviously safe) when children can ask adults about software features and how to do certain things. My partner was showing his 9 year old daughter how to use Photoshop the other week, on our communal computer. She wouldn't have felt confident to navigate that without guidance.

I would speak to him about it, you don’t have to shame him, just acknowledge his curiosity and open a dialogue about it.

Going to an elaborate lie/cover up isn’t really the way forward or the best parenting IMO.

This is NOT at all the same thing! Dirty mags back in the 80s were relatively harmless: sleazy yes, and of course objectified women in a way I wish wasn’t the case, but online porn is a whole other level. Choking, slapping subjugation and rape are all presented as a ‘normal’ part of sex. It isn’t just about having a cheeky giggle over a boob or vulva. Theres some dark, dark stuff on there, which is fuelling the rise of violence against women and girls despite the implementation of equality laws.

Have you watched Adolescence?

I honestly don’t understand how in 2025 some parents still think it’s acceptable for a 7,8,9 year old to have completely unrestricted and unmonitored access to the internet alone in their bedroom.

I remember at a similar age finding a load of top shelf mags dumped on a bike ride, and I had fun with my younger brother looking at them. We didn’t really understand in those days. Technology has moved so far nowadays that this stuff can be live in a child’s room.

Calm down dear

The solution ia the same. Take the computer

Can't believe she allowed him unrestricted access in the first place

a nine year old shouldnt have unlimited access to the internet in their bedroom ffs

my nearly 11 year old niece is only allowed on kids yout tube whislt being supervised-its ridiculous these days that adults think its ok to just let kids have access like this

You need to be honest with your child and talk about it, not pretend it isn't happening

No, you need to have a frank discussion about this rather than lie about fraud etc

And no, no child that age should have a device in their bedroom, especially if you aren't savvy enough to set the tighter settings in the first place

Pornis a multi billion pound business I believe and it is tragic that youngsters especially can access it as they're brains are still developing.
I agree, talk to him about it's dangers and the folk behind it!
Using porn after the age of 18, the police decoys on these sites, posing as under 18's, will arrest those involved in chats with them.
Porn can tragically affect the mental health of some internet users, especially from the age of your precious son. I hope the good advice on this forum from many, will resolve this for you and your son (and others, reading). Thank you.

I am very different but I would tackle it differently.

I would talk him through sex is nothing to be embarrassed about but that porn is wrong. It’s wrong on so many levels - exploitation, coercive, lack of consent, desensitisation etc I have talked it through matter of factly with mine in a very child friendly way. The usbourne book of growing up is what we used.

in the meanwhile no child under 16 needs a device in their room and turn on your parental locks

Computer in living room