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Original poster

Sons GF has been disowned by her parents

73 replies

Fraggeek · 20/06/2025 12:17

My son (17) has a girlfriend (16) who come from a family who are at minimum verbally abusive and at home have placed heavy restrictions on what she can and can't do to the very extreme including not allowing her to eat for several days at a time. I obviously don't want to go into too much depth as it could be outting.

Long story short after police involvement her parents have washed their hands of her. Her mother has told me she doesn't have the time with a toddler to be dealing with her and she is no longer welcome back

I'm just after any advice on how we now move forward in this situation. I am happy for her to remain with us. The plan is she will start college locally and she also wants to get a part time job. Her parents will not support her financially and whilst we can, I didn't know if there was anything we're able to sort with regards to financial help in these circumstances.

Also, at 16 is there anything other than medical emergencies I need to be aware of that would require parental consent? I know you can apply for a special guardianship order but that obviously takes time and may not be necessary given her age.

I guess we're just looking for advice from others who have been in a similar position. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Especially as this has all happened extremely fast.

Thank you!

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 20/06/2025 12:19

Could you claim her child benefit?

randoname · 20/06/2025 12:21

Friends did this with one of their daughter’s friends. The child was able to prove estrangement and get support through university etc. Are you able to set guidelines that she’s here under your care, not as your son’s girlfriend? Things could get messy if they break up or worse he feels he can’t break up with her as she’d be homeless. It’s a wonderful thing to do but I’d get a lot of support and advice.

WompWompBoom · 20/06/2025 12:21

I think you need social services help with this one. Whilst it's admirable you're looking out for her, it puts immense pressure on your son. Any break up isn't as simple as it could be as he would also be making her homeless etc. I think you need to get some support in place for you all.

cheezncrackers · 20/06/2025 12:23

She is a child, so surely SS need to be involved?

Original poster
Fraggeek · 20/06/2025 12:23

TeenToTwenties · 20/06/2025 12:19

Could you claim her child benefit?

Not without a special guardianship order and this takes a while as it involves social services assessments and a court process.

I think, that's my understanding from what I've read online.
Her parents have cut contact and are refusing to come to even a private agreement where they send us the child benefit.

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 20/06/2025 12:24

WompWompBoom · 20/06/2025 12:21

I think you need social services help with this one. Whilst it's admirable you're looking out for her, it puts immense pressure on your son. Any break up isn't as simple as it could be as he would also be making her homeless etc. I think you need to get some support in place for you all.

I was thinking the same, they’re very young.

CheezePleeze · 20/06/2025 12:26

The best thing you can do for her (and for your son in the long run) is to help her into some sort of housing of her own.

SS should be able to help with local hostels.

Original poster
Fraggeek · 20/06/2025 12:31

The police are contacting them with regards to safeguarding, so we will be in contact with them at any stage now.

At this stage I'm after advice from those who have done similar just so I can have an idea of what to expect moving forward.
I certainly wouldn't be making a child homeless and we already have an agreement in place between us and my son/gf for if this were to happen.

We are very early stages and whilst there's a lot to think about with regards to their future together and as individuals, right now she needs a safe space where she feels welcome. All the other stuff can tick along in the background

OP posts:
randoname · 20/06/2025 19:11

CheezePleeze · 20/06/2025 12:26

The best thing you can do for her (and for your son in the long run) is to help her into some sort of housing of her own.

SS should be able to help with local hostels.

Don’t be ridiculous. She’s 16. Risks at the time and life chances for a 16 living alone are appalling. She’d probably be put in a semi independent living ie barely supervised facility.

CheezePleeze · 20/06/2025 19:18

randoname · 20/06/2025 19:11

Don’t be ridiculous. She’s 16. Risks at the time and life chances for a 16 living alone are appalling. She’d probably be put in a semi independent living ie barely supervised facility.

Show quote history

Yes, probably.

But unfortunately that's what happens when you have shit parents who throw you out.

However, she's going to need to be housed sooner or later and there is far more help for under 18s than for those over.

songbird3086 · 20/06/2025 19:33

Lord! That’s a lot you’re very kind but I’d be so worried about what happened when / if the relationship went south

CrotchetyQuaver · 20/06/2025 19:38

I think you need to get in touch with social services.

Winter2020 · 20/06/2025 19:42

If you don't get anywhere with social services paying like a private fostering arrangement (which might be problematic with the relationship boyf/girlfriend dynamic) then this seems to suggest that a young person estranged from their parent can be entitled to universal credit.

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/help/claims-by-16-and-17-year-olds

It would also be worth finding out if college can provide an allowance or grant again based on estrangement from parent.

babystarsandmoon · 20/06/2025 19:42

She must have other family she can stay with.

Winter2020 · 20/06/2025 19:43

Also OP I think you have inferred it but just checking that SS are looking into safeguarding the younger siblings?

ThejoyofNC · 20/06/2025 19:45

You are not acting in the best interests of your son. By all means help this girl, but no way would I move her in permanently/indefinitely.

JaneAustensCat · 20/06/2025 19:45

Thank you for caring for this young woman. Something similar happened to me at the same age. Luckily a slightly older relative took me in for 2 years and I finished A levels living with them. My mother did provide some financial support and we had contact but I was essentially in a houseshare with a bunch of late 20's adults and expected to pull my weight. It was pretty tough at the start and I had to grown up fast but without that help I would have had to leave school and get a job. Them taking me in and helping me pass my exams meant I was able to eventually go to university a few years later and that changed my life. I will always be grateful.

It may be it's better for all of you if she can be placed with a foster family. There are foster carers who specialise in teenagers so don't see it as a terrible outcome, if it is an option.That way she gets to have a normal bf/gf relationship with your son and have you as another adult to support her, without the challenges of living together and being a surrogate parent.

Social services will provide guidance but if you do take her in do make sure you get the financial support. SGO's don't usually get paid but there are discretionary allowances so do ask about that and don't take no for an answer! Foster carers do get paid, so it might be possible for you get approved as carers (though appreciate that isn't always easy).

Ponderingwindow · 20/06/2025 19:49

Thank you for helping, but please be careful. I came so close to being in this girl’s position at 16. My mother didn’t kick me out, but she did ask me to move out so she didn’t have to keep trying to protect me from abuse.

this situation puts a great deal of pressure on both young people to continue a very young relationship . If there is any family who could step up to take her in, that might be a better option.

Clareat2021 · 20/06/2025 20:06

Due to her age, legal orders are not going to assist here. You could apply for child benefit for her potentially. The other option is she can asked to be accommodated by the Local Authority (under section 20 of the Children Act 1989) or she could present as homeless. The LA and housing services have a duty to accommodate her in appropriate housing which is likely to be semi supported accommodation but will assist her to apply for independent accommodation when she turns 18.

Clareat2021 · 20/06/2025 20:07

Winter2020 · 20/06/2025 19:42

If you don't get anywhere with social services paying like a private fostering arrangement (which might be problematic with the relationship boyf/girlfriend dynamic) then this seems to suggest that a young person estranged from their parent can be entitled to universal credit.

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/help/claims-by-16-and-17-year-olds

It would also be worth finding out if college can provide an allowance or grant again based on estrangement from parent.

It's not private fostering post 16.

Motnight · 20/06/2025 20:15

WompWompBoom · 20/06/2025 12:21

I think you need social services help with this one. Whilst it's admirable you're looking out for her, it puts immense pressure on your son. Any break up isn't as simple as it could be as he would also be making her homeless etc. I think you need to get some support in place for you all.

Totally agree with this.

Arumtitum · 20/06/2025 20:19

You need to report this to social services duty desk at the Council, Tell them you don't want to leave a name if you don't want to. That is fine. They can then provide the support she needs.

Aquamarineanimals · 20/06/2025 20:21

Winter2020 · 20/06/2025 19:42

If you don't get anywhere with social services paying like a private fostering arrangement (which might be problematic with the relationship boyf/girlfriend dynamic) then this seems to suggest that a young person estranged from their parent can be entitled to universal credit.

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/help/claims-by-16-and-17-year-olds

It would also be worth finding out if college can provide an allowance or grant again based on estrangement from parent.

This. I was that abused child but I had no where to go.

chocolateshortcake · 20/06/2025 20:27

I work in children's services and deal with situations like this from the perspective you are in daily. Contact children's services yourself. As she is unable to return home, there should be an arrangement in place where you are temporarily approved to care for her and you should be compensated with a weekly payment. This is whilst the assessments for the longer term plan are taking place. When they're done there will be legal options but due to her age and the fact she is your son's girlfriend I wouldn't say that SGO would be the most appropriate. Whatever is decided on, you should be receiving an allowance. If you want to PM me I am happy to signpost to relevant team in your area.

Shoemadlady · 20/06/2025 20:31

Speak to social services as they may put a fostering order in place which could provide you with financial support