In-laws only visit on weekends

[FTM1993]

In-laws (retired) live about an hour away. I'm currently on maternity leave. They always say they want to see DD who is 7 months now and I always tell them they can come up whenever they like in the week, they're always welcome etc. DH works Mon-Fri so like most families weekends are the time we get to the most quality time together as a three or see friends etc. he works from home so sometimes we have lunch altogether. It would therefore work best for us if the in-laws came in the week as it would help me out and they would still get to see DH at lunchtime. Obviously there will be weekends where we see them but generally if they came in the week it would work better for us as a family. DH has also had this conversation with them but they always say , 'no we'll just wait for a Saturday when you are free'. Im beginning to think they don't want to spend time with just me and DD but I'm not sure what it's all about! Any advice and am I being unreasonable for asking them to come in the week rather than weekends?

If you invite them to see their granddaughter and they refuse, and want to wait for a Saturday when you're free, that's their choice. If you are only free to see them once every 6 weeks, that's your choice. All good. You're not preventing them from seeing their gd much more often, and they're seeing their son the same amount they always have.

Would they meet somewhere half way on Sunday afternoon now the weather is nice. Means you can control the amount of time you see them, you aren’t hosting, baby gets some fresh air.

They don’t. The pattern on Mumsnet is usually the first poster is contrary and sticks the boot in and then everyone falls in line.

You know you’re not being unreasonable. Just agree what you want to do with husband and let the in-laws know. You are making great efforts to see them as much as you can in a way that fits in around your busy lives.

My MIL used to come and see us in the week and it drove us nuts because DH would feel obligated to take time off work to see her. She had busy weekends (very involved in church) so didn't want to come at the weekend.

Just be really clear about your boundaries: agree with DH what you want and then just steer into it in a nice way (or better, ask him to speak to them). Good luck.

This reminds me of girl from my office, who had both sets of grandparents setting up visiting rotas, it drove her up the wall

I just dont understand why if a man demanded something women would call it controlling when a woman does it its considered understandable

Why do you feel you can control?

Are you saying the OP is being demanding?

It is the in-laws who are being demanding. OP and her husband agreed on something. Husband spoke to in-laws about it. In-laws have disregarded it completely and said “nah we’ll carry on as we are and come when we want.”

It is the OP and her husband’s house and their life, they can absolutely control who comes to their house and when. I wouldn’t accept anyone telling me when they’ll be coming to visit. That’s my decision to make. Normal people don’t tell others when they’re going to swan up to their house, especially when they’ve already been asked to come on a different day. They ask when suits, let them know availability, and figure it out between what works for both.

OP is being reasonable in keeping it to some Saturdays and some midweek to better fit in with their schedule but also afford them the weekend visits they like.

@Thewholebloodylot err this. IL's sound annoying and hellbent on doing things their way. Every other weekend is way too much and l would nip it in the bud

If they are used to every six week, and want every two weeks, maybe compromise at every 3-4 weeks, depending who else you have to fit in. It depends on the size of your family.

Do you also have to fit your parents in? Then maybe they come every third week, your parents every third week, and every third week is a weekend free of visitors.

They might not be able to visit as often as they want by the time you fit in other extended family and friends. You could let them know every four weeks and they are welcome to come and have a week day visit in between. Then they can compromise a bit too.

I’d cry a bit if my ILs came every other Saturday