In-laws only visit on weekends

[FTM1993]

In-laws (retired) live about an hour away. I'm currently on maternity leave. They always say they want to see DD who is 7 months now and I always tell them they can come up whenever they like in the week, they're always welcome etc. DH works Mon-Fri so like most families weekends are the time we get to the most quality time together as a three or see friends etc. he works from home so sometimes we have lunch altogether. It would therefore work best for us if the in-laws came in the week as it would help me out and they would still get to see DH at lunchtime. Obviously there will be weekends where we see them but generally if they came in the week it would work better for us as a family. DH has also had this conversation with them but they always say , 'no we'll just wait for a Saturday when you are free'. Im beginning to think they don't want to spend time with just me and DD but I'm not sure what it's all about! Any advice and am I being unreasonable for asking them to come in the week rather than weekends?

Maybe they just also want to see their son? It's probably nothing against you.

They want to see their son. What’s unreasonable about that?

Of course they want to come when they can properly see their son!! Driving two hours for a lunch isn’t appealing to many I wouldn’t think.

They want to see their son too. Rather than driving 2 hours for a snatched 30mins.
Honestly people rocking up in the middle of the day when your working is a PITA.

Makes sense to me! They want to come and see their son and grandchild together!

They want to spend time with all of you, including their son.

You get to see him lunchtime, breakfast and evening Mon to Fri, but still consider the time at the weekends "quality time" with him. They also want "quality time" with their family.

I wouldn't dwell on it. Let them come on a weekend when it works for you, say no when it doesn't. And don't start thinking it's about them not wanting to spend time with just you - more that, if they're doing a two hour round trip, they'd like to spend that time with their son as well.

My mum wouldn't particularly want to drive an hour just to see my husband and my kids - if she was driving across she'd want some time with me. I imagine it's the same for your parents?

I suspect they don't want to feel slotted into a busy day (ie rushed lunch) but when you're both free.

They prob want to see you all together

Newsflash-parents want to see their adult child!

Of course they want to see their son! I'm fond if my son in law but no way would I drive for two hours to visit him and have my DD pop her head round the door for a few minutes at lunchtime!

How often do they visit?

Yep they want to see DH too, not just for a quick lunch break.

They probably just want to see everybody together, if you don't want them every weekend arrange for fortnightly or you pop to see them.after work. There is options but they probably don't want to disturb your dh at work.

Can you really not work out why they only visit at the weekend OP? Really?

We only used to see them every 6 weeks. Now they want to visit every 2 weeks but I don't want to give up a Saturday every 2 weeks when they could just come in the week. I get that they want to see their son but an hour every 2 weeks is more than they used to see him anyway so I don't really see the problem. Anyway, seems the consensus so far is I'm being unreasonable so I'll just carry on as it is.

I think it’s fair that they want to see their son but you only have to have them over when you want to; every 2 weeks sounds a lot so just say when you’re free/when works for you.

You don't have to carry on as is but you can tweak it to suit you as well. Could you visit them, and you can be busy at the weekend

What time does baby go to bed? Could you suggest one weekend visit every 6 weeks as was previously the norm, and one weekday visit in between where they arrive mid to late afternoon and stay for dinner?

I'm actually with you OP.

If they came every 6 weeks for a Saturday, like they did before the baby arrived, and then came for a midweek visit the other times it woukd be better balance. Or they could at least alternate if the two week pattern persists.

I get they want to see thier son, but they weren't seeing him that much before and they still see him for lunch.

Inviting them for dinner midweek is a good idea you could suggest it their visiting week so you have the weekend free.

Why would you have to give up a Saturday? Your husband can host his relatives, or meet them somewhere away from the house.

Because her Saturday was spending time with him. She was looking forward to it. If he is hosting or elsewhere she isn't getting that time.

The idea that they can come down anytime is the problem. Give them days and times that suit you and allow them to choose if one suits them too. If you have no boundaries they are going to work off what suits themselves.

Most people would say it’s your husband’s job to facilitate contact with his parents, not “wife work” that should fall on you. I know you’ve said that you would prefer them to visit during the week, but I still think they are probably trying to not be overbearing. Plus I’m sure they want to see your husband too, as others have said. You have the opposite problem to a lot of people, maybe your in-laws have been reading threads on MN . That said, you don’t have to agree to every request they make to visit at weekends.

Why is it a mum has to loose having a son because he is married/has a partner ?
Sons and mums /dads don’t just stop caring or wanting to see their family because they are married. .
Everyone matters .

Exactly!