i read my daughter’s diary

[kennycat]

i feel horrendous. i found her diary while cleaning her room and couldn’t resist. im devastated. she says she’s really depressed, feels fat and is on a diet, skipping breakfast etc.
she’s 12.
i’ve never suggested she’s anything other than normal sized so this has come from somewhere else.
i want to speak to my husband about it but don’t want to admit i’ve read her diary. aaaaaagh what do i do??

A therapist would be a good place to start. Explain to the therapist what you’ve read in her diary. I don’t know how much a therapist can tell you about the sessions they have after that, but it will give them some specific talking points with her.

As someone who suffered an undiagnosed eating disorder from around that age, talk to her without admitting you read the diary, notice she has skipped breakfast. Talk to her about it, seek help or therapy, eating disorders kill, and even when they don’t they ruin lives, please get her the help she needs so this doesn’t spiral into a mental illness for life, here if you want to talk

The 6 teenage girls I've known over the years with eating disorders haven't been remotely overweight. All have been thin and super into sport and most of them have since been diagnosed as ND so I'm not sure your theory is correct. Under or over eating is about control and linked to anxiety/stress/depression/ND and not always to do with thinking they look chubby at all 🤷‍♀️

Can you approach it from a different angle?
E.g. 'Do any of your friends worry about their weight? Do they do diets etc? There's a lot of false info on social media now, it's hard to know how to eat healthily.....'

I feel like a lot of people wouldn’t be able to resist reading it either, not because it’s exciting gossip, but so they can know what’s going on in their kids minds.

I think a lot of what you read it likely to be dramatised anyway, but you need to speak to your husband so you can both keep an eye on her. Introduce more healthy eating & exercise into the family and maybe find new exciting recipes to try together bring her love back for food?

I’m pretty sure at some point almost all teenage girls are depressed, think they are fat and skip breakfast and hate their life. Being a teenager is hard all you can do is be there for her.

You absolutely shouldn't feel horrendous and you're a caring parent who stumbled upon something concerning, and now you're trying to help. Reading her diary might not feel great, but she's 12, and your responsibility is her safety and wellbeing, even emotional.

I agree you shouldn’t tell her you read it, especially if it would damage trust. But there are gentle, proactive ways you can support her without making it obvious.
You could subtly shift the household routine. Maybe start making breakfast together before school, frame it as a bonding thing or something you're doing to improve your own habits. Talk openly (but lightly) about strength, energy, and how food fuels our bodies, avoid weight talk altogether.

It could also help to create moments where she feels heard without it being too direct. Ask how she’s feeling in general, if anything's bothering her lately. She might not open up right away, but you’ll be building the space for it.

And yes, shared activities like swimming, dance, or walking are great - not framed as exercise, just as fun things to do together. The goal is to shift her focus without making it about her body.

Also, if she keeps showing signs of low mood or disordered eating, it may be worth gently bringing in a school counsellor or GP without being alarmist.

The situation is a little complicated as the OP herself apparently has an eating disorder so depending where she herself is at this moment in time conversations around food might be understandably difficult for her

@kennycat I was super dramatic as a 12 year old and wrote all sorts of daft stuff in mine