Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

OK - is this cause for concern or am I succumbing to Daily Mail-esque paranoia

34 replies

wishingchair · 22/05/2008 20:40

DD1 is in reception. She told me today that one of the teaching assistants (male ... sadly the only one in the whole school) and her snuck into the staff room and shared an apple. They had a competition to see who could eat it fastest (DD won). Apparently this was while show and tell was on which according to DD1 "you don't have to sit and watch". No one else was in the staff room.

The TA isn't actually in DD's class but it's a small school so they all know each other. I can't actually imagine she went without her teacher knowing where she was going and hate myself for even thinking bad things ... I know if this TA was female, I'd be thinking it was a nice bit of fun. And this TA and her do have a good relationship and she has talked to him when DH was ill.

My gut tells me it was innocent and if anything he was a bit foolish. I'm now (hopefully totally unnecessarily) on my guard, will re-spark the conversations with DD1 about safety, privacy etc, and keep my eyes open.

Is that reasonable do you think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

forevercleaning · 22/05/2008 20:46

Maybe bring it into conversation with the TA tomorrrow that your DD told you they went and had the apple race in the staff room on their own. say it in jovial manner and then just see the reaction.

Im sure you will see by his body reactions that it was all quite innocent.

deaftowhingeing · 22/05/2008 20:48

I'm sure it is innocent but keep an eye on it and don't give DD any reason not to tell you stuff like this in the future iykwim. Worth getting to the bottom of or else you'll never stop worrying.

Lio · 22/05/2008 20:49

I would feel a bit puzzled, like you, and would raise it quite openly and non-confrontationally with the teacher to find out if it happened as your dd told it, and why. Do you think you could ask that without seeming unduly Daily Mail-esque.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education General parenting

Original poster

wishingchair · 22/05/2008 20:49

agree - it's sports day tomorrow so I may see him and be able to drop in a "ha ha, hear you lost the apple eating race" type comment, or (preferably) something that sounds less crap!

OP posts:

WilfSell · 22/05/2008 20:49

I would raise it with the head myself since even if foolish naivety, it is inappropriate.

cosima · 22/05/2008 20:53

i would definately speak to the class teacher. It may be innocent but my sister was sexually abused and it ruined her life, and i also recently had a TA working with me who i gave the benefit of the doubt to and he turned out to be a predator. I would say that its quite unusual for a teacher to take a child into a staff room to share an apple

cosima · 22/05/2008 20:55

sorry i didnt in anyway mean to alarm you, and i'm not at all DM but just to say these things do happen, in all circumstances, to all types of people,

guitar · 22/05/2008 20:57

why would a female ta take a 5 tear old child out of class to eat an apple in the staff room - I would speak to teacher about that - the fact that it was a male ta doesn't make it odder, although more supsicious

Original poster

wishingchair · 22/05/2008 20:57

I think I will talk to her teacher. I can raise it on the basis of her sneaking out of class as I'm not happy about that either. And I agree, you don't need to be in the staff room to eat an apple. DD said it was because there was only one apple and if anyone saw them, they'd all want some. I've tried not to quiz her too much as this could be nothing and it would be equally inappropriate for me to destroy a good relationship. But I will talk to her teacher tomorrow.

OP posts:

rollonschool · 22/05/2008 20:57

I had a tutor who behaved like this yet wasn't so innocent after all. 30 years and a great deal of angst later I really wish my mum and dad had challenged his behaviour.

I don't mean that this wasn't innocent, just that I think it's important you find out really what was going on. And who cares what anyone thinks when actually you're talking about the safety of your child? And as Wilfsell says, whatever the reason, it is inappropriate..

cosima · 22/05/2008 20:59

its totally innapropriate from a member of staff

Original poster

wishingchair · 22/05/2008 20:59

Now the next problem is whether to mention it to DH as I know he will assume the worst and I don't want to stress him out (he's been ill and just trying to get back on track).

OP posts:

cosima · 22/05/2008 21:02

the behaviour was odd, that is why you are jumping to conclusions

rollonschool · 22/05/2008 21:03

Will he be more stressed that you talked to the school without him knowing (because presumably you will tell him whatever the outcome?). Worth telling him now I think, but of course I don't know either you or DH!

ingles2 · 22/05/2008 21:09

very odd!
Why on earth would a TA want to share an apple with your dd in the privacy of a staff room? Definitely talk to the teacher. But tbh honest I probaby wouldn't tell your husband atm. It's probably nothing, so no point in getting worked up yet iyswim

cosima · 22/05/2008 21:09

you should tell your dh

Original poster

wishingchair · 22/05/2008 21:14

He's out at the mo with some friends (I'm not sat here typing this with him on the sofa next to me watching telly!). I'll tell him in the morning. Thinking about it he'd be really pissed off I hadn't told him and if situation was reversed, I would be too.

OP posts:

saadia · 22/05/2008 21:18

Hopefully will turn out to be innocent but he should have known better. I think for your own peace of mind you should bring it up.

cosima · 22/05/2008 21:22

i teach in a unit, and no male teacher would ever be alone with a female pupil in case the pupil accuses (unjustly) the male teacher of something. I know this is an entirely different scenario, different age range. But a professional staff member would be hyper aware of anything that would be even mildly considered innapropriate behaviour and go out of their way to avoid it. At the very least you should speak to the school about unprofessionality. Do not worry about over reacting, there will be plenty of parents that will have caused more fuss in a school. There is only you and your dh that is there to look out for your lo above anyone else.

spicemonster · 22/05/2008 21:32

Can you tell your DH when you've spoken to the teacher? So that if it's 'something and nothing' you can just say that? I do think it's slightly odd but I don't have school-age children so it might be a completely normal thing to happen

edam · 22/05/2008 21:35

It does sound very odd - teachers tend to be very careful about putting themselves in any situations where they might fall under suspicion. So why would a male teacher sneak off to an empty room with a little girl? Is it possible dd forgot to mention there were half a dozen other teachers there arguing about whose turn it was to make the coffee?

I dunno, I think I'd mention it to a senior teacher, maybe the head, in a 'dd told me this and I'm concerned because it seems odd, I'd like you to check that everything is OK' way.

edam · 22/05/2008 21:37

Sorry, realise now he's a TA - don't know if they get the same info/training but even so...

Original poster

wishingchair · 22/05/2008 21:41

I asked DD if there was anyone else in there and she said no. But there is every chance this story has been relayed to me slightly different to reality. That said, I only have her facts and to me it seems odd behaviour so I'll talk to her teacher to find out if she knew about it and what/why etc.

I think that is definitely the right thing to do. I'll also talk to dh in the same way in the morning: "dd told me something weird ...".

Isn't it horrible.

OP posts:

rollonschool · 22/05/2008 21:45

lots of love to you, I really hope it's all a big fat nothing xxx

eenybeeny · 22/05/2008 21:47

gosh how stressful for you.

I do think you need to tell your DH and also speak to the teacher ASAP. It could be innocent but it also sounds a bit dodgy. You need to get to the bottom of it. Your DD may have messed up the story some when she told you or he may have indeed done something which is innapropriate. Let us know how it goes & good luck.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread