How to get 5 year old to practice reading and writing

[Chick981]

I’m in despair over how to get my 5yo to do any reading practice (or writing).

We’ve just had a huge argument because I’ve tried to get him, he’s refused and I’ve not known how to handle it and admittedly handled it badly. I told him he can’t have any TV until he’s tried it, including tomorrow. He’s then ran off and started throwing things, I’ve then said he has to go to time out and it’s all just snowballed (his behaviour and listening at the moment is a whole other thread!)

I don’t know where I’m going wrong but we’re almost a whole year into reception now and I can count on one hand the number of times he’s attempted his book.

He won’t do writing either but I try to do other things to help him build his fine motor skills so hoping that will help.

I really didn’t ever want to force him to do the book as I don’t want to stop him having a love of reading, but I really need to start getting him ready for year one and from the last parents evening he is quite behind on phonics and writing.

I’ve tried some alpha blocks stuff but again very limited interest. He’s happy being read to at bedtime but won’t have me read to him in the day.

Not sure what to do to be honest, just feel like I’m failing him early on and hate that this is already a battle.

Separately but linked I just feel like all round a terrible parent because I just don’t know how to parent him when he refuses to do something. I try making things fun, being playful, having relatable consequences but nothing works.

He’s 5 why are you forcing him to do homework ?

bedtime reading is enough , if you make it a chore with horrible consequences it’s no wonder he has a meltdown

let him come home from school and chill

There's a growing train of thought that time outs are actively unhelpful, and I'd certainly be worried about them creating negative associations with reading and writing when using them this way.

We only allow quite limited sceeentime anyway, no more than half an hour a day. But we have a rule that there's no watching until after he's done his reading. We uphold it gently but firmly, empathise when he gets upset or frustrated, but calmly and consistently stick to our position. Mine just accepts it as how it is now and will ask to do his reading so he can watch his episode after.

I’m not forcing him to do homework as such, just trying to read the reading book that gets sent home with him. I’ve tried just letting him do it if he wants to but he never wants to do I’ve tried to just make it a quick part of our evening a couple of times a week. School have said to help him more with phonics but I just don’t know how when he outright refuses to do anything.

I think that’s what I need to do. We’ve only recently started time outs because we are just at a loss on how to cope with his behaviour full stop, he sit with him so he’s not by himself and just try to use it as a way to calm everyone down.

Write him notes?
Accept notes with requests for treats/trips/activities?
text each other?
treasure hunts?
shopping lists?
postcards to grandparents and responses?
label machines?

Get a pocket full of pound coins.
Tell him you have decided to employ him to read and pay him for them.
Child to decide when to read.
it worked on mine 20 years ago.

Is he more receptive to his own books? Will he let you read to him? What about reading words when you're out and about, e.g. on signs?

For writing, we used to write silly messages for friends and family so it didn't seem like school work.

Lots of singing to help with language development. Play board games, do baking. Magnetic letters on fridge. Lots of other development. Be consistent. He can't just do homework when he feels like it. Maybe decide when the best time is every day or four days a week, let him help decide on a time limit eg three minutes to start with, then just do it and finish when the buzzer goes. No discussion , it just happens. He'll notice himself getting better hopefully.

@Purpleisnotmycolour that’s what I’ve just said to him that I think we will do, choose set days to have a go at it. Timer is a good idea too.

His language use and vocab are above his age btw, just can’t / won’t read or write!

His language use and vocab are above his age btw, just can’t / won’t read or write!

Get him to write the shopping list (copied from what you write) and then he gets to read out the items (might need him to draw a picture as well) as you shop and cross them off the list.

Get some early reader graphic novel type stuff. Dogman, Bunny v Monkey, that sort of thing. DD1 has gone from being a reluctant reader to begging me to help her read these books every hour of the day. I actually had to say ‘No more reading’ this morning as we were going to be late for school! It’s made her want to draw her own comics and write stories too without even being prompted.

Back off. He’s little, he’s been at school all day and he’s tired. From bitter experience- making him think negatively about reading and writing is the absolute worst thing you can be doing.

Stick the subtitles on the TV. It’s reading without him even realising he’s doing it. When you go out to eat give him the menu to ‘read’ so he feels grown up and then you can offer to help him. Follow the words with your finger when you read his bedtime story. Let him choose the music in the car and read the names of the songs. Play eye spy. Encourage his hand muscles with drawing and building lego. Buy him a polaroid camera and a scrap book for the summer holidays and get him
to write titles for the pictures. Magnetic scrabble letters on the fridge to make into silly words. A message board on his bedroom door.

Not all of those things may work for him, you might be able to think of some better ones but I’d definitely be thinking of ways to encourage without making it about formal learning! Most importantly be lead by him. The goal is not to have the best reader in reception but to encourage a love of learning that will take him all the way through school.

I agree. I am a retired Reception teacher btw.

Let him paint, or write with chalks on the ground, on an easel or big pieces of paper. Let him use pens, pencils or crayons on rolls of wall lining paper on the ground. Let him make marks with wet paintbrushes on a dry surface. Take it back to basics and make it less like 'work'.

Let him help make shopping lists or messages, asking for suggestions and showing him how you write them. He might be able to help with some of the sounds.

Some great ideas.

I think at that age it is really difficult.

They are still very young and tired after school.

I would just try reading g a small amount maybe max 5 minutes in the evening. Or maybe try mornings if this is better.

If the school days are bad.

Maybe try weekends instead.

I think kids can catch up very fast especially with reading in the next few mo ths and in year 1.

And apart from this even if he doesn't want to read his reading book, you can read to him. That will also help.

Rewards not punishments.

We had a no tv until reading is done, just keep doing that, he may freak out for a while and have a tantrum but eventually he will get it. Just keep reinforcing, you are his parent not his friend. You can do so with gentleness and empathy (lots of praise for effort while he’s doing it “ooh thats tricky but you did it” etc) but you need to draw the line because in a few years you will be asking how to get him to do something else he doesn’t want to do. With my DD I just acknowledged that she would rather watch tv than read and empathised with her but also told her it’s my job to make sure her reading practice gets done and we won’t be more than ten minutes so we may as well crack on and get it done so she can relax. It took a while but she now just gets on with it.

It’s all very well people saying lay off but the reality is in yr 1 he will be expected to be able to write sentences and he needs to get on with his reading.

Posts like this make me glad my son’s school don’t do homework at primary level. Is the school hot on it OP? I wouldn’t bother with it. Just read bedtime stories with him.

From the other end of formal education - DS sitting A levels now - I only want to emphasise how irrelevant being top reader, or reading/writing at all, in reception is, and how counterproductive stressing over it. Some (mostly girls) read independently at 3. Others (mostly boys) don't really get going with books until 7 cos they're too busy learning other important things, like the numbers/routes of all the local buses, football league tables or different train models.
It has absolutely no bearing IME on how academic or otherwise they turn out in the long run!
So chill, emphasise the fun of it (use train books, dinosaur books, whatever child's thing is) & don't Make him read the schoolbook at all if he doesn't fancy it. Teacher surely will not be insisting. Do something else fun with him instead.

It’s not full on homework (we did used to get a worksheet but it wasn’t compulsory), it’s just a basic book they get sent home with, a new one each week to practice phonics. I think they’re pretty standard, nieces / nephews have same in different areas.

Really torn between making him do it because like a PP said in year one they will be expected to do these things, and thinking just let him be. Problem is if I let him be he would never choose to do it so I think I’d be making life harder for myself in a few years times when they get sent home with spellings etc. I’d like him to just try it a couple of times a week but in a low pressured way and that’s not happening at the moment.

Thank you, this does make me feel much better. I’ve really tried not to stress over it but I think all the hype around how much more formal year one is (along with feedback from recent parents evening) is getting to me. He is much more into numbers so I’ve been trying to focus on that.

Back off completely and you read to him. He’ll get there, but it has to be calm and fun.

He’s so little still, but I get your anxiety.

I would

• read his phonics book to him when you do bedtime stories. Takes pressure off but he’ll be looking at what you read and it’ll help
• look for an alternative series of phonics books. Lots of them are absolutely dire and I don’t blame the kids who hate them. My son loved the Julia Donaldson Songbirds series instead
• look on Five Minute Mum’s website for phonics and blending games. They are fun and will get his phonics in.