How to get 5 year old to practice reading and writing

[Chick981]

I’m in despair over how to get my 5yo to do any reading practice (or writing).

We’ve just had a huge argument because I’ve tried to get him, he’s refused and I’ve not known how to handle it and admittedly handled it badly. I told him he can’t have any TV until he’s tried it, including tomorrow. He’s then ran off and started throwing things, I’ve then said he has to go to time out and it’s all just snowballed (his behaviour and listening at the moment is a whole other thread!)

I don’t know where I’m going wrong but we’re almost a whole year into reception now and I can count on one hand the number of times he’s attempted his book.

He won’t do writing either but I try to do other things to help him build his fine motor skills so hoping that will help.

I really didn’t ever want to force him to do the book as I don’t want to stop him having a love of reading, but I really need to start getting him ready for year one and from the last parents evening he is quite behind on phonics and writing.

I’ve tried some alpha blocks stuff but again very limited interest. He’s happy being read to at bedtime but won’t have me read to him in the day.

Not sure what to do to be honest, just feel like I’m failing him early on and hate that this is already a battle.

Separately but linked I just feel like all round a terrible parent because I just don’t know how to parent him when he refuses to do something. I try making things fun, being playful, having relatable consequences but nothing works.

Read in the morning before school, when fresher. Get up 5-10mins earlier to facilitate this.

Also read alternate lines/pages so he makes more progress.
Build reading and letter recognition into every day life when out and about.

Y1 is 3 months away. I would hope that getting him to realise all the cool things you can do when you can read and write between now and then- like ordering his own french fries and chocolate ice cream because he read it off the menu, choosing a postcard on holiday and sending it to his best mate, being the ultimate eye spy champion, putting his favourite song for a dance party (by typing it into spotify, not yelling at alexa) get him motivated and then he starts Y1 enthusiastic about reading and writing. And if he works on his fine motor skills through other means like building lego the physical side of writing will also seem so much easier. If not then you can always change tactics. I don’t think there’s any harm in going for a make it fun summer!

DS would barely read at all until I offered him 2 sweets and then he read his whole book! I don't bother making him write but we do do other activities for hand strength like mazes, playdough, drawing, hama beads etc. Sometimes he does choose to write e.g. birthday cards.

I'm going against others opinions. I never did reading with mine as soon as they got home. I remember my SIL moaning how difficult it was getting her 3 and 2 she child minded to read as soon as they got home. I found they just want to chill and unwind when they get home. In Reception by the end of the week some are nearly falling asleep at story time at the end of the day. Let him come home have a snack relax in front of the TV or have a play, whatever he wants to do. I used to read with mine little boy at bedtime. He was not very enthusiastic so we read alternate pages. Whilst reading see if he can find certain phonics sounds on a page. Just encourage a lovely of books, go to the library and let him find books on things he is interested in, cars, dinosaurs whatever. Show him how he can find things out from books. It doesn't have to be just fiction. Boys often show more interest in fact books. My little boy got obsessed with Beano when he was 6 . He had poor handwriting but he loved tracing all the characters which really improved his pencil control. He wasn't interested in anything else but at least he was Ken to read or have something read to him. When you are reading to him you can encourage him to finish a sentence for you, make it a game. Just get the fun back without the pressure. If you've had a big battle today leave it a couple of days until you try again. It doesn't have to be every day.

Thank you @Rainallnight - some brilliant advice. Will check that out.

Pay him.

In either pennies (or 5/10/20p pieces) OR sweets.

My dyslexic DC gets a pot and we put out a bag of small sweeties. For each page read or each word written DC gets to pick and put a sweet in the pot. They love seeing the pile of sweets grow and will sometimes read more than needed, to get more.

If DC wants money, we do money. I'll make cards and put a penny/2p/5p on each flashcard. DC reads the card, hands it to me, puts the money in a pot. At the end we count it.

I don't really approve of paying a child to do what they need to, but it develops the habit.

Also read twice a day. Before and after school. Same with writing (IF they struggle with it). One sentence before and after school. Or 5 spelling words or whatever they need to do. Little and often. And it develops the habit.

I would stop all of it, and just read to him for a couple of weeks. Find a series of books that he’ll like (DD was into Warriors and those awful fairy books at that age) and I simply read to her, as expresively as I could. Yes I felt like I was over-acting and I didn’t really do different voices, but I know when it got a bit exciting I wasn’t above speaking up a bit and maybe even bouncing gently on the chair (and flopping back saying “phew!” When our hero is safe again.

I also read to dd endlessly in the bath. She’d get in, she/we would do the washing bit, then relax in lovely hot bath with mum reading…..

It may well be standard in the UK but it absolutely isn't best practice and it isn't done elsewhere. British expectations of progress at age 5 are misplaced.

My DCs went to school in the US, where they didn't do any systematic phonics until age 6. They had all learned to read before then just from being read to by me, with my finger running under the text as I read, but the phonics solidified what they had already figured out. The DC who took longest to learn to read and who never cracked open a book from age 7 to age 11 is now a doctor...

Those classmates who were not reading by 1st grade (1st graders are 6 to start and turn 7 during the school year) all learned very quickly with phonics practice. Everyone in my DCs' classes was reading well by Christmas of 1st grade.

There were no deadly reading scheme books either. They had two successive readers in school that allowed practice on the words that are not immediately amenable to phonic attack (aka dolch words, examples include 'the', 'what', 'where' - there are 220 dolch words in total).

There are many excellent suggestions for pre reading activities from several posters here.

You don't need to force your child to do the assigned reading. He is verbal and has a good vocabulary. Don't let the artificial and unnecessary expectations of the school get in the way of your loving relationship with him. Take him as he is. Don't give him the message that he is disappointing you or frustrating you. Chat with him about how school went so he knows you have his back and are interested in his feelings.

Keep on reading to him (maybe run a finger under the text as you read - not all children need phonics to learn). Keep on visiting the local library with him, and allow him to choose books for you to read. Keep on reciting poems and singing songs together, and doing rhythm games (clap and stomp along to music and poems). Keep on giving him the chance to use paint and crayons and chalk. Make sure he has building materials and a chance to explore spatial relationships and number relationships too. Make sure he sees you sitting down and enjoying a book too - get your own books out from the library and let him see you reading for pleasure.

Tricky because you do need to support his reading at home, but I agree with others that there are many ways to do this. 5 minute mum games are brilliant.

Reading after school is pointless here, it’s when everyone is knackered. I aim for 4 x goes at the reading book each week - both weekend days and twice in the week, usually in the morning in bed with a coffee snuggled up! If he’s not reading at all with you right now, literally aim for one word, then shut the book and say you’re done.

Also recommend getting some of those foam letters for the bath. Spell out “poo” “fart” “bum” etc, start to sound them out and see if you can make him giggle!!

We alternated pages or even sentences. When DC were reluctant I read most of it and they “checked” - I got them to fill in odd words. I also bribed one DC with chocolate biscuits. I made it a special 121 time. I bought them joke books to get them into independent reading. All the stuff.

But basically- One day when they were ready they started reading. I’m not convinced my shenanigans made much difference to the timeline and I’m sure they will make no difference at all to the eventual outcome.

re handwriting- that did improve massively for DS when I bribed him with chocolate to copy out text in his best writing. That was because he had the ability to do better but no interest in trying without the bribe.

my five year old is exactly the same, happy to be read to but hates reading / writing.

it doesn’t help that we are meant to sign their book diary every time he reads his school book so you see how little they are read too!

I have no advice but my son sounds the same and this thread has reassured me and I’m stealing lots of the advice given!

I'd also like to add that my dyslexic grandson couldn't cope with phonics but learned to read once that had been abandoned. He got the hang of phonics after learning to read. Phonics isn't the be all and end all.

What's he interested in? Cars, dinosaurs etc. Print some letters out that he can trace around with a pencil. Something like I've attached on here. As for reading, I found taking turns was best. I would read a page, then my son would read a page etc.

Apologies if others have said these things. Committing the sin of not reading the full thread... If he won't then he won't, making it a battle won't help. (I say this as a mum of a DC who I was trying to teach to read during COVID lockdowns. It's turned out now that she's dyslexic, so no wonder it was so hard for us both?!) Thing you could do though, make sure you read to them every day. Try little games, have a look at 'phonics family' and 'five minute mum's on Facebook / Instagram for inspiration. You can get some great online games too, I really rate 'hairy phonics' and 'teach your monster to read'. For writing , things like bath crayons, writing with dry wipe pens on the windows, getting an easel and doing writing upright can help. Dough discos to build up hand strength. Cutting things. Ultimately though if it's effecting your relationship then I would back off. Explain to school.

This is the sort of thing I did- but instead of copying just make his own marks. They'll mean something to him! And if he knows the letters, they'll start appearing, even if just initial sounds.

OP, school have to tell you he's behind, but try not to worry. If his understanding and vocabulary are strong, it will come! Mine was the same and now coming the end of year one he's in the "top" phonics group! I've also worked with pre-school - ks1 over the last 20 years and that's what helped me not to worry about it at the time.

What you do still matters, but you want it to be positive exposure to those things and not a chore - as you said, you don't want to make him hate it!
Keep up the fine motor stuff, it really does help, lots of "real life" reasons to write - and let him see you doing it too. (I started making lists on notebooks or a whiteboard again, and using an actual calendar, instead of typing things on my phone all the time.). He doesn't need to trace or copy, his own marks are fine if he's actually choosing to do it! Letters will start appearing.
Reading wise, sound words out that you see around you, the first thing I heard my son read independently was our street sign! Let's face it, phonics books are not exactly enticing!

I think this is a pretty common problem. For starters don't bother every night....we try for 3-4 times a week. My 5 year old daughter never wants to read books that challenge her (but that she can manage!), but is happy to read really easy ones so for now we got with that. Or sometimes she'll read a few words or a line from books we read for pleasure. The school reading scheme ones are pretty shit to be fair.....could you just let him choose stories he likes? Or even magazines, subtitles on the tv etc.

They do a lot of it at school. I used to stress about it with my first but now I realise that 5 is really young. My 9 year old still doesn't do much reading for pleasure now but she's doing really well at school anyway. Whilst it's something you can encourage and reward, it's not really something you can force.

Echp pp saying to make sure you keep reading fun. Stop trying to make him read and just read to him. Let him choose his favourite books. The sillier and funnier the better. Let him enjoy you reading the story. Do voices if you want to, make it fun. Just make him interested in books and stories. If he has a love of stories and books then the reading will come.
I feel like our school system is designed to stamp all joy out of learning. No wonder so many kids are put off. Don't even get me started on the pile of steaming shite that is SPaG in the lead up to Y6 sats!

I feel like our school system is designed to stamp all joy out of learning

Couldn't agree more! I'm a y1 TA at the moment with an early years background and it's just getting worse all the time it seems. It's horrible! We try and make it as engaging and fun as we can, but there's so much that teachers are expecting to cram in that's it's not always easy!

I started teaching in the Early 80s and it was a completely different world when I retired 10 years ago. Constant assessment and target setting, teaching from prepared published 'lesson plans' and all that rubbish. I was trained to plan from children's interests.

I try to get through the school book a few times a week, but if she doesn't like the book we use one of her younger books and she reads the words in there. Writing is harder, chalks is often more popular but ive just picked up a couple of wipe clean books from the £1 shop. They had a handwriting one and phonics one. It might be because they're new but she seems to be enjoying them. Ive just left them lying about and sometimes she'll choose them over colouring.

What I’m having success with at the moment is writing my own short stories for DS to read, using his favourite characters - currently Thomas the tank engine and friends. He is much more eager to read about Thomas than the school books!

Writing- we send letters/ pictures to granny occasionally but that’s about it. Play dough is a big hit, not managed to get him into Lego yet, he just gets frustrated and wants me to do it!

We always read and practice writing before school when ds is fresh. Not every day but most days. Found it better than persuading my a tired sleepy child to do homework.

Yes we have to do this too and that was actually what prompted the thread as I told myself I would get on top of filling it in this term!

Thank you everyone who has replied, some really good suggestions here which I will use and I will take the pressure off reading the school book as to be honest it ruined yesterday afternoon for both of us in the end.

I actually really agree with your last point about making it fun,

But I think your first part is very misleading.

There is absolutely no question that being a 'competent' early reader correlates with later academic success. Multiple studies have shown this repeatedly, which can easily be googled. In fact, it goes beyond academic success. Strong reading + writing, correlates with lower crime rates, higher incomes etc. even when socio-economic factors have been accounted for.

This is simply because reading is the medium for learning. You can't learn more about your bus routes or your football, if you cannot read the brochure/magazine. Almost all classes form year 1/2 up, are taught using reading as the main medium to convey information. So a lack of reading = a lack of information transfer.

Of course some late readers are fine, but we shouldn't let parents think that its fine to be relaxed about one of the mots crucial life skills in our modern world.