Right! if your child asks for food and you say no and they get something anyway - what would you do?

[MascaraOHara]

"Can I have this?"
"no"
said child then consistantly goes, gets and eats the fucking thing..

how do I deal with this? it's not that I don't want her eating it's more about no meaning no.

Now I'm not starving her she has already eaten tonnes (too much) and she knows she can have fruit anytime.

I'm really cross right now.. she does it all the time. If I stop her I have to physically stop her going into the kitchen and she just doesn't listen, cue massive, massive. I don't want to make food an issue but I do want to teach her that if I say no it means no.

she's only started this a few months ago and it's driving me nuts. she's almost 6 btw.

help.

take away something important to her, explain it's because she didn't listen to you.

so if she's not hungry why does she want food?

how do you deal with any other disobedience. the fact that 'thing in question is food is neither here nor there. if my 5 year old is disobedient she is punished. But she knows that. So she isn't

Put the food where she can't get it, or stop buying this particular food so she can't help herself to it, ever.

Can you put the yummy stuff in a high cupboard, out of reach ?

I see you have fruit available, that would be my next tip.

6 year olds are vile BTW yuech got one of my own

she's not hungry, she's already had dinner and a pudding and some jelly beans and some toast and a fruit bar.

now don't get me wrong she's not helping herself ot really bad stuff.. this evening it was a small pot of jelly.

Also if she was hungry she could have fruit, fruit is reachable and she knows she is allowed fruit anytime.

She can reach every shelf in the fridge now with her step (she gets that herself) and can reach all but the highest shelves in my head height cupboards. I should add she is tall for her age.

I don't have crisps or choc or biscuits in the house but the point is no means no.

Put the food somewhere she can't get it. Can you get a fridge lock?

I could get cupboard locks but she is nearly 6.

Should add when she gets to the high shelves, she climbs on the worktops.. I have told her off so many times about this, she just doesn't listen

Take it off her and put her step out of reach.

I could put her step outside but that takes away her freedom to get herself a drink of water and wash her hands in the kitchen sink etc..

..actually that might be the way to go.. she would very much see that loss of independence as punishment.

In fact the more I think about it, the more I think that's a great idea.

If she can't be grown up enough to know when to and not to use her step then she's not grown up enough to have the independance that it gives her.. like the fact that I keep her beaker where she can reach it so she can get herself a 'glass' of water etc

She is challenging the 'no means no'. Bloody annoying,BUT she is clearly a mature child who needs to start to test authority, and I would welcome that and start to give her responsibility for more 'grown up' tasks. it is very difficult balance , because you need them to obey you for important matters, like safety, but NOT to just to unquestionly obey every petty rule they will encounter as they grow up.
DH & I debate this all the time - he gets very annoyed that they will just blatantly disobey from time to time (they are normally well-behaved children. I cut them some slack (but crucailly PRETEND not to notice minor transgressions which I would have to address if i HAD 'noticed'them) because I wish I had been brave enough not just to meekly follow the rules all the time...

Re the work tops. Tell her my then 2 year old fell off the counter and ended up in hospital with a suspected fractured skull.

Hmm. Possibly she is just testing you rather than actually wants the jelly.

I'd take it off her and explain why you said no (ie because the jelly is for tomorrow, so she knows why and that you aren't just being mean).

If you suspect she'll re-offend, supervise closely.

Pesky kids eh? they're always one step ahead.

that's interesting to read MrsGofG, she us normally very 'obedient' it is only this area (at the moment)

NaB, I think I will tell her a scare story next time I catch her. thanks. your poor ds though, was he ok?

so as I said, if she is not hungry, why is she wanting more food?

this is what would be bothering me tbh, not the disobedience thing

what do you mean F&Z, healthwise?

she is a child that given the opportunity would eat everything in sight. iykwim.

am concerned now it might be something more sinister than testing boundaries.

I find it strange that you feel she had eaten too much already. Children need varying amounts of food and to deny them this is the beginning of an unhealthy relationship with food.

MoH - dd is similar - she would eat all day long if allowed. I heard somewhere that they don't develop the feeling of 'full' till relatively late, so can't be relied on to judge how much is enough. Dd enjoys food, and so would eat too much. She is allowed fruit at any time, and eats lots of fruit, at mealtimes she has a good balanced meal.

jelly is really nice thats why she wants it. i'm trying to stop eatings sweets and biscuits, i'm trying to lose weight. I've told myself 'no' but i just can't stop, and I'm a sensible adult. Please don't punish her, she's a child and she needs to learn that people are nice and forgive others, are easy going, and are generous

If she was hungry she could have had more dinner, or toast, cereal, sandwich or as I've said already, any combination of fruit. She didn't want any of that so I told her they were her options there was nothing else on offer.

I did say no she couldn't have any more jelly beans. she didn't even ask if she could have the jelly.

My dd eats well, I really don't think that there is an issue with the amount she gets fed. She is on the 98th centile for height and weight and always has been. she is a healthy girl.

I do worry about the quantity that she eats at the dinner table but I don't stop her eating at meal times.

She hasn't been punished. she ate the jelly because as I said I don't want the issue to become about food. I am bothered about the fact that no should mean no.

hmm just because you don't think she is hungry doesn't mean she isn't.
and maybe she just fancied it. I sometimes just fancy some food when I am not ravenously hungry.

I tend to let ds eat as much as he wants, as long as it's healthy and it isn't right before dinner or whatever.
he knows when he is hungry a lot better than I do.

I kind of think you are making a big battle here that you don't need to. very much a "I know when you're hungry and you're not and you're not allowed that food just because I say so"

which isn't creating a very healthy attitude to food. is it?
did she eat the jelly? if she did then what's the problem?