Right! if your child asks for food and you say no and they get something anyway - what would you do?

[MascaraOHara]

"Can I have this?"
"no"
said child then consistantly goes, gets and eats the fucking thing..

how do I deal with this? it's not that I don't want her eating it's more about no meaning no.

Now I'm not starving her she has already eaten tonnes (too much) and she knows she can have fruit anytime.

I'm really cross right now.. she does it all the time. If I stop her I have to physically stop her going into the kitchen and she just doesn't listen, cue massive, massive. I don't want to make food an issue but I do want to teach her that if I say no it means no.

she's only started this a few months ago and it's driving me nuts. she's almost 6 btw.

help.

MascaraO'Hara - he was in the end but it was very scary, especially with a new baby in tow.

Is this sort of behaviour evident in other areas, or only where food is a factor?

I think if you are worried about the size of the portions she eats then you need to give her more food-just make it healthy (sounds like you already do!) and make sure she gets lots of excersice.
Some people are born with bigger appetites, there is no use trying to limit their food intake as it then becomes the desire/denial cycle many people with weight problems have.

When you tell her no for other things, does she comply?

My 7 year old son eats loads and there are times when I just wish he would stop, but I wasn't fed as a child so love to see him enjoy his food. Sometimes I offer bread and butter as I figure it will take that if genuinely hungry.

snap NAB!

Fio, if your son is very active then it makes sense he would have high nutritional needs.
I wounder if we start to worry more than say, when they were toddlers regarding amounts eaten.
It seems a lot to us, but appetite does lessen as one ages so it makes sense that these active, rapidly developing people need lots of fuel

sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel this was anything sinister
but if my child was often wanting to eat when I thought they were not hungry, I would want to get to the bottom of it

is she bored? is she in need of emotional comfort? is she not receiving the right messages from her stomach that she is full? is she eating too much of the wrong foods, eg low calorie foods, so that her stomach is full but her nutritional needs aren't being met? is she dissatisfied with the food being offered, for some reason?

I would also consider the fact that I could be mistaken, she could be a hungry, active growing child who needs more food than I think she does

I would be more concerned about all the above than the simple obedience issue

F&Z - in the case of dd, it's simply that she likes food! She's not hungry, but she enjoys eating! Ds1 is the opposite, he doesn't like eating, and I have the interesting challenge of trying to ensure they each eat the correct number of calories (sort of) without seeming to push food at ds1 whilst holding it back from dd. I think I manage!

I logged off yesterday for evening.. interesting to come back to this after I've considered it more..

to be honest, I think there maybe a bit of boredom in there but I think it's more about the fact that it's the one area where I don't always stop her, it's like she sees this area as the one area where she can just push and push. I guess no doesn't always mean no because if she keeps going on I feed her.

She eats a well balanced diet and she eats until she wants to stop at mealtimes, I am very confidenet that her nutritional needs are being met, I don't think the issue is about food at all and as I said in my first post.. I don't want to make it about food.

ds1 used to and still does ask constantly for food, he is 5yrs and we now have apples and pears overflowing that he may help himself to in between meals, though I have told him he should ask for them as I find it polite.. the other day after dinner he asked for an apple, I actually said no and he went and took it anyway (seeing that he took it, I then took it back off him and said the reason why I had said no, which was more about he needed a snack at school the next day and we were very low on fruit for the family... maybe you could explain why you are saying No, and say at the time she could have the food later (if that is appropriate?)

e.g sometimes I say no to the fruit because dinner will be on its way. Not sure if that's any help?

Not read all the thread but do you think she might be bored? Its generally more an adult trait, but I definitely want to eat when I'm bored. 'Experts' often say that our brains don't get the full feeling message until 20 minutes or so after eating. If she asks for food immediately, set a timer, and agree with her that if she still feels hungry after 20 minutes, then she can come and get something that you specify.

How does she normally go with the 'no means no' thing, when it isn't food related. I would have thought she was old enough to know that punishment wouldn't be about food, but about her disobeying you.

my DS isn't big enough for this to be an iossue yet so apologies if you think I am not qualified to make this suggestion but..

I plan to do what my mum did with us. The jelly would be taken away swiftly with a "I said No and I meant No" and replaced with something from the fruit bowl and a reminder that she has had her pudding already and if she is still hungry there is fruit or nothing.

I can remember being that 6 year old pushing limits and to be honest - at 28 I could still do with someone takign the biscuits out of my hand and giving me fruit! it would make this baby weight much easier to shift!

take it off them.

no = no

or swap it with fruit/veg which is what i do

I have to admit that if I catch my kids taking something which I've specifically said no to (e.g. a nice treat rather than the fruit bowl, which they have access to after meals) then I take it away and stick it in the bin.

sorry, hadn't read thread thru and saw your DD was 6 and that you had far better advice

My ds too would much rather eat a moderate amount at supper and then sneak into the kitchen and snaffle some biscuits. Don't think there's anything sinister in that; half the time I too often have space to spare for the unhealthy stuff, however many boiled spuds and sprouts were on offer.

But I do keep a bit of an eye on dc's, and I do get quite cross; they need to understand that I am in charge of what kind of food they eat, and that I need to plan, so need to know that the jelly is there tomorrow when it was part of my plan. I would do as ummadam and take the stuff off them.