When did things become easier for you?

[AtWitsEnd21]

Just looking for peoples experiences on when they felt things became easier with children. I know a slew of people will probably come in with the dreaded ‘never’ but nonetheless.

I have two DS, 3.5 and 20m. Although it has become a little easier it can still be very challenging. Older DS is a very good child overall but doesn’t sleep very well so I am up every night with him. Younger DS was a very high needs baby (one year of almost constant crying) and although he has improved he’s still a handful. He is very prone to tantrums, dreadfully clumsy always falling and injuring himself and has an uncanny ability to find the dangerous object in any environment. I am in an almost constant state of hyper vigilance.

I know this is an ages and stages situation but just interested in hearing when people felt things got a bit easier.

Oof that is a really difficult stage, you basically have two toddlers, and lack of sleep makes everything so much harder. When does your elder one go to school? That was a key turning point for me. How much are they in childcare?

Trouble is, it becomes so incrementally easier that it’s hard to pinpoint a time. But you have my sympathy; I have a similar age gap and younger DC (twins) cried constantly for a year and it broke me. Well done for surviving that. We’re at (almost) 6 and (just turned) 3 now and although it’s still relentlessly hard, there are some really really fun bits that make up for it. We have wonderful days out, and spend our weekends walking to the library, or swimming in the local pool. So far this morning they’ve been playing Lego and drawing in a den under the dining table whilst I have read a book (and I’ve managed maybe 2-3 paragraphs at a time before I have to do something for one of them, which is a win!). So hang in there, good times are in your future, I just can’t specifically tell you when.

Older DS will go to school September 12m and younger DS will go to preschool that same year. I work PT and DM and DMIL very kindly mind them two mornings a week in our home. I’m finished now for the summer (teacher) so I’m home with them FT until the end of August. Which is wonderful but also hard going!

You have my total admiration for getting through relentless crying with twins. Quite honestly it totally broke me also. I just about survived and was probably quite depressed. I’m glad it has become easier for you, a couple of paragraphs of a book sounds quite glorious! It has become incrementally easier in some ways and I suspect you are right it will continue on that trajectory.

It inches forwards towards being less awful. Mine have a 3 year gap, and when they were about 2 and 5 I suddenly realised I could breath - they slept (ish), the big one was a bit more independent, and the little one could play for 5 mins by herself. But it’s tough, you’ll be ok!

Younger DC is almost 2 and he shows no signs of slowing down. Pray for me!!

Two boys here 15 months apart, for me once they were 7/8 and could be left in a room watching tv or playing and not be worried they would do something daft was a turning point, now they are nearly 11 and 12 and can go to the local park by themselves which is wonderful.
I also look back on the younger years and think how did I do it. My poor husband used to get lots of venting text messages while he was at work for a short time. But we got through it and it will get easier for you too. Hold on in there!

Only one dd, but when she went to school full time. I started to regain sanity.

Just keep going girl xx

I don’t want to wish my life away but gosh I cannot wait for a bit of sustained independent play!

I'd rather walk on coals that be alone with a 3 year old and a 2 year old all day, every day. They need to go to nursery part time, even if you are home. I don't know anyone who tries to be at home with a toddler FT, let alone 2.

Unfortunately there are no crèche places let alone part time places anywhere near me. I live in a high demand area where people put names down as soon as they find out they are pregnant. The complete unavailability of childcare is how DM and DMIL have ended up minding them (willingly I will add). There are days when walking over coals feels like it would be a walk in the park!

@AtWitsEnd21 ah I'm sorry. Just wanted to a cknowledge that I have no doubt it's incredibly hard and that most of us would feel overwhelmed as well.

It depends on the children obviously

But here it was around 5 years old

It does depend on personality though

It depends a lot on your circumstances and personality (and your dcs personalities) I think. For me it got easier once dc2 was about 2.5, which is when she started preschool in the mornings but she was also toilet trained and very verbal too by then. I had a bigger gap between mine, and DC1 started school a few months after DC2 was born, which worked well for me as I parent better on a one to one level.

I don't think it's that unusual for a parent to be at home with a toddler - I was a sahm with my dcs when they were younger toddlers, but they started preschool at age 2.5. I made a lot of use of classes and group activities though, so we weren't really at home most of the day, and in classes the teacher does a lot of the entertaining role, even if you have to take part.

I found my eldest became easier at 3, then even easier at 4 and now they are 5 and pretty independent. I would say they are very easy on their own buf harder when with my youngest as they argue.

My youngest is the same age as your youngest and still very hard work.

I'm at 6 & 4 and I've started seeing the light the last six months or so. Youngest is in pre school 5 days a week, eldest is in school. As I work enough hours I've no childcare fees. Neither are in nappies and youngest is 90% there on dry nights. Both feed and dress themselves. Can entertain themselves long enough so I can do short stints of cleaning. No need a pushchair and both sleep through the night unless ill. They are also at the inquisitive age and deciding their interests which is fun. Still believe in the magic of Christmas and easily pleased.

Of course both have tantrums, refuse to get dressed, the eldest screams and life is not completely rosy. However it's better than two years ago.

I agree it is probably largely dependent on temperament. Older DS was a much easier toddler, genuinely never tantrumed was always cheerful. Younger DS on the other hand. I’m exhausted at the very thought of how long he will continue with his tantruming and excessive crying. I suspect it will be quite a while before I will be able to consider him to have become easier to manage

When the youngest is 3.5 it gets much easier - no nappies, bottles, buggies etc and they can play and watch TV unsupervised.

Then the biggest leap when the youngest gets to 5-6ish and you can have proper lie ins at the weekend, do family activities like cinema or bowling that everyone enjoys, play boardgames, sit by the side of the pool on holiday.

People used to tell me this was the easiest time because that only get more difficult as teenagers. That was unhelpful and untrue!

The truth is that you'll figure out this stage and it will get easier just as a new one emerges... So you'll look back at each stage as easier! And there will also be stages that you're just naturally better at parenting due to yours and your children's temperaments.

Toddlers are physically so demanding and you don't switch off with them. You'll be able stop watching them like a hawk in a couple of years and school starts. I found the sweet spot to be roughly 4-7.

A 2.5yr age gap here. DC1 was always fairly easy going & sensible. DC2 more inclined to tantrums and general fussiness but he was always careful.
I remember the summer before DC1 starting reception suddenly being really chilled. DC2 wasn’t napping much any more, we didn’t need a pushchair and they were able to play together - at home and when out - for good chunks of time together.

Then, about 18 months after that, what I think of the golden years started. They have grown out of most of the really daft toddler behaviour which seems to come with a high chance of death/serious injury but not hit the risks of teenage years. You didn’t have to plan massively ahead as, if something ran late, you could just pick up some food; if they fell in a puddle, they could deal with it; if they needed a wee, they could wait until the nearest toilet. They were great friends and would play for hours together at home, in the park, on holiday. We often did things with friends as they enjoyed it but we didn’t need to - that was as much for company for me as it was for them. After school clubs tended to be at school and straight after school so it just meant a slightly later pick up and they were still in bed by 7.30 so you got an evening to yourself.
We’re into the teenage years now which has got so many positives but is logistically more challenging and there’s the worry of not really knowing what’s going on

You are probably nearly through the hardest part. It will get better in leaps and bounds over the next couple of years. If it helps, my highest needs baby and toddler was by far my easiest teenager.

I have a similar age gap to you and found this stage incredibly challenging. As someone else said you basically have two toddlers.

I'm even more mental though and decided to have a third who was born when eldest was 3.5 and middle 20 months 🥴

It was around this point I had to let a lot of stuff go. Things became easier as my middle one approached 2.5. Middle one was solidly potty trained by then, I'd got into the swing of having three, they started to play together more (still argue a lot though).

Yes I do really dislike when people smugly say oh well you think this is hard wait until x, y, z. Well Susan one toddler wakes throughout the night, the other routinely starts the day at 6am, I’m chronically sleep deprived and in a constant state of vigilance for danger I think ill prefer standing on the side of pitch while they do football training!! Again not to wish my life away but I look forward to June of 2027 when both boys will be in school and I will be off work and will have three glorious hours to myself a day.

Thank you for that, a GP once told me there is a high correlation between high needs babies and intelligence and I have clung on to that in difficult times! I’m sure the dynamic will shift but for now younger DS is infinitely more hard work than his older brother at the same age.

This honestly sounds so lovely I can’t wait.