Daughters eating driving me up the wall!

[ChitterChatter1987]

My eldest daughter is 8.She is enthusiastic about eating and has a good appetite for the foods she likes, but has always been a really picky eater and whilst I hoped it would improve as she got older, unfortunately it is getting worse. She had recently been diagnosed with ASD and i do think there are some sensory issues there around food.

Main meals are the key issue.
She won't eat any veg (other than the occasional piece of cucumber)

She likes plain pasta and mash, roast potatoes,chips and sometimes wedges.She doesn't like rice or any other potato products.

She likes some meat- will eat roast chicken or breaded chicken steaks, sausages/sausage rolls burgers, frankfurter hotdogs.Fish wise only battered fish or fish fingers.

She won't eat any meal with a sauce other than she did eat pasta bake but has gone off that now.She hates mince which rules out spaghetti bol and lasagne.

She liked quiche and omelette but is now saying she has gone off them.

I've tried to not be pushy/forceful with eating as know that's not a good idea, however I have been abit exasperated lately when she keeps saying she has gone off stuff, as if she keeps going off things what on earth can we feed her for tea! Knowing what to plan for evening meals each week is a nightmare 😩 as she literally has the following main meal options she will eat now-

Pizza
Sausage roll
Toad in the hole
Fish fingers or battered fish
Roast chicken
Burgers
Breaded chicken steaks
Hotdogs.

She has a younger sister who is 3, and falling into habits of being fussier recently seemingly copying older DD.

I certainly don't want to be forceful about her eating things she doesn't like (we encourage her to try new things but aren't pushy if she doesn't) and won't let her go hungry if she genuinely doesn't like something, but at the same time don't want her to just live on bread products (if I was to give her bagel, crumpet or toast instead as an alternative) and don't want younger DD to leave her food either because she wants the same instead.

How would others handle this?

Thanks this is really good advice from your first hand experience!

I’d make her what she likes and keep offering a variety alongside with no pressure.

And get her to take vitamins

There’s a good chance her diet will widen even if she’s always somewhat picky.

You might be able to try some roast carrots alongside the potatoes for now?

Or if she likes cucumber try spiralising and if she goes for that, try mixing in some carrots or courgette, a little at a time

She knows abit about healthy eating- we talk about the balance between having treats and foods that are healthy and good for our bodies.Her ability to recognise the importance of it and apply that thinking is limited though.

I have one more tip which is if you ever holiday in a hotel with a buffet (Tui's good for that sort of thing) your child may surprise you.

DD invented cucumbers with Nutella!

She had a blood test about a year ago and wasn't any concerns raised with her iron levels.She seems to have plenty of energy.

I’m autistic and it’s hard with that list to deduce whether it’s her autism, or she’s using it as an excuse to just have the sort of junk foods all kids crave. I would be cutting out the sausage roll, pizza and hot dogs (little nutritional value in them unless pizza is entirely homemade with hidden veg sauce) and concentrating on the meals there that are more healthy. See how she reacts. Maybe try making homemade versions of the others. Interesting she won’t eat mince yet is happy to eat a burger.

Yeah she does- we always have wholemeal bread, other than white rolls sometimes and bagels.
I might do homemade Pizza's with her and she does eat the cheese scones she makes with her dad so will have to try those again too.

I would go read about arfid and be happy your daughter has such a large safe list.

i also recommend homemade smoothies. We use frozen fruit and honey to help make them consistent each time. If she likes them, get a good blender. You will burn out the motor on a cheap one.

Fruit isn't too bad- it's the savoury hot meals we have the most trouble with.

We have tried sweet potatoes but unfortunately she wasn't keen!

The sensory issues around food can be absolute. This reminded me of the arguments I had when I was a child, about my absolute refusal to eat homemade mashed potato. I still won't eat it now unless I've made it, as it has to be absolutely smooth. Any slight hint of 'graininess' and it honestly makes me feel sick just thinking about eating it.

Lots of beige foods are safe because they are consistent - you know how they will taste but also the texture will be what you know.

My palette got better as I got older but there are still things I won't touch now - I'll eat angel hair pasta or tagliatelle but not spaghetti because the texture of the noodle is wrong!

Will she eat any smooth sauces? There’s an Annabelle Karmel recipe that includes about 6 vegetables but you blend it up so it’s completely smooth and it does taste really nice. My ASD son will have it on pasta penne with some grated cheese. It’s the only way to get any sort of veg into him. I also use it as a pizza base sauce.

We have tried roasted veg but no luck.
She does like yoghurt and ice cream- maybe I need to look into the fruit compote and other tinned fruits....at least they are more consistent when their tinned.

A few general rules

don’t tie dessert or liked foods to eating something else

don’t force eating something. Offer, but make sure there is always a safe food available

picky eating is not the worst thing in life. What you don’t want is food to turn into an issue of control. You don’t want your daughter to be one of the many, many autistic girls to develop anorexia. A poor diet that she will actually eat is a success.

Some of them do but that was more related to negative upbringings causing negative associations with food, body image and mental health.

My 16 year old daughter has existed on a similar diet since she was a toddler. Foods that are predictable are what autistic children tend to choose. For example you can go to any McDonalds in the world knowing that the chicken nuggets they serve will be exactly the same. There is safety and security in knowing this.

I wouldn't advise trying to hide any veg in 'safe' food as this can lead to trust issues and an even more restricted diet.

Look up ARFID, this will tell you more about the condition and how to manage/support your child.