Daughters eating driving me up the wall!

[ChitterChatter1987]

My eldest daughter is 8.She is enthusiastic about eating and has a good appetite for the foods she likes, but has always been a really picky eater and whilst I hoped it would improve as she got older, unfortunately it is getting worse. She had recently been diagnosed with ASD and i do think there are some sensory issues there around food.

Main meals are the key issue.
She won't eat any veg (other than the occasional piece of cucumber)

She likes plain pasta and mash, roast potatoes,chips and sometimes wedges.She doesn't like rice or any other potato products.

She likes some meat- will eat roast chicken or breaded chicken steaks, sausages/sausage rolls burgers, frankfurter hotdogs.Fish wise only battered fish or fish fingers.

She won't eat any meal with a sauce other than she did eat pasta bake but has gone off that now.She hates mince which rules out spaghetti bol and lasagne.

She liked quiche and omelette but is now saying she has gone off them.

I've tried to not be pushy/forceful with eating as know that's not a good idea, however I have been abit exasperated lately when she keeps saying she has gone off stuff, as if she keeps going off things what on earth can we feed her for tea! Knowing what to plan for evening meals each week is a nightmare 😩 as she literally has the following main meal options she will eat now-

Pizza
Sausage roll
Toad in the hole
Fish fingers or battered fish
Roast chicken
Burgers
Breaded chicken steaks
Hotdogs.

She has a younger sister who is 3, and falling into habits of being fussier recently seemingly copying older DD.

I certainly don't want to be forceful about her eating things she doesn't like (we encourage her to try new things but aren't pushy if she doesn't) and won't let her go hungry if she genuinely doesn't like something, but at the same time don't want her to just live on bread products (if I was to give her bagel, crumpet or toast instead as an alternative) and don't want younger DD to leave her food either because she wants the same instead.

How would others handle this?

As some others have said it’s not advisable to hide vegetables or other foods into accepted foods as this can reduce the diet even further and lead to a lack of trust.
I know it isn’t easy but trying to reduce your own and your child’s stress is the best approach.

Anything by Dr Gillian Harris and/ or Dr Liz Shea will provide specialist, professional advice. They are both Clinical Psychologists and experts in the area of restricted eating and ARFID.

https://www.arfidawarenessuk.org/post/understanding-avoidant-eating-part-one-tips-and-points-for-parents-carers-medical-professionals

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Avoidant-Children-including-Spectrum-Conditions/dp/1785923188

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Autistic-Teens-Avoidant-Eating-Workbook/dp/1787758591/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?crid=1BZEYBSMFHQP9&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.MK1sqZ5uwaWkOC4fZjm0Yp4nECpy2aqfQVxevPliRhs.yqIm9nrGWVUe9K7-QTp7M3oenhLZgDpW3Lx1NPytswQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=dr+elizabeth+shea&qid=1748675201&sprefix=dr+elizabeth+shea%2Caps%2C107&sr=8-2

OP happy for you to message me….this is me! I am a grown up version of our daughter, although I ate less than her at that age.

Advice I can give:

• don’t overload her plate as it’s very overwhelming
• always offer a majority safe food plate and keep adding something on the side that’s new (but never mixed in or touching)
• keep adding new foods and introducing them. Repeat and don’t get annoyed if she doesn’t try them.
• Dont bring up her not liking food but instead you can mention in conversation “ohh this broccoli is super yummy today isn’t it daddy, it’s got loads of great vitamins to help my body grow”
• Dont ever watch her eat or just act normally (I remember my parents watching me if I was going to try something like I was an animal in a zoo and it gave me such anxiety)
• can she help pick meals for dinner / cook / get involved? My eating got a lot better when I started cooking

Sounds very similar to my son who is probably autistic as well, although due to struggling after school he basically has (reasonably healthy ish) cereal for dinner every day during the week as it's got plenty of energy and he can just shovel it in.
He does eat bananas on the way home from school sometimes, and amazingly he does survive on school dinners although I don't know how much he eats and he's mentioned that "you have to choose a main but you can just leave it on your tray and eat the bread from the next counter."
He's still alive and we don't argue or stress about it, but we do try to offer him a wider variety on the weekend and also educate him about 5 a day and nutrition, he's a voracious reader so he's got books about eating.
Good luck

As a kid I hated vegetables and salad. Once I left home, I actually like vegetables. The difference? When I cook them they don't become khaki slop. I love snow peas, baby peas, broccolini, broccoli, asparagus but when I go home I can't eat them as they're mush.

I'm fussy about food. Prefer not to eat than eat food I don't like. I don't force my fussiness on anyone and will always find something edible. It's the texture of food I am fussy about. I hate mushy and grainy textures so will never eat beans for example.

As an example. I've got a lovely salad made with cucumber, capsicum, orange and herbed chicken. When I first made it I halved the orange segments vertically. As a result salad had a mushy texture. The correct way is to cut across the segments so they maintain some rigidity. For the cucumber that can't be chunks 🤮 it has to be slices. Chicken is yummy with a Tuscan seasoning. Avocado would go well if desired. It's a really yummy meal if made right.

Edited to add I now eat foods we were never given at home because, go figure, my parents didn't like them. For example asparagus, mushroom, sweet potato, feta cheese, spicy foods, indian, nice asian foods etc What you won't see me eating is meat and three overcooked veg.

Is she old enough to understand vitamin and healthy eating requirements? If so can you have a chat about any ideas on how to achieve eating healthy options around the food she feels is safe? Maybe take her shopping and ask to pick something she might try? Would she prefer crunchy or soft, plain or strong flavour? We used to tell our kids that it’s okay not to like something, but tastes change and we can try some other time.

I had a terrible experience of eating as a child. I was ill a lot and literally had no appetite. The pressure of meal times with my mum starting anxiously at me was awful. It did change once I was in control myself and started to enjoy food.

Keep offering different foods. My DD has ASD and it’s been a struggle the whole time to avoid a beige diet with her.

Gradually she’s added new foods. We talk to her about trying a food multiple times to find if she likes it or not, and that tastebuds can change as she grows older. When she tries a nibble of a new food she always has a tissue in her hand to spit the food into if she doesn’t like it.

DD doesn’t really eat cooked vegetables apart from potatoes. She’ll happily eat an entire raw carrot before dinner so that’s how she has that. Loves corn on the cob sliced off the cob but not during a meal. Again, that’s a pre dinner food (cooked the night before) or an any time snack.

Tomato sauce and grated cheese helps with many foods for DD.

It might be worth seeing an OT or speech pathologist who specialises in eating difficulties to get some help.

How’s her iron level? Low iron can cause a poor appetite. A blood test and then supplements if needed might help to stimulate her appetite.

Keep modelling good eating habits to your younger child. Explain that your older DD has a medical reason for eating differently, and that’s why she eats some different foods at meal times. Focus on the world of new exciting foods and tastes for your younger DD to explore and discover. What about a map of the world and trying a new food from a different country each week? Younger DD can then put a sticker on that country. A book of fruits and vegetables and younger DD chooses a new one to try each week? Keep it interesting for her and hopefully she’ll enjoy the new flavours so much that she’ll ignore her sister’s restricted foods and not want to copy that.

She sounds like a typical 8 year old to me tbh. Her taste buds are still developing which is why fairly bland food is easier, most kids are like that at her age. There are quite a few meal options on your list and, as PPs have said, potatoes are really healthy and full of vitamins.

Does it have to be white bread or is wholemeal, seeded etc okay? Sourdough would probably taste a bit too sharp.

Maybe let her help cook? She could add peppers and courgettes to her pizza, that kind of thing. And it's fine if she tastes new food but doesn't like it, she can always try things again when she's a bit older.

I have a fussy 5 yo with food allergies so an already limited diet and having to cook everything from scratch.
She often goes off sauces so just wants plain meat carb and veg. We cook the meat separately and then make the sauce and place her sauce in a dish on the side of her plate. Some days she will avoid it completely other days she will dip one thing in and declare it to be the worst thing in the world and other days she will pour it over her dinner. She is the same with gravy and we have a little jug just for her.

She does better with food she can add to her plate. She won't eat carrots but put them in a bowl shredded and raw and she will more likely add a couple to her dinner.

Mince is a tricky one in our house due to my daughters allergies so we do Bolognesey type dishes with cubed chicken or pork. It's also quite easy to cook all the meat first, separate some out for my daughter and then turn the rest into a more tasty meal. Left over meat from a Sunday roast works well.

There are hundreds (possibly thousands) of pasta dishes that don’t involve mince. Have you tried those?

How have you tried to feed her vegetables? Puréed into pizza sauce? Tempura? Veggie burgers (there are some excellent recipes online if you fancy making your own). Have you tried subbing in sweet potato for potato (chips, wedges, mash, etc?)

How is she with fruit?

This is exactly how we deal with ASD DS and his limited food range. Vitamins and safe foods (which sometimes change, but we ride with it!).

Are you suggesting that op cooks what she wants to eat and if daughter doesn't like it, tough?

I think you could try moving sideways with the roast chicken thing. Gradually roast one or two other things and you may be able to move towards roasted veg. She might like grilled tomatoes possibly? Carrots, sweet potatoes, squash, courgette, aubergine, onion, corncobs, all roast well.

Does she like ice cream or yoghurt? You could try some fruit compotes with that (or experiment with different flavours of Fruit Corners). Maybe those little Dole pots of fruit?

It's often sauces/textures/mixed stuff that seems to cause the issues.

Give her control over choosing stuff and helping herself to amounts even if they're tiny. Don't make a fuss.

B-Eat has good resources.

My younger sister only ate bread and jam for 6 months around this age. She eats normally now!

Food tech in year 7 was a bit of a breakthrough with ASD DD - the "wrap pizza" was added to her repertoire. A couple of years before, she started to be able to eat in Wagamama because she was intrigued by the kids' chopsticks. She also benefitted from some kids' cooking classes at primary.

She still doesn't eat a huge range of food but has definitely got better. DH's brother and kids are similar. No doubt you've got other restricted eaters in the extended family, OP?

It will be sensory. She's not being picky to annoy you.
As parent to one of these too I would say her diet is way more varied than my DD at the same age.
Feed her what she likes. Offer foods very similar in taste and texture to those she likes. Don't worry if her diet seems boring or repetitive. Familiar is safe.
It will change and she might occasionally get bored of her safe foods.
Don't shame or pressure her to eat differently. Let her build confidence first.
Lots kids, especially ASD ones are quite food phobic. DD still dislikes certain textures and smells, doesn't like mixed up food and certain things are not allowed to touch but she's developed a much wider acceptable palate as she's got older.

One thing you might bear in mind is predictability - restricted eaters like a food to always taste the same - which is why carbs are great. Pasta always tastes and feels the same. Some foods - especially fruits and vegetables are unpredictable, they can be sweeter sometimes or sour, have pips or stringy bits, ASD can make this sensation overwhelming and unpleasant. You or I might just chomp it down and like it or not notice, for these kids it triggers something like a panic attack. It makes them very fearful or trying something new.

My autistic 15 yr old DD eats pasta, wraps (not bread), chocolate spread, mild cheddar cheese, Heinz ketchup, Mac Donalds nuggets, red grapes and blueberries, Coco pops and cornflakes (kellogs only). And that's it! Honestly - your daughter is doing well!! My DD ate more things when she was younger and has become more restricted with age. On the other hand my autistic ds (11) has become less restricted and will try things, though usually doesn't like them. He still doesn't touch fruit or veg and still leaves the room if someone is eating fruit/veg near him.

With the exception of tomato based pasta sauce with chilli!

She does have smoothies for breakfast- she likes the 'happy monkey' ones.Fruit isn't too bad- she will eat raspberries, apple, strawberries, tinned oranges, and sometimes blueberries and occasionally banana or grapes.

Thanks for the ideas- she doesn't like cheese nowadays on its own or in a sandwich/ grated on pasta, but likes it on Pizza so might eat it in the pastry.She likes sausage rolls and did up until recently eat pastry in quiche.

I love this thanks for sharing! I've often said the trouble with fruit and veg is it is not often the same every time and think that is why lots of children avoid it as it's unpredictable.

No weight concerns or concerns about eating other than the fussiness- she doesn't have any emotional or social issues around food, no negative associations with it relating to image etc and appetite is good for what she likes- she is quite a foodie for those things!

Yes she does have daily vitamins and actively likes them as she thinks they are like gummy sweets 😆

I've stated trying to offer the girls fruit BEFORE tea which does work well as they are hungrier!

Thanks- yeah we have never done the 'hiding foods in other foods thing'

That's interesting.....she does tend to have patches where she gets quite into a certain thing then suddenly goes off it.DH can be abit like that too!

My ds has asd.

He will eat peas but other than that no other cooked vegetable.

He will eat carrot, pepper, onion but only raw!

He’ll eat lettuce as well.

Definitely the key is exposure but no pressure. And of she has a limited range of foods then you can repeat them and put other things on the plate too without comment.

She may or may not just try them one day.

Bit mixing food textures and hot and cold food etc is a definite no no here with Ds!!!