Daughters eating driving me up the wall!

[ChitterChatter1987]

My eldest daughter is 8.She is enthusiastic about eating and has a good appetite for the foods she likes, but has always been a really picky eater and whilst I hoped it would improve as she got older, unfortunately it is getting worse. She had recently been diagnosed with ASD and i do think there are some sensory issues there around food.

Main meals are the key issue.
She won't eat any veg (other than the occasional piece of cucumber)

She likes plain pasta and mash, roast potatoes,chips and sometimes wedges.She doesn't like rice or any other potato products.

She likes some meat- will eat roast chicken or breaded chicken steaks, sausages/sausage rolls burgers, frankfurter hotdogs.Fish wise only battered fish or fish fingers.

She won't eat any meal with a sauce other than she did eat pasta bake but has gone off that now.She hates mince which rules out spaghetti bol and lasagne.

She liked quiche and omelette but is now saying she has gone off them.

I've tried to not be pushy/forceful with eating as know that's not a good idea, however I have been abit exasperated lately when she keeps saying she has gone off stuff, as if she keeps going off things what on earth can we feed her for tea! Knowing what to plan for evening meals each week is a nightmare 😩 as she literally has the following main meal options she will eat now-

Pizza
Sausage roll
Toad in the hole
Fish fingers or battered fish
Roast chicken
Burgers
Breaded chicken steaks
Hotdogs.

She has a younger sister who is 3, and falling into habits of being fussier recently seemingly copying older DD.

I certainly don't want to be forceful about her eating things she doesn't like (we encourage her to try new things but aren't pushy if she doesn't) and won't let her go hungry if she genuinely doesn't like something, but at the same time don't want her to just live on bread products (if I was to give her bagel, crumpet or toast instead as an alternative) and don't want younger DD to leave her food either because she wants the same instead.

How would others handle this?

There is a very definite correlation between ASD and flood issues. In my experience they often just like beige food with no strong tastes. They do struggle a lot with textures in their mouth. So she is not unusual. As a teacher l have seen kids with ASD eat the same lunch for 8 years, literally as they hated change.
Saying all that l was a very fussy eater growing up in the 60s when parents were less open to negotiation but at about 12 began to eat everything.
Think all you can do is keep her fed even if there is little variety and maybe leave some sliced fruit/ vegetables around or on the table without drawing attention to it and keep snacks to a minimum. Would she have a smoothie as could get fruit etc that way and not much difficulty to swallow.

Her diet sounds very typical of someone with ASD to be honest. My 6 year old with ASD eats a far more limited diet than that.
We just try and get the most nutritious diet into him within the remit of things he will eat. He will always be offered the things he likes and will happily eat, alongside new foods or things he’s had before but since gone off. It’s my job to offer a nutritious diet but I can’t force him to eat it.

Don’t panic too much OP. My DD was exactly the same, would only eat the same foods as your DD, except for lunch every day she would only eat cheese in a wrap for school lunch with cucumber and a Frube yoghurt. She is now 20 and a vegetarian who spends all her time making fantastic vegetarian meals and eats tons of vegetables.

I would make her some of the things she likes each mealtime and get her to try new foods every week once to three times a week. I would always say try two bites of a different food because your tastebuds may have changed, this became a family joke and now if we go out to eat if I ever make the mistake of saying I don’t like a food my DC, say I have to try it because my tastebuds might have changed! It took a long time but both my DD and my DS (who were both vegetable haters as young children), now love almost all vegetables and both eat and cook vegetables every day.

You’re going to have to become a lot more tolerant and absorbing of many ASD traits quite quickly is this is “driving you up the wall.”
Give her vitamin gummies and let her eat safe foods. ARFID is very common alongside an autism diagnosis.

Hi OP, can I suggest you look in to ARFID? My son has a diagnosis of ASD and ARFID. Your daughter palette is far more extensive than his, there’s literally only 7 things he will eat (none of them hot) and all based around bread.

He wasn’t always like this and weaned eating a huge variety of foods. But over time he kept dropping items until we’ve been left with 7.

It’s hard to know the line between fussy / picky eating and ARFID. But, the main thing I’ve learned is not to stress. The worry around nutrition can be overwhelming and we place a lot of pressure on ourselves to get it right.

I could write a book about the techniques, tactics and approaches we have taken to no avail. Hopefully it’s just a phase with your daughter though as ARFID is a whole other ball game!

Yeah, I'm gonna join the chorus I'm afraid.

Ds, just turned 10 with ASD eats
Certain sausages - think school ones not fancy ones
Sausage roll - not cold
Pizza - plain or pepperami
Cheese on toast
Beans - closest we get to a vegetable
Red apple pre sliced occasionally - only fruit he does apart from raisins occasionally
Toast / bread - white only.
Red pasta bake but it has to be baked. No other pasta.
Water
Bacon but not ham or gammon

He'll eat crisps and chocolate etc but not loads, he hasn't got a big appetite and food is largely functional.

Like his father, he has a cheese sandwich and a packet of crisps every day for lunch. Ú

Just keep offering gently, get a decent vitamin, we've just acquired our first new food in years - potato waffles shredded things. No big deal made, just ok cool, I'll get some more.... Try and take the stigma and drama away and accept it is what it is for now xx

Make less effort. Reduces stress all round which is half the battle.

Don’t cook her special food. Restricted eating isn’t special or interesting to others - get that message through. Particularly to the 3 year old.

Vitamin pills. That’s it. It might pass, she won’t starve.

Diet isn't too bad. Lots of NT kids are fussy. Just try to offer the occasional new food and hope it gets better or at least get more restricted.

All I ate until I was a teenager and peer pressure got to me was ham sandwiches, ham and mashed potato, cut up apples and a few other things.

I’m now a healthy 60+yeaR old who will eat too much anything you put in front of me.

So I have some experience of feeding picky eating autistic kids. I note she eats fish fingers and burgers. I regularly grate veg into my burgers for my veg averse autistic kiddo. Also fritters are good as you can cook them then bread them like a fish finger. There is pasta made from peas or other veg.

Does she like cheese? Grate some veg then make a cauliflower cheese type thing. Or just put chees over veg see if that helps.

google some recipes for veg muffins. I regularly grate veg into healthy muffins.

did you ever make those puff pasty and tomatoe purée roll things? They look like a cinnamon swirl but pizza. Sorry don’t know the name. Anyway I make them and mix purée veg into the tomato purée

focus on the textures she likes or will eat and mimic that with healthier options.

it’s a lot of cooking and home making stuff sorry. I hate all the effort I have to put into getting my autistic kids a healthy diet 😭. Particularly as it’s trial and error and they have phases then move on from something they did eat. Much of it will be refused after all that effort just try not to let it grind you down too much

Another thing is get her involved is choosing the new foods. Take her to the supermarket and say she can choose the veg for dinner. Even better is grow your own with her.

also soups can be good. You may have to purée any lumps though if that’s a sensory aversion of hers

if she doesn’t like fruit will she eat dried fruit? Nuts?

banana bread with a courgette in with the bananas.

i basically purée and grate veg into everything I can hahah

I’m a SEN teacher and to be honest your daughter’s diet looks pretty good to me. Some of the restrictive diets I’ve had

• dry crackers that is it
• bottles of milk with the occasional crisp
• gummy bears and McDonalds
• Cheese Doritos and custard creams
• bananas and yoghurt pouches
• toast and biscuits

I’m sure there are more but that’s just a few, more often than not children who are autistic will have issues with food. Basic, plain beige foods are safe, they taste the same way everytime

Potatoes are good. Does she eat fruit? Re other veg and her sister, could you just serve the veg you want to eat, and give her sister some too - would it be okay to say I like cauliflower, would you like some cauliflower, etc.

I remember myself refusing veg until I enjoyed some peas aged about ten and from then on ate everything. I can’t recreate just what it was that I didn’t like, many vegetables seemed to have a strong, strange taste I just couldn’t like. Until one day it was okay. My parents didn’t make a big deal of it, I ate fruit, and they said taste changes with age which I think is a common experience. Eg I didn’t like curry until I was 14, olives until I was 16…

DS’s diet is similarly restricted, he is NT afaik. I try to provide as healthily as I can within what he eats, and have other things on the table too.

Very similar to my daughter. There's a name for it - ARFID - but I'm not sure there's an easy solution.
Getting her more involved in planning, looking at recipe books, shopping and cooking might help. My DD has been more open to trying things if she's involved in the process.

This image is quite relevant here - my ASD children tell me this is absolutely true and they will only eat things with a consistent taste /texture as they don't like the unknown....

You’ve already said she likes potatoes. Potatoes are full of fibre and vitamins. Major her carbs there and not with bread

I hear you OP, one of my DSC is very selective about what she will eat and it does feel like being held to ransom sometimes.

I would just try and roll with it. You mentioned cucumber, we love the mini ones in this house. Will she take the chewable multi vits. Is there any fruit she will eat?

Are you worried about her weight, other issues caused by restrictive eating?

As long as she's eating I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. My son ASD also has had issues like this. I always put som raw vegetables on the table before giving him his supper and he tends to eat them.

I have two autistic DC, both of whom have restrictions around eating (often the things one likes will be refused by the other). It is frustrating, especially when they go off foods they previously liked, but I've learned to work with it. Serve her a plate of foods she will eat, with maybe one more additional thing to try sometimes. Can you adapt the rest of the family meal sometimes? Would she eat spaghetti with burger instead of spaghetti bolognese? Serve up a little bit of vegetable even if she doesn't eat it. My very fussy eater ate a piece of cabbage one day after rejecting ot for years and now loves it! If her diet gets very restricted, consider speaking to the GP about arfid.

This is exactly like my son. He’s never been diagnosed with ASD although I have it. I wouldn’t be suprised if he did have it but if he does it only mildly affects him.

he will eat chicken and plain pasta and plain rice. Nothing with a sauce with the exception of occasionally dipping a chip in ketchup. He does eat peas and broccoli and blueberries and strawberries and cucumber. He will have pizza but also hates mince and fish. Snacks he’s quite ok with things. Just main meals/lunch boxes are a pain in the ass. He really hates melted cheese (say on top of his pasta) so I have to keep it separate. Even ice cream he only likes vanilla flavour. Plain popcorn plain crisps

i tend to just make him plain pasta with chicken and veg. I use brown pasta mostly and sometimes he does like quinoa too. I have tried to add in sauces etc. I just make him that and give him a table spoon of whatever I’m having in a separate bowl so he can try it if he wishes.

Op, this does sound frustrating and it’s hard to make the leap from expecting normal child eating to managing with what we SEND mums have!

My autistic ones have similar difficulties with food. We’ve ended up just feeling that the most important thing is their mental wellbeing and so we just go with their needs and if that means mash is ok for a while and then not ok we lean into it. We try to go with what they like so pasta with tomato sauce etc.

I think you’re taking the right approach with no pushing things. She does eat a decent amount of different foods which is good. I would just keep on ensuring there is something she likes at each meal and maybe have something new on a seperate plate occasionally to see if that tempts her.

DS has very severe ARFID and in my experience the more pressure to eat (or even comment on what he has eaten) the more likely he is to not eat. I would also warn against changing safe foods to add something else in. If you do that you risk dropping foods and even worse her not trusting what you cook.

I'm diagnosed autistic and my boys are diagnosed autistic
We are exactly as you described your daughter
So we like certain foods for a limited time then completely go of them.and it makes us feel sick.
Add to that we are vegans ,so an added difficulty
I frequently make 3 different meals per meal time ..but if I don't food goes in the bin and snacks get eaten so lesser of the evils .
I Manage by asking them exactly what they want to eat before I cook it
I simply couldn't eat something,that someone decided that was what I was eating, because they cooked it ..so I don't expect my kids to
Foods with a sauce ,or a smell are particularly difficult for example,like a curry,I couldn't cook that as I'd not cope with the smell.
I cook mash potatoes, fully expecting to eat it myself,but the starch water you pour away turns my stomach every time and I can't eat it .
Anything slimey puts us off .I can cook a roast dinner and end up having a tin of soup because the smell of it cooking put me of
In a lot of ways I am much worse than one of my sons and the other is much worse than me ...so it's easy for me to understand them and not cause an issue,as I'm in the same boat

I have a large white board and on it ,is current acceptable foods per person,when someone goes off a food or back on a food it's added to the board or rubbed of the board .it helps me plan meals and shopping