To parent a toddler in London or the suburbs/rural

[newmumabouttown]

I keep flitting between feeling I SHOULD move out of London for my 15 month old son and wanting to stay in London. I’d love to hear experiences of making the move, in either direction!

Here are my current main thoughts on London pros / cons.

Pros

• 30 minutes door to desk means I can pick DS up at 5pm so get 2 hours before bed with him, I work 5 days a week and start early so I can finish early
• So much to do - both for me and with DS. I love the parks, museums, restaurants, cafes
• Close to friends
• could move closer to my parents (but it would only shave a fraction of time off as they’re other end of country)

Cons

• We have a 4 bed terraced house with small paved garden, which is amazing, but rooms are small and would love a big grassy garden for DS (but we are 10 minute walk from massive amazing park with play area)
• School - terrible state schools so would have no choice to go private (but at least it’s cheaper than nursery!)
• Area starting to get run down and so much traffic - would be lovely to have a calmer environment that we walk around after nursery and at weekends if we stay local

Stay where you are because you seem to have everything you need for now.

Or move somewhere like Mill Hill

I'd stay where you are for now- the garden doesn't matter so much since you're near a park. You've got the best of both worlds with the paved garden and park- paving is great for a sandpit, water table, chalk etc.

Agree stay where you are and reassess in a couple of years. Many areas change massively in a couple of years and schools go from bad to good (or vice versa).

I brought my kids up in central London (adults in 20s now) in a flat with no garden and the benefits still outweighed the downsides.

Which area are you in OP? It might not be as bad as you imagine re schools etc.

I would stay in London , there is so much to do and the extra time with your child is so important. When we moved out , in different circumstances, I was shocked at how much time I was having to spend in the car. Schools are not universally good further out, far from it . Do you like gardening? It takes quite a lot of time up as does maintaining/ managing a larger house.
if you are undecided I would wait .

We moved to a rural area near the beach when DS1 was about 3.

Pros

• fabulous opportunities to engage on water sports, just pootle by the beach. a forest close by etc.
• Much larger house than what we had in London.

Cons

• Wages are very very low. My wage more than halved. I tried commuting into London for the first 5 years but commuting costs were diabolical and it was exhausting.
• No real opportunity to progress in my career which was very London-centric.
• State schools are very bad and the best ones are oversubscribed. DS1 has a range of SEN so we felt the best opportunity for him was a reasonably local private - some 15 miles from where we live. Logistically that has been difficult with drop offs etc as he is not able to travel by bus. Plus it is expensive.
• We have to travel in order to access top quality theatre, museums, etc. So we may do that perhaps once a year rather than at least monthly when we were in London.
• For teens and young people, if they are not into water sports or horse riding there is not alot for them to do. It can be a little dull and boring and we (like other locations) have a massive drug problem.

Looking back I think we made the right decision. We live in a lovely area but I can't say that I have no regrets. It would have been better in retrospect if we had stayed in London and maybe bought a small holiday place but that was not something we could afford at the time.

I live in zone 2 London and love taking my DS to all the museums & famous sights. This weekend we did Horizon 22, a trip on the DLR and a walk across Tower Bridge & past the Tower of London.

I love the huge variety of experiences that London offers, and as he grows older there'll be even more things he can do that are more age appropriate.

Friends who live in the countryside or suburbs tend to find they're limited to a much smaller handful of places and they go to the same places every week.

We are in London with a 7yo and 3yo and it really suits us. We have a short cycle commute (10 mins) which makes a big difference with 2 dcs and school/preschool events like assemblies and sports day - both parents have been able to attend all of them so far. And we never worry about issues with trains or tube strikes.

We have a big park near us which is more interesting than the garden when dcs are a bit older - much more to explore, features like splash areas and climbing, more sociable and frequent events. We also go all over London to the big playgrounds like Diana Memorial, Battersea and Holland Park.

There's a huge variety of events, festivals and workshops in the museums and parks, lots of different soft plays, arts events, concerts, kids theatre and concerts, so we never get bored. A lot of it is interesting for us as adults too (we have just started taking the dcs to West End musicals) so it doesn't feel like a chore to take them.

Plenty of after school activities, and summer activity camps for primary age. Great opportunities for secondary aged kids in the future with world-class institutions and uni links.

Easy to travel out of London for day trips (lots of theme parks close enough for day trips) or going to airports. We never need to book an airport hotel and we usually just get a bus or tube to the airport or Eurostar.

We have no plans to leave, unless we went to live abroad.

I love living in London with my dc and won’t leave. There seems to be an unwritten hype about leaving London because it’s “better for the kids.” I’m not convinced at all as it depends on so many factors. Ultimately London is unaffordable for many so yes their dc may have a better life outside of London. But your property sounds great given you’re in London and the city offers so much in terms of city and also open spaces. If you do leave make sure it’s what you want and not a result of this unwritten hype

We moved out when our eldest was 2.5, but we were living in a one bedroom flat with an hour-long commute each to work, and no prospect of affording anything closer. Nursery fees for one child were more than my take-home salary. Our quality of life is hugely better where we are now so I don’t regret the move, but I do miss London.

If you’re in a four bedroom house, have a decent commute that wouldn’t involve leaving your child in a cardboard box outside nursery at 6.30am, and are in a position to be considering private school, then it sounds like you’ve not been priced out! I think I’d stay if I were in your situation.

I lived in London with my DC1 and loved it, but we moved out when I was pregnant with DC2. I travelled on buses and tubes with my DC1 no problem but I couldn't imagine doing it with two little ones! That was 18 years ago and I am a convert to the countryside now, it's nice to have a garden and the schools are great.

If you love London and can afford it and have a house - it is the best place to live with or without children. If you move out for a big grassy garden, just know that by the time they are about 12 your children will never set foot in it. Or if they do it's because they have literally nothing else to do, poor loves.

Stay for now

I doubt the state primaries are that bad. Secondaries might be

Re assess when he is 4/5/6.

We moved to London when the DCs were 5 & 8 and it was the best decision I ever made (the now adult DCs are very grateful)!

I think basically you get used to what you know.

I have done a lot of public transport in London with two children and it doesn't faze me at all but I absolutely hate driving with my children, especially when they were younger, nothing stresses me out like crying children in the back when I can't do anything about it

Yes that is probably true!

Stay put - there’s a lot to leave behind, not least your support network in the form of close friends, for ‘should’. I made the move after spending my whole adult life in London. Partly for work, also for property. We now have the space and peace, and the easy more outdoorsy life for the kids, and while I find parenting here less exhausting… God, I miss London. I find myself going in at least once a month for the stimulation. Small town life has been strange to adapt to for reasons I hadn’t anticipated, too, and I’m not sure it’s the more wholesome environment for teens, although I’ve a while before I need to worry about that.
Enjoy what you have, it sounds great.

It doesn’t sound like you want to leave London…..

Are you sure about schools? In general schools in the capital outperform the rest of the country, and are less frequently oversubscribed with a lower birth rate and covid exodus. In your situation I’d think about saving the private school money and buying somewhere with a slightly bigger garden near a school you like.

I find it fascinating that everyone thinks rural is the dream for children. I grew up in a small market town in the South west. There was fuck all to do, it cost a fortune to get anywhere, and no access to any facilities if someone wasn't available to drive you.
I would have loved being in a city.

You are well established and have everything you need. Don't assume the grass is greener.

There are areas of London that are greener with good schools, but still on the tube or good train routes, 30 mins from the centre. Where do you need to commute to?

Toddlers value time with parents more than a garden. So adding a long commute will reduce your time with DS.
Unless you end up buying somewhere with a really big garden, you won't be able to add much play time than you can't get in a small garden. Eg football or ball games best played in a park due to windows etc, cycling needs space so again a park is better than a garden.
10 mins walk to a park is brill. You have easy access if the clouds clear and rain stops and you don't need to jump in a car etc.

I think stay, London needs children! But aside from that the benefits in your list outweigh the negatives and I’d question one of the negatives in particular - what you say about schools. London state schools are generally better than the rest if the country. And that includes the secondaries - most have better gcse results and progress 8 scores than average

Are you sure all the local state schools are terrible? Would it be worth starting a thread in primary education to see if you can get first hand experience? I’m struggling to think of an area of London where all the state schools are bad.

We stayed, London is fantastic for kids, so many opportunities. I’d look again at the schools if you are concerned about that?