I'm drowning

[matilda1077]

My DDs are 3 & 4, there are 13 months between them. I thought it was tough with a 1 year old and a newborn, but that was nothing compared to the hell i'm living each day at the moment. I'm a single mum with no village, they see their dad every other weekend.

They are both attached to me 24 hours per day. When I leave a room say to put some washing away, they quite literally shout 'let's follow her!' And stand on the back of my feet. If I'm on the loo, one is climbing the cistern behind me while the other is balance beaming on the bath. I ask for privacy, they say no. I lock the door, they ram toys into it or smack it until I open it. I don't even get evenings to myself as they always end up in my bed. I tried to put a stop to this just so I could have some space to myself, but because they share a bedroom if I tell one to get back in bed they just argue with me which then wakes the other, and then I am outnumbered.

All day long they whine, cry, fight and argue. They don't listen to a word I say. I feel like I have completely lost control, and I don't know how to get it back. They seem to have no respect for me or anything I ask them to do. All they seem to do at the moment is give me a migraine, overstimulate me and make a mess of the house. I don't enjoy a moment of motherhood right now as they just make every day difficult. I've tried time out, my 4 year old tells me she doesn't even care. I've tried taking away treats, they say oh well, daddy will give it to us at his house (for what it's worth our co parenting relationship is non existent so I can't get him to back me up with anything).

I'm just done. It's a thankless, exhausting and disrespectful role and I get no fulfilment out of it. I spend most days on the edge or just end up shouting because I am just so fed up. I don't feel like I can do it for much longer but I have no choice

I wouldnt be sending then to his with spare clothes or anything else either

I have got a child who can be very difficult, defiant, rude and even violent.

DH and I are at our wit's end a lot of the time.

Your post really gave me pause for thought thinking what it'd be like if she had a sibling too and there was only one of us...

Anyway, it may not feel like it, but you're doing well. You've got them away from a bad situation and very recently too.

I'm sorry but - no beds? No bedtimes? No teeth brushing? Thank goodness they're only exposed to that once a week, not every day.

I think a large part of their behaviour is anxiety, hard as that will be to believe in the moment. The not liking a closed door between you is suggestive of that. DD used to wake us up by opening the curtains, putting all the lights on and pulling the duvet off!

A book I often recommend on here is Jeffrey Bernstein's 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child. It's got a lot of good strategies.

As for your knob of an ex, I think grey rock is the way to go.

Is that even allowed, that he can have the kids to stay without providing them with a proper space for them to sleep? No wonder they’re all over the place when they’re back with you, he sounds like a bloody nightmare.

Try a bit of giving them their owned medicine…when they’re engrossed in play just interrupt and disrupt their game, get my drift?? I stopped my two DD’s following me everywhere including the bathroom by doing just that.