When should a child do these things independently?

[Zippp]

i am interested in when a child without any specific learning difficulties or additional needs would be expected to:

1 Make their own breakfast
2 Make their own packed luncj
3 Cook a family meal
4 Use a washing machine
5 Clean up after meals (wiping surfaces and washing up)
6 Clean a bathroom

1 Make their own breakfast
five
2 Make their own packed luncj
Seven
3 Cook a family meal
Eleven
4 Use a washing machine
Eight
5 Clean up after meals (wiping surfaces and washing up)
Help - five
on own - nine
6 Clean a bathroom
Nine

In what way do you mean!? I mean my dc are 9 and 12 and can do all of those things, but they don’t do them all the time everyday. I’m the parent, it’s my job to look after them.

my dd12 can do all of those things, she gets her breakfast most mornings but not all. Sometimes I’ll do it for her.
I always make their packed lunches.
they could both cook a meal (more so the 12yr old) but I do the cooking, sometimes dd will make her own lunch on the weekends
They have no need to use the washing machine- but I’m sure they could.
the last two they can do but I don’t really ask them to clean the bathroom

These are all things that depends on family dynamics, they only need to be capable of doing these things when they move out and have to live by themselves. I don't think there's any rush to reach that stage. My teens don't do any of these although I'm sure they could if they wanted to.

This, I didn't expect mine to do any of this.

Cooked breakfast or cereal?
How complicated for a family dinner ?
Does everything in the packed lunch come “pre-packaged” like a satsuma weather than chopping up veg?

Breakfast - 5
Packed lunch - 5 but for time saving they only made lunch on weekends/school holidays
Family meal - something like pesto pasta 8. 10 for something more complicated like bolognese. They could get things out of the oven by 9.
Washing machine - could do it at 5 but no reasons to do it until secondary. Until then it was could you put this in the washing machine so I washed it quickly
Cleaning up after meal - have a dishwasher so no dishwashing until secondary school good tech. Loading and unloading a dishwasher (not knives or glasses) by 5, full dishwasher by 8
Clean bathroom - started enforcing in secondary school. Before that it was picking up clothes, wiping sink, wee spills at most. Getting them to change the toilet roll and through away the cardboard middle was a victory.

My children were born preparing roasts. Anything later is sheer mollycoddling

Expected to do alone, at least on a regular basis, would be when they’re an adult.

Encouraged to do alone, whenever they’re ready and capable. Depends on the child.

Taught to do, with help, from as soon as they’re able, I’m talking from 1/2 years old.

We do these together every day except cleaning the bathroom but it’s not because I expect them to do it as a break for us (it makes every task longer and harder) but because it’s screen free entertainment for them, teaching responsibility and motor skills, also basic chores become second nature.

Mine where doing it in the womb 💅

Depends what they’re making. And their size!

My DD is nearly 6, and generally has weetabix for breakfast. She couldn’t make it on her own because she’s so small she can’t get the milk from the fridge, and we drink a lot of milk so have big heavy milk bottles. A smaller bottle in a low down fridge would be fine. A full 6 pint bottle in the fridge freezer, she can’t reach and can’t pour from because she can barely lift it, let alone tip it in a controlled way.

But she generally does the bits she can eg will get a bowl and put the weetabix in it, get a spoon. Same for lunch - she’ll get the plate and bread, but can’t reach the cheese in the fridge for example.

This is such a range of activities, but also there’s a difference in when someone can physically do something and then expecting them to regularly do it.

1. probably 5/6 ish because before that I would get up with them and not leave them wondering around alone in the morning to make their own
2. 11/ secondary school only because I wouldn’t be expecting that’s a chore for my children to do for themselves
3. cook a family meal? Probably like 12-14 at the youngest. While I would get them involved younger I would absolutely not expect a young child to be cooking a meal for the family.
4. washing machine around 10
5. wipe surfaces from about 8
6. I wouldn’t expect my child to be cleaning the bathroom until at least 13 or so.

My oldest could make her own breakfast and lunches at 5, because I got ill and she had to. My youngest is 7 and I only recently realised he can make his own sandwiches etc. because I've just always done it for him.

DD is 14 and has learnt how to cook all kinds of meals in home ec but is scared to cook at home without supervision except for simple things like fried eggs. I am trying to work on this because its not normal to be so scared at 14, and I could really do with her help with cooking dinner during the summer.

My mum taught me to do my own laundry around 13, seems a good age for it.

DD has been doing the dishes since she was about 10 or 11, DS is keen to start but at 7 he just isn't tall enough (dishes get put in the drying cupboard above the sink and he can't reach there). Wiping tables etc I've expected since they were toddlers.

Cleaning bathroom is more for teenagers I think, because of bleach and I might add that to DD's chores soon.

They can be involved with almost all that from about 2, but obviously with hazards eg bleach, sharp knives out of the way. And usually it would take way longer doing it as a team.
On the flip side if cleaning the bathroom also includes noticing that it needs doing and starting it, then it could never happen, but if it's following a set list that is prompted with supervision them it could be 5 years old.
I would say just make them family jobs, do them together, and give whatever support they need. There's no should.

You can’t make your 5 year old clean the bathroom!

Why just dress them in a little maids costume, hand them the chemicals then open the wine

I know some adults who wouldn't be able to deal with all the items on that list!

I think they should be able to do all of those things by the end about 11. Some of them obviously much earlier. The more interesting question is when they should be doing it all the time. For example, both of mine were perfectly capable of getting their own breakfast and making their own packed lunches by about 8ish. And sometimes did because they wanted to or because we were in a rush for some reason. But I usually did it for them all through school. Because they liked me doing it and I liked doing it and home should be a gentle safe space where you should be able to expect to be looked after.

No. But you can expect them to tell you if they’ve made a mess, and help clear it up (obviously without toxic chemicals!) My DS used to end his bath by throwing all the toys out. That was fine-but he was expected to put them all back in the box afterwards.

I don’t really think it’s okay for any child under 14/15 to be cleaning their family bathroom!

sure make your own breakfast from 6 onwards

Might that be because nobody expected anything of them when they were 5? Just a thought…

Actually, I think you are right.

I think this is so family specific. How busy the parents are, family routines, even house layout.

Kids need to be independent by the time they leave home. You obviously need to build towards that, but the exact order of building skills doesn't really matter.

Apart from that I can't say for us, as my DC don't meet your criteria.

My teens can do all of those things, as in they are more than capable. Whether they will consistently do those things or instead just leave their crap all over the place, giving me huge performative eye rolls and loudly declaring that they were just about to do it and why am I always picking on them...is a different matter altogether!

Reading this is a stark reminder to me of how different autistic kids are to NT ones. I have an autistic 16 year old who still can’t do any of those things.

I hear you.
I have a 20yo who amongst other things has germ anxiety, which extends to not wanting to touch food with her hands, so most of the list is straight out the window.

Why should home always be a 'gentle safe space' where young people who need to gain in confidence are persistently infantilised?

Is training children and instilling them with a sense of responsibility to be equated with violence and danger?