When should a child do these things independently?

[Zippp]

i am interested in when a child without any specific learning difficulties or additional needs would be expected to:

1 Make their own breakfast
2 Make their own packed luncj
3 Cook a family meal
4 Use a washing machine
5 Clean up after meals (wiping surfaces and washing up)
6 Clean a bathroom

1)Make their own breakfast
Age 3 (cereal and milk)

2)Make their own packed lunch
Age 3 (with supervision)

3)Cook a family meal
Year 6

4. Use a washing machine
   Age 3

5. Clean up after meals (wiping surfaces and washing up)
   Age 3

6. Clean a bathroom
   Never - but pick up their towels, wipe any water on the floor, put lid back on toothpaste, put their OWN shampoo/conditioner,
   /body wash on the bin at age 3

Not saying any of these are done correctly but it’s about making the effort. My children love doing number 1, 2,4 and 5 especially using the washing machine and splashing the water around when doing the dishes

If this is an attack on the ‘gentle parenting brigade’ I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.

Montessori and encouraging kids’ independence is very in vogue: getting toddlers to chop with safe knives, wipe spills, pour drinks etc is all over instagram.

It’s not a specific age, they are things you work towards gradually as and when you have the time and opportunity. I have no idea what ages my kids have done these speicific things but I know my 14 year old would be able to do them. It doesn’t matter if he was making toast at 4 or at 8, he can do it now he is at an age where it is useful.
The thing with mumsnet is someone will always come along and claim that their child was cooking a meal for the family at age 5.

Assuming you mean with no adult input because I know toddlers like ‘helping’ but you can’t actually let a 3YO be unsupervised around knives or laundry tabs… I would say 5 for breakfast presuming it’s basic like cereal, toast, packet brioche. 7 for packed lunches otherwise it would a) be a mess and b) always be a jam sandwich! Cook a family meal around 10 if we’re thinking simple like pesto pasta. Washing machine my 7YO could of course do but actually managing the laundry so everyone has what they need clean at the right time is more of an adult job so we’ll be leaving that for a good long while. Clean up after meals about 6/7 to do a decent job that doesn’t need redoing. Clean a bathroom I would say early teens because bleach and kids isn’t a good combo.

It depends not just on their skills but also whether they should be doing it and whether a well nurtured child is better at life in the longer term. It also depends on how safe the house is and how safety aware/sensible the children are.

Breakfast: at about 5 ours would get a Yoghurt and fruit and have it in the family room with the TV on while dh and I had coffee in bed, at about 6am at weekends.

Packed lunch: they were capable at about 7 but I did this for speed/tidying. We had to be out by 8.15 and it was a mission.

Cook a family meal: they saw me cook daily, often helped and developed an interest in good food. They could do simple stuff from about 12/13, with no expectation, we're competent at uni and have developed into excellent cooks as young adults.

Use a washing machine: probably about 12 but no expectation to do so.

Clean up after meals: wiping and washing up. They were trained to put their plate/cutlery into the dishy when they left the table - toddling (with help). They saw spills wiped up immediately, so this is natural.

Clean a bathroom: after every bath and teeth clean, they saw me spray and wipe the bath/shower/basin, wipe the loo seat, etc, because that's what you do and like washing hands is basic hygiene. When they were big enough to do those things independently it was ingrained. Actually clean the bathroom from top to bottom, round the back of the pipes, etc, never. I pay the cleaner to do that.

both children thought their uni flat mates were filthy mingers DS used to clean the bathroom; dd ate out to avoid the kitchen.

My middle daughter ( 15 ) will make her own breakfast but the other two skip breakfast. They eat at school/college so no pack lunch. They’re perfectly capable of feeding themselves and will generally clean up afterwards but we have a housekeeper and she pretty much does the rest.

Did you notice that I said my children could and did do all those things? They could probably do them younger than many. And, I may say, did them willingly if asked or if they saw they needed to be done. I stand by “gentle safe space”. I’m sorry if “gentle”and “safe” are triggering for you.

I nearly wrote 3 as a joke... and then saw someone had actually posted 3!!

I don't think there is an expected age, it sort of evolves... they watch you do it, they join it, they do it alongside you, you step back a bit, they do a bit more, they do it themselves.... like all learning.

Since you say expected, I assume you mean they do these things regularly and without any supervision?

Breakfast 5 (or whenever they can safely reach and transport everything)

Packed lunch 5/7 (especially if it’s a case of just throwing things in)

Dinner for the family, depending on the complexity of it, 10+

Do laundry , again depending on the complexity, 8.

Clean the bathroom , as long as it means clean after themselves, 5 . If we’re talking scrubbing toilets , dust behind pipes, bleaching stuff etc. 13.

The thing is, having the ability to do something doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to do it or that they need to do it. DD has chores and is quite capable and independent but I still do her breakfast every morning because it’s part of our routine.

Incidentally, while learning how to make a packed lunch is important, it takes about 10 minutes. Learning how to be a considerate loving human being takes rather longer.

I have fully functioning adult children who care for themselves perfectly well at uni/their own home. They’re all ND and were molly coddled, so I never expected them do any chores around the house (their job was doing their homework and being helpful if asked) They chose to do certain things by themselves at the following ages- if they hadn’t wanted to,I would do it for them, although I did ask them to make their own packed lunch at 16 yo.
1 Make their own breakfast 4yo
2 Make their own packed lunch 16yo
3 Cook a family meal 17yo
4 Use a washing machine 13yo
5 Clean up after meals (wiping surfaces and washing up) 8yo
6 Clean a bathroom - Never in my house
They all pretend they don’t have the ability to change their duvet cover and want me to do it for them

1 Make their own breakfast - 8
2 Make their own packed lunch - 11
3 Cook a family meal - 15
4 Use a washing machine - 11
5 Clean up after meals (wiping surfaces and washing up) - 11
6 Clean a bathroom - 15

Pretty much same. Ds can do all id but I don't ask jhm to. Also irl I've never met absolutely anybody expecting a, 5 year old to make their own packed lunch for school or an older child cooking a hot family meal. As a parent, I wouldn't wand young dc doing those jobs. I enjoy caring for my d and family. My dc is older but responsible, capable and mature,nI just don't expect him to take on half the load of running a home. I never had to do it growing up but I could run a home perfectly fine when I married at 24.

I had a school friend who actively did all of these things starting from age 6-10. I would be at her house for a playdate and she was unloading the washing machine and making the beds. She had an abusive, controlling mother who offloaded chores onto her children and she suffered serious MH issues well into adulthood.

Breakfast-for things like pouring their own cereals or putting some toast in, idk, maybe 6? Defo some time in primary school.

Lunch- I personally wouldn't make my kid do this, only in 6th form, and even then, I'd do it during exam season.

Family meal- as a teenager, around 14, and only if they were happy to. Though I would encourage them to help and try and make it fun throughout childhood. I think cooking is a good way to teach children about food groups and for me is about making food a fun experience we share as a family, as opposed to a chore. My baby is only 1, but atm I do things like cook the national dish of a random country each week, and I'd like to do that I to childhood.

Washing machine- secondary school, around 13. I'd expect them to fill their own laundry hamper, and throw it in the machine. I'd probably peg it out, then I'd expect them to put it away.

Clean up after meal- maybe 9ish? I mean things like help empty the dishwasher, wash their own breakfast stuff, etc. I wouldn't personally expect them to clean the hob and that kind of thing.

Bathroom- I'd never expect my child to do this, even as a teen, outside of things like wiping pee/menstrual blood off the seat, and wiping toothpaste up if they make a mess.

My general thing will be, if you make a mess, tidy it. But I really don't expect children to be deep cleaning their rooms. A teenager I would expect to hoover their room, etc. I wouldn't expect children of any age to clean communal areas, only if they've spilled something or whatever.

You've got your whole adult life to have to do all these shitty tasks. I don't expect my child to make their own packed lunch. I want them to enjoy not having too many responsibilities. I personally think people go too far with chores for children now. I really don't think not making a packed lunch or cooking a family meal as a child makes you lazy as an adult. I also personally don't understand making 7 year olds do laundry and put their own sheets on.

When I was at school, none of us did anything of these things tbh. I've grown up to be naturally messy (I do have ADHD) but I manage with a rota. I never so much as touched an oven, but have grown up to love cooking. I just taught myself at uni. I have friends ranging from very tidy, to average, from loving cooking, to living off of oven food. I think a lot of it is innate personality!

This thread is fascinating! I thought the reason to do things yourself as a parent was because it's easier, but actually it's a principle for many that children shouldn't have to do things!
Honestly I thought that if the child was physically able to do something safely and you had the(extra) time to supervise/help then they should have the opportunity, regardless of whether it's cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry or whatever.
Nice to have another perspective on it though.

As a pp said my ds has been able to do these for years but doesn't. I mean he more recently cooks a family meal and cleans the kitchen up after himself. Since about 13.

My DH is 65 and can so far only do the second one. Still in training for the rest but about to fail his yearly appraisal

I'm still struggling to get teens to do it. I'm sure the op doesn't have teen boys 😂

I can’t remember ages for each but my youngest is 12 and she’s certainly been able to all of these for quite a few years.

we taught all of these from a young age

Saying you wouldn't expect your child to do any of these things regularly because it's your job to look after them is alien to me! I feel quite differently, that it's important for them to do them as they are part of a household where everyone does their fair share - as is likely they will be throughout their lives. So making their own packed lunch a couple of times a week, making a family meal once a week, laundry and cleaning the bathroom as part of a rota - I'd expect all of these from adolescence.

I will say none of mine have ever done anything with the bathroom bar wiping up if they caused a mess because I wouldn’t like them doing anything with the chemicals you use in there.

Youngest is ten and eldest 17, they all know how to use the washing machine and will sometimes throw on stuff for me, they can all make a basic brekkie older three can make a fry.

All can make their lunches and do sometimes but we don’t have time for it … dinner …

um, I’m the world’s worst cook and don’t want to pass that down to them but they do know how to do bolognaise or eg sausage/ burger and chips (hangs head in shame as I regularly get videos of their cousins cooking stuff I can’t!!!!)

My two both loved joining in and helping to clean the bathroom at that age.

They are less enthusiastic now teens but still do it.

Hang on-you wouldn’t let a 17 year old use bathroom cleaner?????

SS doesn’t do most of these things. He’s 20